Regression
by Nattle the Nettle
Summary: AU Yuki's sessions with his psychiatrist increase and he hates it. Can Shuichi change his mind?
1. Chapter 1

Title: Regression

Chapter 1

Disclaimer: (I've always wanted to do one of these) – I do not own Gravitation or any of the characters from Gravitation. Wah…

Summary: AU When Yuki's sessions with his psychiatrist increase, he hates it. Can a certain pink haired receptionist change his mind?

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Yuki was pissed. Thinking about it now, he thought that perhaps he should not have mentioned that he had been drinking and smoking more than usual, and that he never left his house unless it was to go shopping. How could he be regressing? It had been –what? Six years since he had killed Yuki Kitazawa? He hated the hospital, he hated his stupid psychiatrist and he hated talking about his past. Combine the three and throw them into an hour per week and you get instant torture. Yuki's twice monthly sessions with his psychiatrist had, as of now, become once weekly hourly sessions. And Yuki was none too happy about it.

"You'll make better progress," Sachiko-sensei had chirped brightly at him (how she had become a psychiatrist Yuki would never know; he wasn't remotely suicidal, but if he were he would definitely find Sachiko-sensei's sessions that final push before he did it). "Think: if you continued with your twice monthly sessions, it could take years! Now you might be able to finish in months!" Unfortunately the prospect of having that stupid woman asking him questions about his past and feelings didn't make the next few months look particularly bright.

Right now, Yuki was driving to his first session. His hands kept trying to turn the steering wheel of his car in the direction of home which made his driving a bit dodgy, but showed how completely against his new routine he was. He had left home slightly early because any changes in his counselling caused a fuss at the reception ("Your session is next week Uesugi-san") and he had to have autograph signing time too. The amount of nurses at the hospital was insane so he was always being asked by an Ayame-chan or a Mizuki-chan for an autograph. If he had known how annoying it would be to be so popular wherever he went he would never have become a novelist.

As he drove he became increasingly aware of how close he was to the hospital. How had the week gone past so quickly? Anger was building up inside him as he thought of the awful room he sat in with its 'cheerful' orange walls, staring at the clock that hated him and told him that a minute had passed when he felt like it had been at least forty. When he drove into the car park and parked his car he sat still for a minute, trying to calm down. It wouldn't do any good for him to march into the psychiatry ward insulting every person who spoke to him – it would only increase his sessions, god forbid. He slammed his head on the steering wheel and rehearsed how he was going to act. No smiling, they'd think he was on drugs. Be pleasant, be polite. The two P's of returning to the twice monthly sessions. Perfect – now make that the three P's. Pleasant, polite, perfect.

He checked his reflection quickly in his wing mirror to make sure he didn't look like he had been chain smoking and binge drinking for the past week. He looked ok, a bit rough (he hadn't slept well the night before, or the night before that) but he could tell Sachiko-sensei that he had had a deadline to meet. No need to add insomnia to his list of problems. He didn't need any more medication, the lots he had already costing him more than enough as it was.

After ruffling his hair a little he managed to convince himself that he looked fine. He stared with loathing at the big white building across the car park from him and he took a deep breath. He needed a cigarette but it would not do his image any good to walk into the hospital reeking of smoke. He had denied himself his breakfast cigarette for that exact reason. He only had to wait another hour and a half until he could have one. Only 90 minutes. Seemed impossible to him.

He stared, filled with the alien feeling of dread in his stomach at the pristine white building. He began his walk to the hospital.

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Shuichi had just graduated from his high school with bad marks. No – not bad; terrible marks. For the first two weeks he had cried his eyes out, until his best friend, Hiro had told him to 'shut the fuck up and stop with the self-pitying crap' and to do a home-study college course in whatever he wanted to do, where he didn't need good marks. He spent the next four weeks deciding what he wanted to do. He chose psychology. Then he spent the next week crying because he couldn't afford to pay for the course. Fortunately, Hiro's dad (who was a doctor at the hospital) had found him a job in the psychiatry ward ("it'll look good on your CV when you get your degree") at Sato hospital as an assistant and receptionist. Shuichi was so grateful he spent another week crying.

He had started two days ago and loved his job. He was a very friendly person, so he chatted with a lot of the staff and patients. He also wore the women's uniform. It was nicer, he argued to anybody who confronted him, than the men's uniform of a lab coat or a suit. Nobody had had the heart to tell him that he couldn't wear it. So he wore it. Over the last two days he had learnt how to answer the phone (fun – "Good morning/afternoon, Sato Hospital's Psychiatry ward, Shindou Shuichi speaking, how can I help you?") and how to file records and add to patient's information onto the hospital database – something he had never learnt to do in high school. He had just about turned the reception desk into a home for himself with pot plants and photos– why shouldn't he? He had long working hours and worked most days.

Today was pretty quiet. He hadn't had many calls apart from a cancellation and a confirmation of an order he had made for the head of department. He sat back in his swivel chair boredly and spun around. He checked the time and the appointment sheet and saw that the next patient would be arriving for the 10 o'clock session soon. He loved talking to the patients. He himself had always hated quiet receptions and thought that the patients would enjoy a chat before they went with their psychiatrists to talk about painful or stressful things. So far all of his conversations had been good ones.

He heard the elevator open at the end of the corridor and he immediately stood up and tried to look busy and professional. He heard a person's footsteps and he looked up, smiling his cheerful smile that he had been perfecting for weeks. His smile fell from his face as he gave an unprofessional squeak. It was YUKI EIRI! His sister loved the novelist, and Shuichi had never met a celebrity before. Yuki stepped up to the desk.

"Uesugi Eiri," he told Shuichi boredly, "I have an appointment at 10."

Shuichi nodded dazedly, and then snapped back into his cheerful mood again and smiled at Yuki, who merely stared coldly back at him. Shuichi reached for his pencil holder to get a pen to tick 'Uesugi, Eiri' off on the register. Unfortunately, the day before he had emptied his pencil holder and refilled it with strawberry Pocky and he found himself trying to tick the name off with a stick of Pocky. "Oops," he said to Uesugi, Eiri. He was just regarded more coldly.

Slightly flustered now, he searched for a pen, rummaging unprofessionally in drawers until he located one. He ticked Eiri off on the register and smiled at him apologetically. "I haven't been here long," he explained.

"Ah." As if he cared.

"Excuse me if I'm mistaken," Shuichi continued on a different note, "but are you Yuki Eiri? It's just; well, you look a lot like him…"

Yuki nodded curtly at the pink haired receptionist. He had had gay fans salivating over him before but was this person for real? A pink haired brat in the women's uniform with a pencil holder full of Pocky? From the elevator the cross-dressing receptionist had actually looked a lot like a woman. It scared him slightly to know who was reading his books.

Shuichi's eyes grew wide. "You're Yuki Eiri? The novelist? Really? I'm not saying that you're lying but you're famous, and you're here! Can I have your autograph? For my sister I mean, I've never read your books. Her name is Maiko, but I think she's like it if you wrote Maiko-chan, you know?" He handed Yuki a piece of paper and a pen, and, to shut the babbling receptionist up, Yuki labouredly wrote his standard message to Maiko and signed it, putting two x's at the end. That done, Yuki went to take a seat, where he might get some peace and quiet.

But Shuichi hadn't finished with him yet. The receptionist continued to talk to him. "I can't believe Yuki-san came to this hospital, where I am! I'm Shuichi by the way, Shindou Shuichi."

"Pleasure to meet you," Yuki replied, his voice a monotone. Shuichi faltered slightly, none of the other patients had been so unresponsive.

"My sister is going to be so happy. She loves all of your books. I've never read them; my reading's not so good." He wrinkled his nose in obvious remembrance of a reading-related time. "She has loads of posters of you in her room. Can I ask you a question?"

"Knock yourself out," Yuki replied sarcastically.

"Don't you find it weird when fans obsess over you? I would hate it."

"You get used to it," Yuki told him dryly. The bubbly pink haired _thing _the hospital had stuffed in reception was slowly driving him to murderous thoughts. Had Sachiko-sensei managed to clone herself into cross-dressing man form? Yuki detested over-friendly people, especially over-friendly strangers.

"I don't think I ever could." Shuichi confessed, munching thoughtfully on a stick of Pocky. He caught Yuki eyeing his Pocky. "Want some?"

"No." Yuki replied bluntly, debating whether another murder would cause him further psychological damage. If the murder victim was Shuichi, Yuki concluded, probably not.

"I just want a normal job, you know?" Shuichi continued, oblivious to Yuki's rising anger levels. "My best friend got me this job. I want to be a psychiatrist. I think it would be really nice to be able to help people." He paused in more thought, and then added hastily: "I'm not accusing you of choosing a selfish job. I think writing is great… even though I'm not too good at writing stories…"

"Do you make it a habit to tell complete strangers about yourself?" Yuki asked him coldly. He figured that the only way the pink haired receptionist would understand that he was pissing Yuki off was by being blunt.

Shuichi looked a bit taken aback. "I'm sorry, I was just making conversation. I thought that you'd like to talk instead of sitting in silence."

"If I wanted to 'make conversation', it wouldn't be with a kid like you. What the hell compelled them to employ you here? This place is already full of useless brain-dead staff without you here."

Shuichi was hurt. He would never have guessed that Yuki Eiri would be such an asshole. His sister always told him about what a good person Yuki Eiri was, donating to charity and being charming in interviews. "Hey," Shuichi protested, "you can't just come in here and tell me I suck at my job! I didn't do anything to you."

"You didn't have to," Yuki told him, his anger dissipating now that Shuichi had dropped his cheerfulness. "Now be a good receptionist and answer the phones or something." Shuichi drew himself up, incensed and ready to argue.

Sachiko-sensei walked out into the reception and beamed at Yuki. "Uesugi-san, what _are_ you saying to our new receptionist?" She laughed at them both. "Don't worry about Uesugi-san, Shindou-san. He's a little bad tempered." Yuki cringed inwardly. He couldn't understand why Sachiko-sensei talked about him as if she were his mother. From the look on Shuichi's face he could tell that the receptionist loved the cheery psychiatrist. His clone in cross-dressing male form theory was beginning to prove itself. However, he didn't have long to dwell on it as Sachiko-sensei began to lead him towards her room.

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Shuichi waited furiously for the next hour for Yuki to leave. He spent a lot of his hour planning what he was going to say to the novelist when he came to the reception desk to make arrangements for the next session. Mentally unstable or not, Yuki Eiri was not going to get away with insulting his work. Shuichi was so angry that he ignored the next patient who tried to make conversation with him. He had just perfected his livid face when Yuki walked down the corridor into reception to stand in front of the desk.

"How can I help you?" Shuichi asked him in a clipped voice. He knew exactly what Yuki needed; Sachiko-sensei had faxed him the report for Yuki's first session ages ago.

"I need the report," Yuki stated, before adding against his better judgement, "Brat."

Shuichi bristled. Now he would pull out all the stops! "Funny, I need an apology. Can you help me out?" He replied wittily.

Yuki stared at him for a long time before leaning towards Shuichi until their faces were a few centimetres apart. "Don't fuck about, brat. Do you want to lose your job?"

Shuichi gulped, starting to wish he hadn't picked a fight with Yuki Eiri. "Just apologize and I'll give you the report." He was being extremely brave, which probably had a lot to do with the fact that he knew that Yuki wouldn't be able to hurt him if he was behind the desk.

"Give me the damn report." Yuki said softly, dangerously.

"No," Shuichi replied firmly, looking back into his eyes defiantly.

Without nicotine or alcohol in his system, Yuki wasn't feeling too in control, and having Shuichi push him wasn't doing him any good. "Kid, I'm not fucking around with you, if you don't give me that damn report, I'm going to do something bad to you, d'you hear?"

Shuichi seemed to be weighing up his options. Fight or flight? Yuki looked strong, and Shuichi wasn't the best at fighting – perhaps he should give in and get his revenge when Yuki was in a not-so-scary mood. "Take it," Shuichi muttered, and he threw the report unceremoniously into Yuki's hands. Yuki smirked at him.

"I'm glad you saw it my way, Shuichi_-kun_."

Shuichi glared at him. "I hate you."

Yuki shrugged and walked away.

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Revised 15th January 2008 – huge 'thank you' to blaqksilence, you are wonderful. 


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Regression

Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I OWN EVERYTHING IN THIS FIC… (…that's not in Murakami Maki's Gravitation…WAH!)

Summary: AU When Yuki's sessions with his psychiatrist increase, he hates it. Can a certain pink haired receptionist change his mind?

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'Next Wednesday at 10' became 'today in half an hour' pretty soon once again for Yuki. Time was definitely against Eiri. His report had been one of the scariest things he'd ever read – in each section 'regression', 'increased smoking and drinking habits' and 'stressed' were repeated at least three times.

"_Uesugi-san feels that he is __**smoking**__ and __**drinking**__ a lot more, it is possible that he is __**regressing**__ instead of progressing. He also feels '__**stressed**__' about his new sessions and is under a lot of __**stress**__ at work – having deadlines to meet. I, Takahashi Sachiko, believe that this new course will reduce his __**stress**__**drinking**__ and __**smoking**__, and help him progress instead of__** regress**__."_

Yuki admired Sachiko-sensei's style. She was irritating, drove him to suicidal thoughts and seemed to be completely useless as a psychiatrist but somehow her report had managed to help him drink and smoke a little less throughout the past week. This admiration, however, did not make him feel any happier about going back to the hospital this week. In fact – surprise, surprise - he was actually quite dreading today's session. They were going to be talking about his new prescription. His medication was the one thing he hated more than the actual sessions – it was impossible to live without once taken, you had awkward moments with friends if they were found around the house and the initial side effects are awful if you were unfortunate enough to get them.

"_The quicker you leave, the quicker you'll be able to go home_," Sachiko-sensei's voice said encouragingly in Yuki's head. He shuddered. Now he was schizophrenic.

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Shuichi was very excited on Yuki's counselling day. All week, he and Hiro had been planning his revenge plan. Hiro's suggestions had been completely over the top (he had been drunk at the time) and Shuichi had only listened to them for a laugh. He in the end, without any sensible ideas from his cleverer friend, he had fallen back on ignoring the writer – it worked on children didn't it? His logic was that if he ignored Yuki, Yuki would get pissed off and apologise so that Shuichi would talk to him. Shuichi was not going to let Yuki beat him. His threats the week before had annoyed Shuichi no end. It wasn't fair for Yuki to use force if he was bigger and stronger.

That morning Shuichi had woken up early to practice his professional 'I'm ignoring you' face. He had put on his nurse's uniform and had stared at himself in the mirror trying out different dirty looks and Yuki's own cold stare on his reflection. He could smell victory in the air.

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There was a funny vibe around the hospital. Yuki had felt it as soon as he had stepped out of his car. He was getting the feeling that he always got when his day was going to turn out like shit. As his foot hit the concrete of the car park his bad luck radar picked up on something and his negativity moved to an all time lowest level. Not for the first time in his life, Yuki questioned his existence.

He took his usual route to the psychiatric ward, trying to shake off the feeling that the day would turn out badly. He would definitely not look very sane if his bad luck radar was on red alert. The feeling got worse as the elevator took him up to the psychiatric ward and they reached a peak at the reception. Ah, he thought, Shindou Shuichi.

"Uesugi Eiri," Yuki told Shuichi as he had the week before, and then took a seat. He watched Shuichi tick off his name and noticed that his Pocky holder was empty. What a shame. Unfortunately, he still hadn't ditched his uniform.

A huge silence descended upon Yuki and Shuichi. All noises seemed to cease leaving a quiet that could rival the quiet of the bottom of the ocean. Shuichi was having a very hard time ignoring Yuki. He did not have the upper hand he had hoped for. Yuki was completely unconcerned that Shuichi hadn't said a word to him! He tried his best to keep reminding himself that it had only been a minute and that Yuki would need time to crack.

A minute passed slowly. Shuichi coughed loudly. Yuki glanced at him briefly and then returned to his silent waiting. Shuichi glared at him, but of course, the glare went unnoticed. Another long minute passed and Shuichi's impatience and anger levels continued rising rapidly. A tension seemed to be building in the air and Shuichi was drowning in it, unable to breathe. It wouldn't be long until Shuichi cracked. He'd lost the upper hand already.

"Apologise Yuki-san." Shuichi ordered bluntly.

Yuki turned slowly to look at Shuichi. "I'm sorry…" Yuki taunted Shuichi, monotonous even in jest. "I don't follow. Apologise for what?"

"For being rude to me last week, for threatening me and for telling me that I suck at my job!" Shuichi exclaimed furiously. "Don't pretend you don't remember."

"Ah, well I meet and insult a lot of people - could you remind me who you are?"

"I'm Shuichi Shindou! You came here last week and told me that you would hurt me if I didn't give you the report – and I only took it to make you apologise to me for being so rude!"

"Shindou-kun, what are you shouting about in front of Uesugi-san?" Sachiko-sensei asked, having come into the waiting room to collect Yuki and being met with the raving of the cross-dressing receptionist.

"Sorry," Shuichi said sheepishly His cheeks warmed with embarrassment and he bowed his head low to hide it. He would not show weakness! "Sorry Uesugi-san." He spat out in the most civil tone he could muster in front of Sachiko-sensei.

Sachiko-sensei led Yuki out of the room and into her room. She smiled cheerfully at him and pointed at the uncomfortable chair that he would have to endure for the next hour without fidgeting. Fidgeting suggested cravings, which he was _not _having, as he had insisted to Sachiko-sensei the week before.

"How are you this week Uesugi-san?" Sachiko asked, once they were both seated. She pulled out a clipboard and a pen and smiled expectantly at him.

"I'm fine," Yuki replied mechanically. That was his answer every week.

"Has anything happened this week that you feel you need to discuss with me?"

"Nothing." Yuki told her – always the same.

"And how is your alcohol consumption? Your smoking? Has that changed at all?"

"I'm cutting down," Yuki told her, having smoked just the tiniest bit less.

Sachiko scribbled this down and then smiled brightly at him. "That's good." Yuki wondered if she knew that he was lying; if she did, then she never showed it. "Now, I would like you to tell me a bit more about your family and friends. From what you told me at the assessment session last week, you don't like going out much anymore and," she consulted a sheet on her clipboard, "you don't have a very good relationship with your family. Firstly, could you tell me about your family? Why is it that you don't see them very often?"

Yuki had answered these questions countless times. He wasn't a psychiatrist and hadn't studied psychology, but surely repeating the same information over and over was not going to help him. He was pretty sure he was wasting his money seeing his psychiatrist, but when he had suggested stopping before she had insisted that he had made enormous progress and to stop would set him back – would make him 'regress' ironically enough.

"I don't have a good relationship with my parents. My mother died when I was young and my father is too preoccupied with his shrine. He had wanted me to follow in his footsteps and become a monk but I refused. He doesn't approve of how I live or my profession, and I'm not really looking for his approval, so I don't make the effort to see him very often. I get along ok with my sister Mika, I suppose, but she lives to irritate me. I have a younger brother who sponges off me whenever he comes to visit, and a brother-in-law who cannot leave me alone." He recited all of this boredly, the words etched into his brain permanently. Sachiko seemed to be hearing this all for the first time, nodding enthusiastically and taking down notes. He really did have to find himself another psychiatrist sometime, after enduring almost two years with this relentlessly happy woman.

"And how was your relationship with your family before the incident with Kitazawa Yuki?" Sachiko asked, her smile soft as she mentioned his past.

"My father ignored me a lot, and I wasn't at home a lot of the time. I lived in America with my brother-in-law, Tohma, for a while too and that was fine. I got along fine with Mika and Tatsuha though, considering that I didn't see them very often." This, too, was said like he was reading it off a piece of paper.

"When was the last time you saw your father, Uesugi-san?"

He thought back. It must have been…New Year? Yes, that's right, Tatsuha had dragged him to their house in Kyoto and had kept him prisoner in one of the bedrooms. It was now May. "I saw them a few months ago," Yuki lied again, hoping she wouldn't press it.

"Could you be a bit more precise Uesugi-san? March? February?"

Dammit, he cursed silently. "December 31st," Yuki told her, staring out of the window as he said it.

Sachiko made no reaction to his answer; Yuki supposed it was part of her job not to. "Ok, could you tell me why you haven't seen him?"

Yuki shrugged. "No reason."

"Uh huh," Sachiko nodded, noting down his answer. "And… how about your brother or sister? Or your brother-in-law? You're quite close to him, right?"

"Not exactly, but I did see Mika and Tohma last month, and Tatsuha the month before."

These questions went on for ages, sometimes looping back on themselves, his answers often summarised. She asked the same questions about friends and, ironically, about his attitude towards others. In fact, Sachiko wasn't far off from asking "Why do you react the way you do when Shuichi Shindou talks to you?" By the end of the session Eiri was sick and tired of being made to look guilty.

Once Sachiko-sensei had bid him her goodbyes to him and closed her office door (wasn't it common courtesy for her to take him back to the waiting room at least?), inspiration hit him. There was a vending machine further along the corridor that sold Pocky and other crappy snacks – he could buy the receptionist Pocky to refill the pencil holder, and it might get the brat off his case. He quickly bought the Pocky (patients weren't supposed to use the staff vending machine – or even supposed to be in the corridor alone) and made his way back to the reception, thinking for the second time that day that the sessions may have had an effect on him.

Seeing Shuichi glowering at him immediately made him wish he hadn't bought the kid anything.

"Brat." He acknowledged Shuichi. He let Shuichi's frown deepen before throwing the box of Pocky at him. Shuichi caught it instinctively, but with a confused expression on his face. His expression softened immediately after briefly examining the box.

"Thank you…" he breathed his eyes wide in awe. _Was it really such a big deal?_ Eiri wondered, half rolling his eyes. "Does this mean you're sorry? I'm so happy! My sister loved your autograph by the way, even though I was mad at you I gave it to her and I said all these horrible things. I did want to tell you earlier but I was really angry with you. But I'm sorry too; I guess I do suck a little at my job. Everybody here has told me to stop talking to the patients because it isn't professional. They said they'd fire me but Hiro's dad won't let them. He's pretty high up in this hospital, you know?" Shuichi finished proudly.

Eiri growled in frustration. How was it possible to be so annoying in so many different ways? Angry Shuichi was annoying because he shouted; Happy Shuichi was annoying because he wouldn't shut up. "Listen, kid, I'm not your friend. In fact, you should know that I don't like you at all, you piss me off. I only bought you that stuff to make you leave me alone. Now, please, leave me alone."

"Oh, I, err…" Shuichi was taken aback by Eiri's bluntness, so it took a second for the hurt to sink in. "I'm sorry," Shuichi offered, but realised that Eiri wasn't looking for an apology, but for Shuichi to leave him alone. Shuichi closed his mouth quickly as if to stop the words that constantly left his mouth. He lowered his head, his eyes downcast, trying to show Eiri that he would leave him alone. Eiri seemed satisfied with this, because when Shuichi had summoned up enough courage to look up, the waiting room was completely deserted.

* * *

**Thank you for the wonderful reviews I got for chapter 1! I really didn't expect that many! Thank you!**

Revised 15th January 2008- Thank you muchly wonderful beta blaqksilence!


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Regression

Chapter: 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of Murakami-sensei's characters

Summary: AU When Yuki's sessions with his psychiatrist increase, he hates it. Can a certain pink haired receptionist change his mind?

* * *

Tohma Seguchi was extremely protective of his brother in law. They had known each other long before Tohma had married Eiri's sister Mika, and had even spent a few years living together in America when Eiri had felt he couldn't cope with being ostracized anymore because of his hair and eye colour. It was Tohma who had introduced Eiri to Yuki Kitazawa, who would later be murdered. So Tohma blamed himself for Eiri's condition, and felt that there was no reason why he should not be overprotective of Eiri. He believed that somehow, by not seeing through Yuki Kitazawa, he had driven Eiri to shoot his tutor. It was because of all this that Tohma made frequent visits to Eiri; sometimes with Mika, often alone.

The week before, Tohma had put off visiting Eiri, knowing that the novelist would not be in a good mood after having his counselling sessions increase. The next week though, he decided that the writer had had enough time to let out his anger and accept his therapy changes, and would be ready for a visitor. Now, he was sitting on Eiri's large couch in the living room, and was watching the younger man drink.

Over the past few months, Tohma had noticed the increase in Eiri's drinking. Eiri didn't smoke much in front of Tohma or his sister, but he had seen the change in packet size too. He had been worried, but he had promised Eiri multiple times that he would stop interfering with his life and he pushed his worries aside. Now though, he was itching to nag Eiri and chant 'I told you so' childishly, but he controlled himself as he always did and refrained from mentioning anything to do with his counselling.

"How are you, Eiri-san?" Tohma asked - the first thing he had said to Eiri since he had come in apart from his greeting at the door.

"I'm fine," Eiri replied, frowning moodily in Tohma's direction before downing the last of his drink in a large mouthful. He was drinking vodka, and not in a small glass, so he had to conceal a wince as the fiery liquid burnt his throat. There had not been a small quantity left in his glass.

"What did Sachiko-san say about your drinking?"

"Stop mothering me Seguchi!" Eiri snapped. He couldn't understand what he had done to deserve such an irritating brother-in-law. "It's only one drink."

"You've had two since I got here," Tohma pointed out calmly. "And your glass was half full when I arrived."

Eiri growled angrily and poured himself another drink to spite Tohma's words. Once he had drained the drink (which took all of a few seconds) he lit a cigarette.

"You'll explode if you smoke that after drinking so much, Eiri-san," Tohma warned, trying to keep what he said as advice, not an order. Eiri hated being told what to do, and orders usually made him do the complete opposite of what he was supposed to or not supposed to be doing.

"See if I care." Eiri put the cancer stick in his mouth resolutely and took a long drag before releasing the smoke slowly, letting it curl slowly as it left his mouth. Tohma rested his elbows on his knees and then his chin on his hands as he regarded Eiri coolly.

"You're damaging your health Eiri-san. Mika-san is worried about you. She wanted me to remind you of what happened last time. Are you eating much?"

Eiri snorted. "As if she cares. All she's interested in is her car, money and our old man." He felt a little lightheaded but he paid no heed to his body's first warning of him reaching his limit. He didn't have any deadlines to meet or places to go and Tohma's presence made no difference to the hours he had to kill until his next meeting with his editor or session at Sato Hospital. He was happy with his alcohol and cigarettes and being away from the world. "Anyway Seguchi, if anything happens to me it will be because you're here." He looked the older blond squarely in the eyes. "You piss me off."

Tohma never paid any attention to Eiri's insults. He was an angry person, and without blame. The insults had been explained to him by a psychiatrist friend as a barrier against people that cared for him. He explained that Eiri was scared because he had cared for Yuki and Yuki had taken advantage of that care. "Please calm down, Eiri-san."

"Don't tell me what to do." Eiri spat. He crushed his finished cigarette into his ashtray and poured himself another drink. "Don't think I won't blast your brains out like I did to that fucking rapist bastard."

"Eiri-san, I think you've had enough to drink. Why don't you go to bed?" Tohma stood up and picked up the rest of Eiri's vodka.

"Put my fucking drink down!" Eiri roared, standing up. "If I drink myself to death it'll be your fault Seguchi! It's your fault I'm like this!" His voice faltered a little as he looked down at himself in disgust. "You should have died like Kitazawa." His voice was low with a menace not unlike the growl of a feral dog defending itself. Tohma saw his vulnerability.

Tohma watched Eiri calmly as he shouted insults at him, bottle still in hand. He had seen Eiri like this a few times before and knew that it was best to let him shout himself out than to try to quiet him. Once Eiri had finished, he swayed weakly on his feet and let himself fall back down onto the couch. He retched, covering his mouth with his hands. It wasn't uncommon for him to get drunk, shout and puke, but instead of going to the bathroom as he normally would, he sat still. Tohma watched curiously as Eiri made quiet retching noises into his hand, missing Eiri's brief pleading look. Crimson liquid seeped from between his fingers and dripped onto the carpet.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Shuichi was typing up new information into the ward's database when he phone rang. He squealed mentally – he adored receiving the phone calls and taking messages.

"Good morning, Sato Hospital's psychiatry ward, Shindou Shuichi speaking, how can I help you?"

"Good morning," a creepily pleasant voice replied. "I'm calling to cancel Uesugi Eiri's appointment. Could you pass on a message to Takahashi Sachiko?"

"Certainly," Shuichi replied politely, wondering what had happened to Yuki Eiri. "Could I take your name please?"

"My name is Seguchi Tohma; I'm Uesugi-san's brother-in-law." He paused, giving Shuichi time to write down his name. "Could you tell Takahashi-san that he is in the Observation ward? He vomited blood this morning and had to stay for some tests. He should be there for a few days in case he worsens."

"I'll pass on the message, Seguchi-san, thank you for calling."

Shuichi put down the phone, looking worriedly at what he'd written down. Throwing up blood? He wasn't a doctor, but that had to be serious – it didn't take a genius to figure out that much. Shuichi tried to shrug off his worry and dialed the extension for the phone in Sachiko's room. Shuichi knew that she had a patient with her, but he figured that the news had to be passed on urgent.

"This is Takahashi Sachiko."

"Sachiko-san, there's been a cancellation…"

Sachiko cut him off. "Shindou-san, I'm in the middle of a session, and you don't have to call me every time there's a change in somebody's schedule. I'll see to it later."

"But it's an emergency," Shuichi began, but Sachiko had already hung up. _How rude_, Shuichi bristled. The worry that he had been feeling flooded back for reasons unknown to him. Maybe Yuki would get sicker if Sachiko-san didn't know what had happened. He could be in dire need of someone to talk to, to relieve his stress. Shuichi gasped. Seguchi-san had entrusted him with Yuki's condition and had ordered him to tell Sachiko. What if Sachiko never found out that Yuki was sick? What if she couldn't visit him?

Yuki had bought Shuichi Pocky last week. He was a good person, whether he acted like it or not. Perhaps he should visit him…? Shuichi debated the pros and cons of visiting the writer. He could pretend to be a nurse (easy enough in his uniform and with his name tag) but perhaps Yuki wouldn't want him there and would tell another doctor that he had visited. Shuichi's mental argument went on for a while before he decided that the best thing to do would be to visit him.

Shuichi wrote down Seguchi Tohma's details in a thick marker and left the note where even a blind person would be able to see it. As soon as it turned twelve on the clock in the reception he zoomed off to the Observation ward. He found Yuki's room quickly after spinning a story to a ditzy looking nurse about Sachiko sending him to visit Uesugi Eiri. He knocked hesitantly before entering.

"Hi," he started lamely, seeing that Eiri was awake and did not look like a very sick man or a man in dire need of counselling. He looked around the room for something to say and then decided that he owed an explanation to the novelist as to why he was there. "A friend of yours called and told me what happened. I… thought you might like a visitor. I bought you flowers." He gingerly set a bunch of mixed flowers on Yuki's bedside table. He had been inspired to buy them at the sight of another patient chatting to the vendor about her sick husband in the ICU. "I didn't know what flowers you liked so I got all different types. See? Here are some tulips, some roses, a few carnations, and look, a daffodil…"

"Shut up," Yuki said venomously, silencing Shuichi's list of flowers. "I've just had five different tests and your voice is doing my head in. I don't care why you're here or what kind of flowers you got me. I want you to get out."

Shuichi blinked dopily at Yuki, grinning stupidly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to annoy you, I just thought…"

"You didn't think anything. Stop forcing yourself on me; I'm not interested; so get out of here before I call the doctor. I don't suppose it will do your job any good to be caught harassing a patient." He smirked sadistically despite the searing pain that had started up again in his stomach.

Shuichi nodded, and then opened his mouth to say something else. Seeing Yuki's face he quickly shut it and nodded again. "I'm sorry Yuki-san."

"Just fuck off brat," Eiri growled.

Shuichi ducked his head and left the room feeling very hurt. As he trailed back sadly to his desk in the psychiatry ward he noticed that people were staring at him strangely. The ditzy nurse even asked him if he was ok. He assumed it was because he looked miserable until he felt something hot trickle down his left cheek. He was crying and he couldn't even remember when he had started. He rubbed roughly at his cheek, feeling stupid.

"Crying without reason," he muttered to himself, "the first sign of madness." Then he laughed. _Laughing and muttering to yourself, _he though, _the second._ Cheered up, Shuichi returned to his desk with a spring in his step, greeting each nurse he passed happily.

* * *

Eiri turned to look at his flowers. The brat must have spent a fortune on them, it was a big bunch and hospital flowers were not known for their low prices. _Dammit, the kid was beyond irritating_, Eiri cursed mentally. He figured that he must be a magnet for bad luck, after the stress he'd been under for the past three weeks. Speaking of which…Eiri winced as a wave of pain from his stomach shot through his body. Damn ulcers. He tried not to cough too loudly – the last thing he wanted was for the doctor to return. He frowned as the coppery taste of blood filled his mouth. Why was he still bleeding? He reached for the bowl left out for him and spat out the blood. What a giveaway.

It was all the brat's fault. His condition had stabilized once he was at the hospital and now the idiot receptionist had un-stabilized him again. _Damn punk,_ Yuki thought bitterly.

* * *

**Wowzer, thanks so much for all the reviews, I feel so popular! XD They mean an awful lot to me, so please keep it up, and I especially love you if you review more than once…hint?**

Revised on 27th January 2008. Beta-d by blaqksilence – thank you!


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Regression

Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Gravitation is not mine…

Summary: AU When Yuki's sessions with his psychiatrist increase, he hates it. Can a certain pink haired receptionist change his mind?

* * *

Eiri glanced at the clock on the wall. He had been working on the outline of his next novel to pass the time before his next session, and he had become so absorbed in his work he'd forgotten to keep his eye on the time. He had been discharged from the hospital with instructions to eat small but regular meals, cut down on cigarettes and alcohol and up his medication until his stomach ulcers died down a little. That had bought him up to three different tablets and five pills per day. On each packet of pills it was recommended to the taker of the message not to take other medication whilst on the pill, and not to take more than four per day. He hadn't taken the advice of the packet at all. Medication would definitely be the death of him.

His clock told him that it was five to ten. _Shit! How had it gotten so late? _He jumped up, ignoring the pain in his leg (it had fallen asleep; he had been working solidly since eight o'clock) and hobbled to the car as fast as he could, almost forgetting to grab his car keys. Sachiko would have his guts for garters for being late. Eiri reckoned that she lived for the day he came in late and looking at his worst so she could pronounce him crazy or 'mentally unstable' and throw him into a (high priced) loony bin.

He drove like a madman (_how convenient_) and arrived at the hospital half an hour late for his appointment. By the time he got to the psychiatry ward he was panting heavily. Shuichi stared at him.

"Good morning Uesugi-san," he said politely, though not looking him in the eye. "Has your appointment time changed?"

"Cut the shit brat. I know I'm late so don't get smart with me."

"Right, I'm sorry Uesugi-san, let me just check that for you. We don't usually have half hourly sessions…they're all on the o'clock…" Shuichi dutifully tapped in the necessary information on the computer. "Uesugi-san, your session's at ten o'clock, you're early."

"What?"

"The clock's behind me," Shuichi pointed it out, "it's half past nine, see? Oh yeah! And the clocks went back yesterday." Shuichi told him helpfully, nodding wisely.

"Goddammit!" Yuki roared, banging one fist on the desk. Shuichi looked professionally startled.

"Would you like me to call Sachiko-sensei, Uesugi-san?" He spoke in a concerned voice, and it grated on Yuki's already frazzled nerves.

"I'm fine," he growled, but in a tone that admitted defeat. He took a seat in the waiting room. It was only then that he remembered that he hadn't taken any of his medication that morning. His head was already beginning to throb.

Shuichi sat down and began typing, occasionally singing snatches of songs quietly in a surprisingly tuneful voice. Yuki massaged his forehead as he listened, deciding whether to complain or let the kid be. The rhythmic sounds of the typing and quiet singing were quite soothing, and he let his shoulders relax a little, making his decision.

Seeing Yuki rubbing his forehead out of the corner of his eye, Shuichi ceased his singing and typing. He felt sorry for Yuki, he looked pretty rough. "I'm not allowed to offer you an aspirin, Uesugi-san," Shuichi said, not even looking at him (it made him look powerful and able to read minds as a real receptionist could), "but I can offer you a drink, if it'll help."

Yuki glanced at him. "I'll have a coffee, black, no sugar."

Shuichi nodded and walked down the corridor to the tiny psychiatry ward kitchen. It was very basic – it had a kettle, microwave sink and a mini fridge – because it was rarely used. The only thing it was used for was for making drinks, and that was all that Shuichi needed. He made Yuki a mug of instant coffee, hoping that he wouldn't mind too much about the cheap granules, and made up a plate of biscuits. For himself, he filled up a glass with tap water.

He handed Yuki his coffee and set the plate of biscuits down on the chair beside Yuki with a 'Sachiko smile' on his face. He sat down opposite Yuki.

"How are you Yuki-san?" He asked cheerily.

"Don't you ever give up?" Yuki groaned, feeling his headache return with reinforcements.

"Don't you know that asking for a coffee is an invitation for conversation?"

"I didn't ask for coffee, you offered."

"But you accepted, and that means that you're willing to converse." Shuichi smiled broadly at him, sipping delicately at his glass of water and helping himself to a biscuit. "Conversation will be good for you; I've heard that you're having social problems."

Yuki decided not to reply. Why waste more time with the kid?

"You're a pessimist Yuki-san." Shuichi said decisively, nodding his head for emphasis. "Hiro told me that pessimism shortened lives. He's really smart and knows interesting things. I didn't get what he meant, I mean, would you understand why being a pessimist would shorten lives? He told me that it's because if you think bad things, it makes you almost like a magnet for bad luck. If you think and worry about things enough, they happen - or something like that. When he told me that, I tried my hardest to think about good things, and it really works. I failed high school, sure, but I got a good job, and a nice apartment, even though I have to share it with Hiro."

"What's the point of this intriguing analogy?"

"Well, you look angry, so you must be thinking of bad things. I'm just trying to tell you to be happy."

"You're obsessed with fucking happiness." He grouched, more exasperated than angry. "All queers are."

Shuichi's brow crinkled as he processed Eiri's comment. "I'm not gay!" He said loudly, defensively.

"No?" Yuki questioned boredly. "So you cross dress at work and flirt with men for fun, then?"

"I don't flirt with men!"

"My mistake."

"You called me gay last week too," Shuichi accused. "Why do you think I'm attracted to you?"

"Haven't I told you I made a mistake?" Yuki wished he'd kept quiet. Accusing the brat of being gay was like adding another log to an already raging fire.

"You don't mean it!"

"It's hard to not notice someone who is constantly throwing himself at you."

"All I wanted was an apology. Why does that make me a gay who's obsessed with you?"

"Forget I said anything then. You're pissing me off."

Shuichi obeyed and returned to his desk without a fight. He didn't feel anything for Eiri Yuki, why would he think that? The cross-dressing made him look a little queer but it didn't explain his alleged crush on the novelist. Perhaps it was his pushiness, or over friendliness? Or perhaps it was the novelist's illness…paranoia?

The next quarter of an hour passed excruciatingly slowly for the both of them. For Shuichi, it was the embarrassment. For Yuki, it was the immense boredom and lack of alcohol, nicotine and decent caffeine. The tension in the waiting room dropped visibly when Sachiko-sensei's new assistant called Eiri through to Sachiko's room. Eiri's first impression of the new assistant was 'another strange-hair-coloured freak'. _Was it the new working system? Where everybody, even retards, was equal? _

Once Yuki was safely stashed away in Sachiko-sensei's clutches, Shuichi let himself breathe properly again. He hadn't wanted to draw attention to himself, so he had been as quiet as he could, typing very slowly (even by his snail's pace standard) and breathing as little and as quietly as he could. He had been thinking to himself: so maybe he did find Eiri Yuki incredibly sexy – loads of people did – but he wasn't about to act on it. Boys often had crushes on other men; it was hormones, a phase, or curiosity. He wasn't gay. He was normal. Hiro didn't think he was gay. Neither did his sister. (Not that he'd ever asked either of them).

"Wake up Shindou-san."

"ARG!" Shuichi screamed, having temporarily forgotten everything around him and definitely not noticed that the new assistant had joined him in his secretarial tasks. "I mean, ACHOO!" He fake-sneezed loudly. Childish though it was, he could not let himself show any kind of weakness to his new 'rival', or 'work mate' as the head of department had described the freak.

"Bless you," 'Suguru Fujisaki' - was that his name? – said absently.

"Thanks," Shuichi said, breathing a small sigh of relief. He had felt so betrayed when the head of department had told him about the kid on work experience. The stupid punk was only sixteen, and Shuichi was outraged. The younger teen was an assistant – a higher ranking than Shuichi's receptionist status – and could be in the room with the patient and even TAKE NOTES for the psychiatrists when they needed him to. Shuichi bristled, having spaced out again. A high pitched bleep from the fax machine startled him out of his reverie and he ran to the fax machine before Fujisaki could take _that _job from him too. "Hey, err, Fujisaki-kun, could you get me another glass of water?" He lifted up his empty glass. "I'm so thirsty." The kid did, sometimes, have his uses though – he did what he was told by every one of the staff.

"Of course, Shindou-san." The boy trotted off obediently to the kitchen.

Shuichi smiled smugly at the kid's back as he stacked the faxes he had received. He decided at that moment that he was going to have various servants at his beck and call once he became a famous psychiatrist and had Sato Hospital's Psychiatry ward under his power so that rivals like Fujisaki would not be employed. Feeling very triumphant in his thoughts of power, Shuichi heroically bit the top off a Pocky stick that had somehow found its way into his hand.

He grinned to himself for a while and then let the smile drop sheepishly. He had to stop forgetting that he wasn't alone; he was weird enough as it was with his pink hair and cross-dressing.

Suguru returned with his drink and they exchanged polite conversation for a little while, Shuichi chattering loudly and Fujisaki being creepily polite. Both, really, felt forced to like the other. Thankfully for Shuichi, Suguru was soon called to take notes for another psychiatrist.

* * *

Yuki, who only two weeks ago had felt that he had made a little progress social-wise and was starting to not hate his sessions so much, had his session cut short. Another of Sachiko's patients came into the waiting room with her husband, shrieking and sobbing hysterically, scaring Shuichi half to death.

The distressed woman's husband explained briefly to Shuichi his wife's condition and his urgency to see Sachiko and Shuichi promptly lead the couple to Sachiko's room where Eiri was kicked out immediately and Shuichi was given the instruction to sort out Eiri's appointment and bill. Eiri stared bemusedly at the closed door with a slightly shaken Shuichi.

"You okay kid?" He asked without real concern, but having noticed how pale the he was.

"Ye-yeah," Shuichi told him, not taking his wide, scared eyes off the door. He could hear the woman's muffled sobs, and he was reminded forcibly of the last time he'd seen somebody in that condition. He drew in a shaky breath and tore his eyes away from the door, trying not to listen to the wails coming from within the room. "C'mon Yuki-san, I'll sort out your appointment."

Eiri grunted and looked once more at the door before finally transferring his full gaze to Shuichi. He looked a bit downcast. "Don't let it get to you; this place is full of people like her." It was the most comfort he let himself give.

Shuichi shook his head, as if to clear it of something, and then he smiled up at Eiri. "I might be able to book you in for another appointment sometime this week."

Eiri followed Shuichi back through to the reception and waiting room. He felt as though he'd seen a little into Shuichi's life just then. Shuichi displayed his emotions so the whole world could see them, and somebody working in the psychiatry ward was always taught to keep their emotions in check, so something wasn't adding up. The kid was new, granted, but even new workers tried to keep their feelings to themselves. Something had definitely spooked the little brat.

Shuichi babbled happily to Eiri as he looked for the available appointment times during the week with Sachiko, supposedly over his moment. Eiri looked at him properly for the first time. He had big innocent eyes (which left him with a permanent confused look) and his candyfloss pink hair was getting long and flopped a little into his eyes. Eiri wasn't going to deny that the kid was cute. But he was going to end the obsession with him today.

"Ah…Yuki-san…you're staring at me and its creeping me out." Shuichi laughed nervously.

"Sorry," Yuki said absently, not noticing Shuichi's face light up at the simple apology. He was trying to think of the name of the ward furthest away from psychiatry. He settled on dentistry after a moment's thought. It should work, since Shuichi was so helpful.

"…so there's an hour free on Friday at two o'clock, or, if you prefer morning sessions, there was a cancellation for Monday's appointment at eleven. You can choose now Yuki-san, or you could call later on in the week. I'll make sure they don't get booked up." He gave Yuki a conspiratorial wink.

"Hey brat, Shuichi, I need help getting to the dentistry building…"

Shuichi immediately took the bait; he was way too trusting for his own good. "I'll help you get there. It's easy-peasy." He trotted down the corridor to the lifts. Yuki wondered fleetingly how the boy got away with leaving the desk unattended and just dropping everything to take a patient to another building.

The lifts arrived empty, perfect for Eiri's plan. Shuichi stepped unsuspectingly into the lift, smiling happily up at Yuki and humming cheerfully. Yuki followed him and stood quietly until the elevator doors closed and it began its descent to the ground floor. Eiri counted ten seconds before pressing the emergency stop button. The lift ground to a halt, bumping slightly as the rope went taut.

"What did you do that for?" Shuichi asked, his voice rising with panic as he immediately jumped to the worst conclusions. What if he'd gotten himself trapped with a homicidal maniac? He had read a little of Eiri's report during their first fight, but he didn't know exactly why Yuki was being treated. He actually wasn't far off with his conclusion. Yuki took a slow step towards Shuichi, who cowered against the wall. Eiri put a hand on either side of Shuichi, enjoying the fear in the boy's eyes.

"Listen," Shuichi began to say, talking quickly and looking frantically for an escape route. "If it's about how I've been acting I can stop. I promise I won't talk to you. I can even stay away from the reception if you're around. Please. I'll leave you alone." His heart was beating painfully against his ribcage and his throat and eyes were burning with tears unshed. Shuichi forced himself to look Yuki in the face but his eyes kept darting from side to side, not wanting to look at him. "Please, please -"

Eiri pressed his lips to Shuichi's, effectively silencing the boy. Shuichi's eyes widened, paralysed with terror. Was Yuki going to rape him before killing him? He'd heard about creepy foreigners who did all kinds of things to their victims, and Yuki did look foreign. Until he had spoken Japanese so fluently, Shuichi had believed him to be a gaijin.

Shuichi regained a little control of his body and tried to push Yuki away, but Yuki stopped him by moving one of his own hands to push Shuichi firmly against the elevator wall, trapping him. In Shuichi's mind, hours passed and he was still trapped, feeling only the movement of Yuki's lips against his and the taste of Yuki's tongue in his mouth. Shuichi let his shoulders slump slightly in defeat, before stiffening again when Yuki's hand found its way to his stomach and slide it's way up to his chest. Tears spurted from between Shuichi's firmly closed eyes. Eiri pulled away.

Without a word, Yuki moved away from Shuichi. Shuichi's legs gave out under him and he slid to the floor, crying silently. Cold sweat covered his body. What was going to happen now? Was this the end? Yuki restarted the lift, and when it reached the ground floor he left without a backward glance at Shuichi. Shuichi stared after him, sobbing quietly, not sure whether to feel relieved or not.

* * *

**I know I make Yuki out to be a bastard – I'm sorry! It won't last much longer I promise!**

Revised on 28th January 2008. Beta'd by blaqksilence.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Regression

Chapter: 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation

Summary: AU When Yuki's sessions with his psychiatrist increase, he hates it. Can a certain pink haired receptionist change his mind?

(A/N: Yay for 1000 hits!)

* * *

Eiri was about to have his shower when the doorbell rang. He cursed loudly and pulled the shirt that he'd only seconds before removed back on. If it was Tohma back to check on him or Mika back to nag or even the little runt Tatsuha back to beg for money or a place to stay, he'd give them an earful. It was nine thirty in the evening; didn't they have anything better to do? He opened the door, ready to give his visitor the worst look he could muster.

The first thing that went wrong was that he found himself having to look up to meet the eyes of the long haired stranger standing at his door. The guy looked angry, and Eiri saw that he held the same ruthless look in his eyes as him. They regarded each other coolly.

"Yuki-san?" The stranger had a calm voice, and he waited patiently for his affirmation.

Eiri gave a curt nod, and a split second later he felt a fist connect with his jaw and his head fly back with the impact of the punch. He resisted the urge to show his pain with ease after years of practice, and kept his face impassive as he continued to look at the stranger. That was the second thing that went wrong. He could feel a bruise forming and he loathed the man in front of him – not so much for the bruise but for the questions he would have to answer come his next visitor or next Wednesday. The stranger watched him for a second longer, and then smirked, satisfied.

"Don't fuck with Shuichi ever again, bastard. Next time you won't get away with just a bruise." He turned around and walked back the way he came, leaving Eiri to watch after him. Eiri considered going after him and making sure the red head never crossed his path again. He decided that it would not be a good idea, as he'd be answering to GBH charges as well as for a bruise. He guessed that the stranger had been the much-talked-about best friend of Shuichi, Hiro.

He would not let that stupid punk one-up him.

* * *

Shuichi heard the familiar rumble of his best friend's motorbike outside at long last. He hated it when Hiro left him alone in the flat at night – especially when he didn't know where he had gone. Shuichi had a constant conviction that his friends had died when he didn't know where they were or others asked him if he knew where they were. He had been sick with worry since he had gotten out of the bathroom and found the flat to be empty.

He hovered anxiously by the door until he heard the heavy communal door to the block of flats slam and footsteps on the cold concrete steps. He opened the door and threw himself into Hiro's arms. This display of affection embarrassed neither of them – they were already known as the 'funny homosexual couple on the first floor', so what harm could this embrace do their image?

"Hiiiiiroooo!" Shuichi bawled, "Where have you been? I've been worried sick! How could you leave me alone after what happened today?"

"Calm down. I only went to the shop." Hiro consoled his melodramatically distressed friend. A neighbour opened the door and eyed them nosily, wanting to know what the late-night commotion was about. "I'm so sorry I worried you, _Shu-chan._" He wrapped his arms around Shuichi and winked at the neighbour over the shoulder of the strawberry-pink haired boy. The neighbour blushed slightly and hastily retreated into her house.

"You're sleeping on the couch tonight," Shuichi informed Hiro grumpily, snuffling slightly into the sleeve of Hiro's jacket as he clung onto his best friend's arm. The two of them had a bed each, but Shuichi often snuck into Hiro's bed in the middle of the night after having a nightmare. "A good husband never leaves his wife alone in the house at night. That'll teach you a lesson." He finished haughtily.

"A good wife usually cooks and cleans, but it's always me that does both." Hiro pointed out. Shuichi stuck up his middle finger at Hiro by way of reply and led him back into the house mock seductively when he saw the neighbour peering at them through her letterbox. It was Shuichi's job to cook and clean as he didn't contribute much towards paying the rent, but as he was so bad at both Hiro had taken over both tasks too.

Hiro was thankful that Shuichi had been distracted by their new 'marital status' and hadn't asked why Hiro had gone to the shop at near ten at night. Hiro happily spent the rest of the night role playing an extremely sexist husband with a very stereotypical wife from the 1950s, even slow dancing to some very old CDs that had been left behind by the flat's ex-tenants. Late into the night, while Hiro was showering, Shuichi curled up on 'his' side of Hiro's bed and promptly fell asleep, looking almost like a 1950s wife with velcro rollers in his short pink hair.

* * *

Eiri didn't suppose that Shuichi would be in the telephone directory under his name but, most likely, Hiro's. Not that he'd know if he was; there were about 15 Shindou S's in the directory. He supposed the only way to get his revenge was to go to Sato hospital and hope that Shindou worked on Thursdays. The more he thought about it, the better the idea sounded, so, at midday the following day, he drove to Sato hospital.

The reception was full, the first time he'd ever seen the psychiatry ward busy. He guessed fairly accurately that he had an earlier appointment because Sachiko knew that he would hate being surrounded by so many 'crazy people'. Shuichi was happily conversing with a long blond haired American with a funny accent and was offering a box of strawberry Pocky to a tired looking mother with a young child. Eiri wondered with detachment why Shuichi's hair was in ringlets. Seeing Shuichi like this, though, he had to admit to himself that Shuichi was pretty good at his job, even if he did approach it in a very different way to most receptionists.

When Eiri approached the desk, Shuichi fell silent mid-babble, causing the American to turn around and look curiously at whatever the receptionist was staring at. Shuichi looked hard at Eiri and then caught sight of his bruise, gasping quietly. He downcast his eyes and muttered "excuse me" to the American before beckoning Eiri to one side, out of the waiting patients' ear shot.

Being raised the way he was in his childhood, Shuichi had always put others before himself. His initial fear of seeing Yuki after the episode in the lift had been displaced by horror at the bruising on his face. The fear had drained completely, and Shuichi wouldn't have thought of the incident even if the subject arose. Immediately, he could see that the blue-black mark was the work of Hiro, and was saddened that his friend had lied to him. He should have noticed earlier that Hiro had returned with no shopping bags after his 'shopping trip' late the night before.

"Did Hiro do this to you?" He asked, reaching out with no hesitation to touch the large purple bruise marking Yuki's face. Eiri wanted to slap his hand away and hurt him but the concerned expression on Shuichi's face and the feather-light touch of his fingers on his jaw stirred something inside him. He looked down at Shuichi who was still staring at his bruise. Shuichi's lips parted and he made a small noise of sympathy. "I didn't mean for him to go looking for you. I told him not to. He never listens to me though." He said sadly. He took a deep breath. "I'm really sorry. Does it… hurt?"

"No," Yuki told him, his anger frighteningly dissipating more than a little. He hated that someone had managed to calm him by caring for him. He was smothered with others' worry constantly and all it succeeded in doing was irritating him more; so how was it that Shuichi's concern for his bruise had done the complete opposite? He looked away from Shindou and stared at the wall instead. He really didn't like the feelings the boy was stirring up inside him. He showed his concerns like Kitazawa. He was gentle like Kitazawa. He was too damn much like Kitazawa. Eiri caught the boy's wrist. "Stop it." He heard himself saying, and his voice was hard. The room suddenly seemed too small and he felt like he was suffocating. He pushed the boy's wrist roughly away from him and walked as quickly as he could back to the car to drive home.

Shuichi stared after him, feeling awful. When he had told Hiro about the lift incident, it was because he had been shaken and scared. He had dashed off home as soon as he had grabbed his things, explaining to Fujisaki that he had thrown up and was going home to rest. Hiro had been home – he never seemed to work and Shuichi often wondered how he hadn't been given the sack – and Shuichi had told him about how Yuki had cornered him in the lifts. Hiro had been livid, set on going to Yuki's house and ripping him apart, but Shuichi had begged him not to, grabbing onto his clothes when he tried to get up and sobbing uncontrollably. Hiro relented and promised not to. Shuichi wished now that he had insisted on going with him when he went out the night before.

* * *

Shuichi consulted the photocopied record in his hand and pushed his plastic supermarket bags further up his arms. He felt very guilty; using patient records for personal reasons was a serious breech of trust and could get him into a lot of trouble. He hadn't looked at any details (not even a peek!) other than Yuki's name and address. He was simply finding out where he lived, he could have easily looked in the telephone directory, Shuichi told himself. He was close to Yuki's house; a few streets later he was standing outside the apartment complex and was telling the porter that he was visiting Uesugi Eiri at apartment number 645. He was let into the lobby and showed to the lifts and after thanking the porter he was in, so easily and without being caught by the police!

In a few quick seconds the fancy looking lift had reached its destination and he was on the sixth floor. He walked past 41, 42, 43, 44 and then he stood anxiously outside number 45. He didn't feel very courageous, as he had felt as left work with the record Xeroxed. He pressed the doorbell and waited nervously, ruffling his hair self-consciously and pulling on the sleeves of his shirt. Yuki answered looking sleepy, his hair tousled. Shuichi smiled politely at him.

"Here, Yuki-san, I got you some wine and chocolates" he held out the plastic bags of gifts he had picked up from a convenience store by the hospital. "To say sorry for what Hiro did." When Yuki didn't take them he shoved the bags into his hands and smiled again, sheepishly. Eiri grunted quietly and turned around and walked back into the flat. Shuichi stood, staring a little gormlessly after him.

"If you're not coming in then close the door," Yuki called over his shoulder, "You're letting the hot air out." A happy smile spread over Shuichi's face and he bounded into the apartment, remembering to take his shoes off before stepping onto Yuki's expensive-looking carpeted floor. Yuki made his way to the kitchen to put away the wine and chocolates and made Shuichi tea. He didn't usually entertain, but since Shuichi had gone to all the trouble of coming over with gifts, he decided to at least give the kid a drink. Anyway, after his nap, he felt mellow.

Returning a few minutes later, he found that Shuichi had ventured off further into the house. Growling angrily, Eiri went searching for him. He found him in his study peering at his bookshelf. He smiled broadly at Yuki. "Did you write these?" He pointed at some books that clearly stated the Eiri Yuki was the author. Yuki nodded from the door and held out the mug of tea towards Shuichi, who took it happily, thanking him profusely. "You didn't have to; I hope it wasn't any trouble."

Eiri didn't know how to answer. He had never met anyone as cheerful as Shuichi. He had never made tea for anyone either. "Why are you here kid?" He asked, making his way back towards the living room, with Shuichi following closely at his heels like an over affectionate puppy.

"To say sorry for what Hiro did to you. You didn't really give me much of a chance at the hospital." Shuichi smiled again at Yuki. Eiri stared emotionlessly back. He wasn't angry with the brat anymore. He was just confused. Why wouldn't Shuichi leave him alone? Why did he feel he had to apologize to him? How could he be so forgiving after Yuki had scared him half to death?

Yuki took a seat on the plain black sofa in the middle of the living room and took a crumpled packet of Alpha Menthols from his pocket and put a cigarette between his lips. He pulled out a lighter and lit the smoke, taking a long pull as he did so. Shuichi watched him as he exhaled, following the trail of smoke as it curled and twisted on its upward path to the white ceiling where it bumped lightly before diffusing into the air. Shuichi took a seat on the sofa and sipped his tea as the older man smoked. The silence was quite companionable and Eiri was surprised at how relaxed he felt around Shindou.

"I like watching you smoke. My mum used to smoke," Shuichi told Yuki when he finished his cigarette. "My parents always used to argue about it before my dad left. She used to smoke just like you do, really slowly. She used to tell me and my sister that it was the best thing after a hard day at work." Eiri noticed again how the brat's facial features mirrored exactly how he felt on the inside. Eiri could definitely relate to the emotions Shuichi was showing clearly on his face. His broad smile had been replaced by a tight one, and his eyes had grown distant but guarded. That was the look of a person who didn't like to think of his past.

"I hardly ever see her anymore. She's too sick." He was speaking more to himself now, his eyes were blank. After a while he jumped a little and his wide smile returned. "This tea is delicious! Is it herbal? Hiro hates herbal tea. He says it's for chicks and he won't let me buy any." He pouted cutely and then looked at the clock on the wall. "Well, I'd better go. Hiro'll get worried if I'm late. I'm making dinner today." He stood up and walked towards the door. Eiri got up and followed him to the door, acting like a good host.

At the door Shuichi hugged Yuki around the middle tentatively and released him quickly. Since Yuki seemed to be in such a complaisant mood, he had decided to risk it. Seeing Yuki in his own environment, he found he could empathize with the older man; he had so few possessions in his blandly decorated apartment, as if he didn't want to form attachments with anything or anyone, with possessions or people. Shuichi smiled pleasantly at Yuki.

"Thank you so much for the tea. It really was delicious – please excuse me if I mmph!" Eiri covered Shuichi's lips once again with his, though more gently this time. Shuichi's stomach lurched and he started to resist. But… then he found he wasn't afraid, as he had been in the lift. Yuki hadn't been scary today, and Shuichi had enjoyed being with him. Shuichi would even go as far as to say that he had seen that Yuki was apologetic for scaring him before. He found himself responding shyly. He felt his lips part and he moved closer to Yuki, pressing his entire surface area against his body, his eyes closing in bliss. His hands closed around Yuki's shirt, bunching up the material in his fists.

Yuki didn't know why he was kissing Shuichi. It scared him, and he pulled away roughly. A moan of disappointment escaped Shuichi's lips before he could stop it and his eyes fluttered open in confusion. He saw Yuki's expression and prepared himself to get hurt. It was unreasonable though, what was Yuki to him? A friend? Or… a boyfriend? No, neither. Yuki started to close the door, but Shuichi's foot moved on its own accord to the doorway.

"Ow!" He yelped as Yuki slammed the door on his sneaker-ed foot. "Yukiii! Don't kick me out!" he pleaded, eyes filling with tears from the pain in his foot and from being pushed away. He tried to slam his weight against the door to open it but Yuki easily kept the door in place, and his foot was beginning to throb in pain. "Please Yuki! You can't keep doing this to me!" He barely knew what he was saying – the pain in his foot was making him see stars.

"Why won't you leave me alone?" Yuki yelled, still pushing the door into Shuichi's foot, ignoring the cries of pain from outside. He hoped that his neighbours couldn't hear. _Get away from me Kitazawa_. _Can't you see what you're doing to me? _

"Yukiii!" As Shuichi's determination clung to Yuki, Shuichi's mind told him that he didn't want to lose Yuki. Over the past few weeks, Yuki had been on his mind constantly. At the hospital, he had seen something in Yuki that he recognized. Seeing Yuki at home only confirmed that they were kindred souls: he could see that Yuki was just as scared of life as he was. The tea, the minimal decoration, the lack of any personal items – Yuki was fighting his demons alone. "Yuki, open the door. Please. I just want to help you."

Yuki wrenched the door open furiously. "How the hell can you help me kid? You don't know -" Shuichi threw his arms around Yuki and hugged him tightly, holding his hurt foot off the ground. Eiri was taken aback. He'd expected the kid to be scared; angry at most. He finally released him and raised his tear-streaked face.

"Yuki… I _want_ to know you. I want to help you." He smiled winningly at Yuki and then wiped his nose disgustingly on his sleeve, somewhat ruining the unfamiliar atmosphere that had fallen around Eiri. How many times had people told him they wanted to help him? Countless – Tohma, Mika, his psychiatrist and women who wanted something serious with him. How many times had people told him they wanted to know him? Not many – they normally knew about his past or didn't and left it at that. Shuichi didn't know about his past, but Shuichi _did_ know that he had problems, so he fell into neither of the two latter categories. Shuichi didn't fall into the family or women-who-wanted-something-serious category either. Maybe he was what Yuki needed.

* * *

**This chapter didn't go as smoothly as I hoped, so all criticisms are well received and changes will be made as soon as possible.**

**Ooh… I just realized that Yuki is actually taller than Hiro… oops…**

Replies to reviews for chapter 4: (I guess I've had enough now to do these! 3)

**Moon71: **Thank you so much for your review – I take all criticism very seriously p (as you can see ;) I'm glad that you like my writing too, you won't believe how happy that made me!! As for grammar, I blame that on beta-ing my own work and relying on MS Word's spelling and grammar check. Anyway, I made some changes to this chapter after you pointed out the faults in my writing, and, erm, I hope you like it!

**Patpat: **Merci beaucoup for your review! Of course you can translate my story into French, I'm honored that you like it so much! And, err… please keep reviewing!

**Gravichick: **I know its wrong, but you need to remember that Yuki's got a funny mind – he's in psychiatry for a reason. Hopefully this chapter will show him in a not-so-wrong light (or erm…just as wrong as before I guess). I'm glad you like it though D

**Mika-san: **Thanks, I'm glad you like it!

**Rynn: **I hate making Yuki mean! He's a good guy really 3 Thanks for reviewing!

**Mystyc.Star**: Thank you for your review! The lift scene was loosely based on the one in the real Gravitation, but I don't want to copy that storyline, because my fic wouldn't feel like my own. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

**And a huge thank you to anybody else who reviewed, I'm so grateful!**

Revised on 28th January 2008. Thank you blaqksilence (hearts)


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Regression

Chapter: 6

Disclaimer: I do not own Shuichi or Yuki or Hiro…I do, however own nobody.

Summary: AU When Yuki's sessions with his psychiatrist increase, he hates it. Can a certain pink haired receptionist change his mind?

* * *

Shuichi limped heavily as he walked around the apartment the following evening. He'd inspected his foot in the shower the night before and decided to wear socks in the house until the green and mauve contusion cleared up. He would be able to hide his limp from Hiro while he was at work but when he got back home he was sure his best friend would notice; and applying his full weight to his foot was out of the question. He hated lying to Hiro, but he made up an excuse to use if Hiro questioned his hobbling anyway. It was not the right time to tell Hiro he liked the guy who'd pretty much sexually assaulted him only a few days ago.

"What do you want for dinner, Hiro-chaaan?" Shuichi sung happily from the kitchen. He was trying his best to help around the house to thank Hiro for looking after him, even if it wasn't in the way he wanted to be helped. Hiro looked up from where he was sitting, tuning his guitar on the moth eaten second-hand couch that had been left behind by the flat's ex-tenants.

"What've we got?" He asked, twisting the pegs on his guitar and plucking a string experimentally. Shuichi perused the cupboards.

"We've got pasta, ramen but that expired a few years ago – I don't think it's ours – flour, bread, butter in the fridge, Pocky - a packet of beef stock cubes?" he wrinkled his nose. "Herbs, two eggs – god knows when we got those – and cereal." He wrinkled his nose again at the pitiful variety of food. He wanted to make something nice for Hiro. "We haven't got any real food!" he exclaimed melodramatically. "I know, how about I go to the shop and buy some things? You tell me what you want and I'll buy it." He smiled sweetly at Hiro.

"It's getting dark out. I'll go."

"Noooo! Hiiiiiroooo! You _can't_ go out! I wanted to make a meal for you. If _you_ went it'd be like you made it!" He whined at Hiro until Hiro relented. "I'll go to the shop on the main road, worry guts. I'll use well-lit streets, not talk to strangers and not take any short cuts. Anyway, it's only eight o'clock. What weirdo is going grocery shopping at eight?"

Hiro rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Hurry back then darling!" He laughed, reminded of their game.

Shuichi pulled on his orange hoodie but risked staying in his shorts. It was mid autumn, but the weather was still quite mild. He waved goodbye to Hiro and went off on his way.

His neighborhood wasn't the classiest of places, but the streets surrounding the flats were quite pretty at dusk. By eight o'clock everybody had either gone out or gone home, leaving the streets deserted and tranquil. Shuichi walked slowly, humming a new Nittle Grasper song to himself. He couldn't believe that Yuki had (sort of) accepted him. He had let him stay for a little while before sending him off on his way, even asking if he'd like a lift because of his foot. Shuichi had declined, opting to walk whenever he could and not wanting to put Yuki to any trouble. Yuki lived a good half-hour away from him, but the walk had been nice.

The main shopping street was three streets away from the flats and ten minutes later he was picking items off the shelves to cook Hiro's favourite dish. He also bought some milk for the cereal, ramen to replace the antique one in the cupboard and some more eggs. He wasn't sure whether he should trust the box at home – once he had eaten a cut of chicken from a plastic container and had been stuck vomiting in the bathroom with food poisoning for two weeks. Hiro had told him later that the chicken was about five weeks old, from when his parents had come to visit him and they'd ordered Chinese food. At the counter he bought some cigarettes to make Hiro happy, and more Pocky as an afterthought.

He walked back at a leisurely pace, laden with more carrier bags than he should carry. His good mood had given him some extra strength and he limped on easily enjoying his walk home as much as he had enjoyed his walk to the shop. At the third street he saw a group of boys standing at the intersection of the road he was on and the one he had to take to get home. He wasn't too worried - there were kids like that around his block of flats and they generally looked tougher than they were. He walked past them at the same pace and then winced as they started calling after him. He was filled with mild panic, his normal reaction to a bad situation.

"Hey faggot, d'you want some ass?" One of them shouted drunkenly.

Shuichi blushed a little and ducked his head, ignoring them. He heard footsteps behind him and he cursed. _Please don't talk to me. Please don't talk to me. Please don't – _A hand squeezed his shoulder tightly, hurting him. He made a small noise of discomfort. "Didn't you hear me faggot-chan? I asked you a question. Do. You. Want. Some. Ass?" Shuichi's heart began to race and he started shaking in fear. He didn't want to look so weak but with an injured foot and with shopping bags up to his elbows, there was very little he could do to defend himself or run away.

"Tachi! Leave him alone! He's shakin' look at him." A blond friend of 'Tachi' called out from the corner of the adjoining streets. Shuichi prayed that he would be left alone.

"Ma-kun, _you_ look at him. He looks like fun. You got a boyfriend faggot-chan?" His voice was taunting and Shuichi's eyes pricked. Tachi laughed at him and gave him a shove so that he stumbled. This made him laugh even more. "Don't you speak faggot-chan? You ain't said a word."

"Tachi, leave him. He's not worth it. I seen him with his boyfriend. The long haired guy from the estate." Another blond was reasoning with his dark haired friend. Shuichi heard the irritation in his voice and allowed himself to hope that Taki's friend would rescue him.

"Nobody's got to know anything," Tachi said to Shuichi in what he probably regarded as an alluring tone. He paid no heed to his friend and so was clearly (to Shuichi, anyway) the ring leader of the group. "Nobody's gonna get into trouble if nobody finds out. You gonna tell anyone faggot-chan?" Shuichi felt sick. He could smell the alcohol on his assaulter's breath and it stung his eyes. Tears blurred his vision. He shivered uncontrollably barely able to stay standing. He wished that he had just stayed home, cooked some pasta, eaten cereal with no milk. Heck, he would have even chanced the eggs - what the hell was going to happen to him? Tachi slid an arm around Shuichi's shoulders and brought his lips to the side of his face. "Are you going to be a good faggot for Taki?" He mumbled, just for him to hear. Shuichi's skin crawled, every inch of him repelling the man next to him.

His mind raced. He'd only been gone for half an hour. Hiro wouldn't get worried until at least an hour. He'd be long gone by then, there was no way he'd be able to stall Taki for that long. He wouldn't be able run either, not with his foot the way it was. He did the best he could. "Please, I have money and there's some beer and a packet of cigarettes in one of the bags. Just let me go, please." He hated himself for being weak, and for having to beg. Hiro would never have this kind of problem.

Ma-kun and another boy joined Taki at the mention of money and alcohol, more interested in receiving goods than accosting easy targets. "Take the money and booze Tachi. Leave the kid; you'll get him some other day. Give us your money then kid." Shuichi handed the other blond his supermarket bags and fumbled in his short pockets for his wallet. Taki wolf-whistled. "Jeez, look at those legs. He's _just_ like a chick." Shuichi tried to ignore him and handed Ma-kun his wallet. Ma-kun opened it. "Shit, he's loaded. Come on Tachi, Ken-chan. We can get fuck loads with this."

Shuichi was pushed away roughly and he hobbled as quickly as he could back to Hiro's, tears streaming down his face. He lost his food and his money, everything he'd earned over the past month. And he'd have to bother Hiro again. He'd even lost his house key – it'd been tucked inside the wallet. They'd have to change the locks and the communal door code, which was also scrawled on a piece of paper in his wallet. He was such an inconvenience to everybody.

He pressed the buzzer on the door and prayed that Hiro would answer. He leaned shakily against the door, trying to control the flow of tears still trickling down his face. When Hiro didn't answer he pressed it over and over, hoping that Hiro would not ignore the buzzer if it kept sounding, implying urgency. He did ignore it. Shuichi then pressed the buzzer for his neighbour, who answered quickly but bad-temperedly because of how late it was getting.

"I'm so sorry for bothering you, but I've lost the code. Could you let me in?" The woman let him in after an angry lecture over the intercom, and by the time Shuichi got through the door he was shaking even more violently, fearing that Taki would come looking for him. He limped tiredly up the stairs and knocked on the door. Eventually Hiro answered. His hair was in a loose braid and it was clear to Shuichi that Hiro had been sleeping. Shuichi apologized in a small voice for waking him. Hiro rubbed the sleep from his eyes and took in Shuichi's state properly.

"What happened? Where are the bags?" He asked, fearing the worst, and obviously not really concerned about the shopping bags.

"I had to give them to these boys so they would let me go. With my wallet." He broke out into fresh tears again. "They said they were coming back for me. And one of them wouldn't leave me alone. He kept shouting after me Hiro, and he was saying all this… stuff! He knows where we live too now, I left my key in the wallet- what am I going to do?" He tried to swallow his sobs unsuccessfully.

Hiro's eyes narrowed and darkened. "Where are they?" He growled out, wanting to go out and kill the people that had scared his friend.

"Long gone; they ran off with my money. Just leave it, would you Hiroshi?" Shuichi stopped sniffling and his voice turned cold; he only used his friend's full name when he was angry with him. Hiro guessed accurately that somehow he had found out about his late night trip to visit Yuki Eiri. "I'm going to sleep." He went off to his bed and lay with his back to Hiro. Hiro watched his friend for a minute, and then resigned himself to cooking dinner instead of trying to get around his angry friend. He cooked the pasta and fried the two eggs (making sure they weren't rotten first) and left a plate next to Shuichi's bed as a peace offering. A few minutes later Shuichi sat up and took the plate, picking half-heartedly at the food.

It wasn't fair for him to be mad at Hiro; he was just trying to be a good friend in his own way. "Sorry Hiro, I didn't mean to snap. I shouldn't have gone out, you were right." He hung his head in shame for a few seconds to show that his apology was genuine, and then raised it again, smiling. He wouldn't worry Hiro anymore, he promised resolutely, ignoring the fact that he had made and broken this promise countless times before. His grin widened when Hiro returned his smile.

Shuichi's dependence worried Hiro, as it was inevitable that one day he and Shuichi would have to separate and pursue their own lives. He wasn't sure that Shuichi would be able to cope without someone to look after him. Hiro smiled back at his friend, accepting his apology; and when Shuichi's small smile widened into a great big grin, a cold hand closed around Hiro's heart. How could he ever leave Shuichi to fend for himself?

* * *

"Aniki!" Tatsuha called as he stepped into Eiri's apartment. He could hardly believe his luck. For his sixteenth birthday his brother-in-law had given him Nittle Grasper tickets with backstage passes and his brother had let him stay with him. Unfortunately, due to the rarity of him getting a present he actually wanted for his birthday, he had been left feeling doubtful and suspicious of everything, searching for a loophole in his fortunes. Getting no reply from his brother was scaring him. "Aniki! I've got a girl over and we're borrowing your car. I'm stealing some booze too!" He tried again and waited expectantly.

"Touch my car and I'll cut your cock off." Eiri growled, coming into the living room to make sure that Tatsuha wasn't really about to steal his car.

"Violent today aniki. It makes a change from being drunk or just moping around…or not in, I suppose." Tatsuha was cheered now that he had confirmed that Mika had not been lying to him when she had said that Eiri had given her his blessing to let him stay for a while.

Eiri grunted, not giving his brother any rope. An argument between them could last days, and he couldn't be bothered to play mind games or make up witty insults for the idiot. "I'm working. There's beer in the fridge, your DVD is still in the DVD player, don't bother me."

"Got it." He would get him another time, no problem. Today Eiri would lower his guard…

The brothers each went their respective ways; Eiri to his laptop, Tatsuha to the fridge and then the TV. Tatsuha turned on the TV and snapped open his can of Budweiser. He loved life at his brother's house. He could go out whenever he pleased, he could drink whatever he pleased and there were no monk duties. The only downside was the constant phone calls and visits from Mika and Tohma, something he didn't miss in Kyoto. Sometimes it'd be almost like old times, before Eiri went to America.

He started watching his Nittle Grasper DVD for what was about the millionth time. He could never get enough of Sakuma Ryuichi, his god. Tohma sometimes mentioned his band mates, and Tatsuha always clung on to every story about Ryuichi, from his constant mood switches to his Kumagoro beam. He had always wanted to meet Ryuichi, and in a few days he was going to see him at long last.

* * *

**Introducing…Tatsuha and ASK! We'll have the whole Gravitation cast before you know it!**

**Replies to reviews**

**v.c.musette: **I'm really glad you like my story. It's good to have someone who reviews regularly and it really makes me happy to read your reviews and know your enjoying it. I was so worried about my first Gravitation fic, but everyone's fantastic reviews have really boosted my confidence D

**Moon71**: Wah! I was so intimidated by your Gravitation fic – how do you write like that? You're so amazingly talented! From your last review, I know what you mean about bad writers on FF dot net and I really don't want to be one of them, that's why I might seriously over react about stuff like that. Phew, I feel so lucky to have such a talented writer reading my story though; I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**snowwhite444**: You're in love with my story? Yay! Lol – I'm glad!

**gravichick:** I know he deserved it – stupid bastard. I love him really though 3 I hope you liked this chapter – Yuki's being a complete prick, but it's to Tatsuha right, so it doesn't really count, does it?

**Patpat:** Thank you for your review! I'm still over the moon about you wanting to translate my story – it makes me feel like such a good writer! This chapter was a bit of an introductory one, but I hope it was worth the wait!

**Sana-chan9: **Thank you for your review! It really made me happy when I checked my emails today and saw a review alert from a new person! I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as it sounds like you enjoyed the rest of the story!

P.S. While I was writing these reviews, I couldn't believe how many times I used an exclamation mark. Count them and see!

Thank you to everybody who read my story – seeing my stats makes me just as happy as reviews!

Revised on: 22nd February 2008 – hugs to blaqksilence


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Regression

Chapter: 7

Disclaimer: I have just realized that I own Sachiko – but no one else.

Summary: AU When Yuki's sessions with his psychiatrist increase, he hates it. Can a certain pink haired receptionist change his mind?

**I'm very nervous about posting this chapter (takes a deep breath) I hope you're not too disappointed…**

* * *

All day at Sato Hospital Shuichi watched the clock. He spoke with his favorite patient K (apart from Yuki, of course) - a gun-obsessed American with an anger management problem. He had chatted with Fujisaki. He had even gotten through all of his daily tasks for the first time without having to rush. He couldn't wait to see Yuki again. Maybe even kiss Yuki again. Just the thought of the novelist's lips pressed firmly against his turned his legs to jelly and sent a heat up to his face. He couldn't believe how long it took until the clock read six o'clock so he could leave. For the last half-hour he had chatted over the phone to Hiro's mum, rambling on about nothing in particular after thanking her for the present she had given him a few months previously. 

He could hardly believe his eyes when the large hand on the clock hit twelve and the small hand hit six. He said a hasty goodbye to Hiro's mother claiming that there was an emergency, grabbed his things and half ran half limped to the exit of the hospital, ignoring the many calls of 'goodbye' from the friends he had made over his time as a receptionist in the psychiatry ward.

He decided on taking the bus to Yuki's house, as it was quite a long way to limp, or even walk for that matter. The bus was packed but a mother shifted her kid onto her lap to make room for Shuichi when she saw his limp. He thanked her profusely and they started up a conversation. She asked about his work (seeing his uniform) and he asked her about her kid (an adorable little girl of about four). She told him about her marriage counseling and asked whether it was in his area of work. When she went to get off the bus she slipped him her phone number, and he felt very embarrassed. As soon as she got of he scrunched it up and threw it in the ticket bin on the bus.

After a short walk from the bus stop to Yuki's apartment he reached the porter, who recognized him because of his hair and struck up a quick conversation with him as he took him to the lifts again. Shuichi was beginning to wonder why he attracted so many friends – he wasn't complaining but sometimes it could be a bit much, and he could attract the wrong people, like Taki and the woman on the bus.

He rang the doorbell for Yuki's house and waited patiently, remembering the events that had taken part two days prior. He looked forlornly at his bulky sneaker – he wore two pairs of thick socks to keep the sneaker from pressing down on the ugly purple marking. He looked up again quickly when he heard the click of the door as it opened. He squeaked – what had Yuki done to himself?

"You dyed your hair!" He squeaked in shock.

"No, but you've dyed yours," black-haired Yuki replied, before laughing at his own joke. "You're looking for Eiri, I'll get him for you – ANIKI!" he hollered over his shoulder, and then he turned back to grin at Shuichi. "Hey, are you Shuichi?"

"Erm…yes…" Shuichi replied uncertainly.

"Ah, aniki's told me about you. He says you like Nittle Grasper." The man squinted at Shuichi. "You kinda look like Ryuichi-sama. Sakuma Ryuichi – from Nittle Grasper."

"Well, erm, thank you." Shuichi blushed, feeling very flattered. "I love Nittle Grasper! I got my hair cut like Sakuma-san's too!" His bubbly conversational side took over. "I've loved them since forever. Sometimes my best friend Hiro plays their songs on his guitar and I always sing along 'cos I know all the words. My sister used to call me stupid whenever I spent all my money on their CDs and videos when I was younger. I had to sell my stuff though when I moved, though, because I had to help Hiro out – I'm living with him – and we don't have a TV so I won't be able to see their concert live, but Maiko promised to tape it for me so I can watch it when I visit her at my auntie's house." He took a deep breath, his face flushed with the excitement of talking about his favourite singer. Tatsuha stared at him incredulously. This guy loved Nittle Grasper almost as much as he did. How had his brother met someone like this?

"Hey, Shuichi, guess what? I've got tickets to Nittle Grasper's gig next Tuesday." Shuichi's eyes widened with awe. He was willing to trade his soul for a ticket. "How about you and Hiro come? I've got two extra tickets with backstage passes. How about it?"

Shuichi's eyes filled with tears. How could this man, whom he'd known for less than five minutes and didn't even know the name of, be willing to take him and Hiro to see Nittle Grasper, with backstage passes? This Yuki look-alike was like the perfect Yuki – was he the perfect twin? Just like in cartoons, with a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other? He clasped the angel's hands and nodded his head, unable to get the right words out.

"What the hell are you doing, you moron?" The devil asked. Shuichi rubbed his eyes comically, staring from the angel to the devil. He decided that he would have to find a religion – now he knew that supreme good and supreme evil did exist. He watched detachedly as the devil hit the angel over the head with a hardback dictionary. Hard. The angel started cursing as he held his head and Shuichi's angel/devil theory was proved wrong – there was no way an angel would say 'you mother-fucking cunt, I hope your fucking balls fall off'.

"Why are there two Yukis?" He asked so stupidly that the two men stopped bickering to stare strangely at him.

"Baka. You really are as stupid as you look." Eiri rolled his eyes. "This waste of flesh is my stupid punk of a brother, Tatsuha." Eiri explained shortly, feeling a headache coming on already. He didn't think he could handle the stupidity of both his sixteen-year-old brother and the mental-age-of-five-year-old Shuichi. His apartment felt a bit like a crèche already.

Shuichi blinked first at Yuki, and then at Tatsuha, processing the information. "YUUKII!" He crooned unexpectedly and latched himself to Yuki's waist. Tatsuha watched on, conclusions forming in his brain. His brother would never let a man hug him. His brother would never have a friend. So therefore… his brother was gay? This was…his lover? His jaw dropped – he'd just invited his brother's 'friend' to go with him to the Nittle Grasper gig. _Oh boy, he could get lucky by pretending to be Eiri and tricking him into cosplaying Ryuichi, _he thought gleefullyHe decided to skedaddle before he said anything inappropriate and got another walloping.

"I'm going out," Tatsuha told Eiri, winking at Shuichi. "You two can have some alone time. I'll be back tomorrow; Mika wanted me to see her. It was nice to meet you, Shuichi." He walked with a swagger down the corridor, turning around to wink at Shuichi again.

"I like your brother." Shuichi said, still clinging onto Yuki as he watched Tatsuha walk down the corridor to the elevators. "He seems nice. He invited me and Hiro to-" he gasped and covered his mouth with his hands. "I'm so sorry; I forgot that Hiro hit you. Don't worry; we'll meet Tatsuha somewhere else so you won't have to see him."

"You really make no effort to hide your gayness, do you?" Eiri asked bluntly.

"Eh?" Shuichi asked dazedly, blinking up at him again. "_Yuukii_! I missed you so much! Work is so boring when you're not there to be horrible to me." He smiled without a trace of sarcasm, hugging Yuki again happily. He looked down, shy all of a sudden. "Aren't you happy to see me?"

"Not particularly." This was true, he hated seeing Shuichi most of the time – when he was acting like this it irked him; nobody could be this stupid in real life, right? And when Shuichi was angry or hurt… he felt equally annoyed, because he felt just the tiniest bit of guilt for bringing down the happy kid just because his own life was a miserable, repetitive circle.

"You're so mean!" Shuichi whined, pouting. And then his brow furrowed. "Are we going to stand out here all night or are you going to invite me in?" His mood switched constantly and Eiri found it hard to keep up. He was about to have his own mood swing when he felt a small hand clasp his and tug him gently into his apartment. The gesture induced another tug, this time at his heart. He was beginning to feel claustrophobic again. "What's the matter Yuki?" Shuichi asked when Yuki stopped and did not respond to Shuichi's tugs. As soon as his hand was released it moved of its own accord to his head. "Do you have a headache? I'll go get you an aspirin. They're over there right? There're loads of pills there."

Without waiting for an answer he wobbled clumsily across the room to the kitchen. He read label after label: Helidac, Cipramil, Paracetamol, Alka Seltzer, Soneryl, antihistamine and finally Aspirin. He looked through a couple of cupboards before locating the glasses and filling one up with water from the tap. When he returned to the living room Yuki had moved to sit down on the couch and was smoking a slightly bent cigarette. Shuichi pressed two pills into his free hand and set the glass on his coffee table; and then sat next to him, leaning lightly against him and resting his head on his shoulder. He closed his eyes, enjoying the silence that he never had at Hiro's flat.

From his position he could feel every one of Yuki's moves, from the aspirin and water falling down his throat into his stomach to the usually unnoticeable twitches all humans made. He really liked Yuki. Being with him was the greatest felling in the world – he felt excited and terrified and giddy all at once. He wanted to kiss him again. He moved and rounded his mouth against Yuki's neck, enjoying the flurry of butterflies that flew up to his ribcage from his pit of his stomach at his own boldness.

Yuki was glad of Shuichi's transformation from stupid babbling to quiet and calm, and was honestly surprised when Shuichi's warm mouth came to be on his neck. Shuichi had never struck him as assertive, acting much too innocently and naively to be so bold in his actions.

Shuichi had never spared any thought to 'love' before. Not even the form of love between him and relatives and friends. He knew that his mother had loved him. He knew that his sister still loved him. He knew that Hiro would always love him and that was that and nothing more; in terms of crushes and relationships, he had never experienced either or even wondered about it. As a teen he hadn't had the time to start or maintain any romantic relationships, preferring to keep the people he already had close and all others well away from him. _I love you. _He mouthed the words against Yuki's neck, testing how the words felt in this new context.

Yuki misunderstood the motion. He stubbed out his cigarette and turned to face Shuichi, lifting his hands up to hold his face briefly before kissing him roughly, almost painfully. The kiss lasted mere seconds but Shuichi was gasping when he pulled away. "Do you want me?" Eiri asked, sounding just a little breathless - a trap that Shuichi was fated to fall into.

"Yes…" Shuichi breathed, naively. He would have said more but Yuki's mouth was upon his in an instant. Shuichi's definition of want was love and a bond. Yuki's was sex, and Shuichi had just consented.

Yuki pushed Shuichi onto his back, leaning over him to claim his lips once again. He ran his tongue forcefully along Shuichi's bottom lip and Shuichi's lips parted immediately, allowing his tongue entrance. Yuki's tongue ran over his teeth, tongue and lips, and every now and again Yuki would drag his teeth lightly along or nip Shuichi's bottom lip, something that made the receptionist shudder with pleasure. Shuichi tried inexpertly to reciprocate the actions and was rewarded with Yuki's fingers tangling themselves up in his hair and his head being jerked up to smash their lips together with more intensity.

It started going wrong when Shuichi felt Yuki's hand move to the waistband of his trousers. He pushed against Yuki's chest and tried to kick him away, but Yuki grabbed onto his hands and pinned them above his head. "Don't pretend you don't want this." Yuki grunted; his voice gruff from the effort of keeping Shuichi still. He was pulling at Shuichi's trousers now, having undone the button and zipper. Shuichi shook his head frantically, squeezing his eyes shut just as he had in the lift. He didn't want this; why was Yuki doing this?

Eiri succeeded in pulling Shuichi's trousers down to his knees and held him still with some difficulty as Shuichi struggled to get free. Eiri thought fleetingly about how thankful he was that Shuichi's fear of what was presumably first time sex had taken away his voice. Despite the high rent he paid to live in the apartment the walls were not very thick and they neighbors would surely hear Shuichi if he yelled loud enough. Eiri lay over Shuichi to keep him from running as he quickly fumbled with own zipper. Shuichi strained to see what he was doing and whimpered when he realized that this time, he really was going to get raped.

"Don't look so scared, Shuichi." He pronounced every syllable in Shuichi's name. "It always hurts the first time." He said this bitterly, half of him pretending that he was talking to Kitazawa. It would make it easier that way.

* * *

"I told you it always hurts the first time," Yuki told him in a conversational tone, as Shuichi lay still on the sofa, still digging his nails into the upholstery. He was too scared to move, afraid that he'd be in even more pain. Shuichi watched through his tear-blurred vision as Yuki pulled on his shirt (Shuichi couldn't remember when it had come off, but then again, the only thing he'd been focusing on was the excruciating pain in his ass). 

"What do you know about it, you…rape prowess(1)!" Shuichi grumbled tearfully, carefully loosening his grip, as if he was scared that even that would hurt him. His body felt as though it had been forced apart into halves. Strangely though, he didn't hate or dislike Yuki, nor did he consider it as rape. It was just what it was…first time sex. And Yuki seemed much friendlier now, as opposed to his silence earlier and his anger the other times.

Shuichi smiled to himself, and then grimaced. He was very aware now of something sticky on his stomach – ok, so maybe the pain in his ass wasn't the only thing he was focusing on. He braved the question he had wanted to ask for a little while now. "Yuki… do you think you could drive me home after I've showered?" He let out an embarrassed laugh. "I'm not sure I can walk all the way back."

* * *

**THIS CHAPTER IS DEFINITELY GOING TO BE REVISED AT A LATER DATE. I had very little inspiration when writing this chapter and will definitely redo it once the fic is complete. I'm very sorry if I disappointed you.**

**(1) **This doesn't actually make sense but it was Shuichi's actual insult from Gravitation when he has sex with Eiri for the first time.

**To make up for it, here are some replies to reviews…**

**Patpat **– I'm insulted (Kidding!) that you would think that I would fall back on the usual rape thing - I hate unoriginal stories as much as the next person. I have something else in store for Shuichi from ASK! I'll bet this chapter made up for no ShuichixYuki in chapter 6, right? Things sure did progress quickly with them in the manga, to which some parts of this fic are veeeeeerrrrry loosely based (that'll explain why only three chapters ago there was conflict and now there's sex hopefully). You were the first one to review this chapter, so congratulations are in order. Thank you so much too, I love how positive all your reviews are.

**v.c.musette** – It's kind of ironic how in your review for chapter 6 you said that I didn't rush things and now here I am, clearly rushing Shuichi's first time. Lol. I hope you enjoyed this chapter though, and weren't disappointed by the pathetic excuse for a lime and the lack of a lemon.

**Carrie** – Thank you for such a positive review! I felt so honored to have my fic classed as comparable to the 'old big writing talents' – I feel all giddy inside, Lol.

**Sana-chan9** – I hope you enjoyed this chapter too, and weren't (too) disappointed!

**gravichick – **That line is something I've always wanted to say, I had to put it in there! I agree with you, Taki should burn in hell, but he's such a valuable bad guy to have. He'll be back in a few chapters to torment Shuichi (and readers) some more! Aren't I lovely?

**Lacuna Miyamoto** – I don't want him to be a bastard! I'm convinced he's a good guy. In Gravitation EX he still acts really bitchy, but he does some of the sweetest things. I promise you, he will be seen in a more positive light! Oh yeah, and thank you for your review, I still get really happy when people review with things like 'I love your fic' or 'I love your writing' – your review was another one that made my day!

Revised on: 22nd February 2008. Huge thank you to my beta blaqksilence! Kisses.


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Regression

Chapter: 8

Disclaimer: This story is just my creativeness using Murakami-sensei's characters to promote it… (Huh?)

Summary: AU When Yuki's sessions with his psychiatrist increase, he hates it. Can a certain pink haired receptionist change his mind?

* * *

Eiri had driven Shuichi home, the first time he'd ever done that for a lover. He told himself that it was only because he couldn't walk very well. He denied that it might have been because he was just the tiniest bit worried after Shuichi had told him about Taki. He also denied that he wanted to hurt this Taki for preying on someone as innocent as Shuichi.

Another thing that he kept locked away in a far corner of his mind was that he'd liked having sex with Shuichi. When he screwed his many other lovers it could feel like many things: relief, a chore, an escape. He'd even tried to be gentle this time. It was also one of the rare times where he'd put somebody else's wants before his own since Kitazawa's death.

As he drove back from Hiro's flat back to his own home, he thought of Kitazawa. It had started raining sometime while he was 'raping' Shuichi and hadn't let up since. He had his windscreen wipers on at full force and was still having a hard time seeing anything but red taillights in front of him and headlights rushing past him. It had been raining when he'd killed Kitazawa too. Pathetic fallacy. His life was like a just like a novel that high school kids would have to write an essay on for their exams – disinterested parents, a bullied and angry child, a hopeful trip to America, a rape, a murder, the return home and now this nothingness to build suspense before the finale. That was the only thing missing – the happy ending.

"_As my eldest son, he will have to carry on the tradition in this family. He was born for that purpose." Eiri's father was talking to his mother and he was eavesdropping at the door that his father hadn't closed properly, trying his hardest to understand what they were talking about. At ten, he knew when his parents were having a private conversation from their serious faces and their low voices. They were talking about him, he knew; Tatsuha was only two._

_He was born for that purpose… _

_He thought over those words, not fully grasping what they meant. He had known for a young age that his father wanted him to carry on the family tradition but something in that phrase bothered him. He didn't understand until his mother died. _

He wondered what his life would be like if his mother hadn't died. Would he have gone to America? Would he be married? Have children? Would he be a novelist or a monk like his father had wanted him to be? Would he have ever met Kitazawa, fallen in love with him? He had asked these questions to himself countless times, but today he added a new one. _Would he have ever met Shuichi? _

Whether he wanted to accept it or not, Shuichi had somehow wormed his way into his life. The receptionist was on his mind more often than not and any feelings he had towards him were strong, stronger than feelings he held for other people, anyway, for whom he held only (normally) mild irritation. He sensed sometimes that there could be empathy between them: Shuichi seemed to know of loss, he had the look of somebody who had missed out on childhood; he acted just how Eiri had in America around Kitazawa.

_A few days later, his mother died. She had been cooking dinner for him and Mika while they were at school and had had a heart attack. It was their father that found her dead on the kitchen floor when he had smelt the food burning and had gone into the kitchen to complain. Eiri and Mika had come home to see her body being wheeled out on a stretcher, covered in a dark blanket. Mika burst into tears, but Eiri only stood still and watched as his father got into the ambulance and left him and Mika to look after Tatsuha without a word of comfort or a promise of a return. _

Eiri never believed that the death of his mother had had much of an impact on him. His mother hadn't ever paid much attention to him, Tatsuha or Mika, preferring to live as a good wife should and live only for her husband. Her children were only extras she was obliged to look after, not love. He got away with much more, and as a result, fought a lot more with those who made comments about his hair or eye colour. He didn't help Mika at all; he left her to cook, clean and baby sit Tatsuha the whole time while he did nothing, playing the angry grieving child card.

At 13, he began drinking and smoking, getting his alcohol and cigarettes by stealing from teachers and his father's alcohol cabinet that he denied having. He lost his virginity at 14 to a prostitute and began getting into more fights for stupid reasons: a look, a whisper, or even a mention of his name. And then Mika made friends with Tohma.

Tohma, in many ways, had saved him. He'd saved him from becoming a monk. He'd saved him from becoming a criminal. He saved him from himself. He could argue that his father still wanted him to become a monk, that he was a murderer and that he was still leading the same lifestyle, but he knew that none of those things were Tohma's fault.

"_And who is that?" He asked his sister, sneering at the stupid looking blond smiling at him. _

"_This is my friend Tohma. He wanted to ask you if you would be interested in living in America for a while." She smiled at him. That had been a time when Mika didn't nag so much. _

"_How about it, Eiri-san?" Tohma asked him. _

At the time, Eiri had wanted out of Japan. He hated everything about it, from the stupid politeness, to the stares and points and shouts from children of 'gaijin'. He hated his school, he hated his home and he hated his father for wanting him to carry on the family tradition. He understood the conversation he'd heard years ago now; everything was still vivid in his mind. His father had wanted a son; they'd had Mika and when he was born he was the heir to the temple. Tatsuha was an accident – a mistake.

He'd gone to America. Tohma had found him a tutor and managed to convince his father that the trip would benefit Eiri. His father had agreed, but only because he'd seen his son smoking and drinking, something unfit for a budding monk. They left soon after Eiri's fifteenth birthday and that was when Eiri met Yuki for the first time. He'd waited for them at the airport, and Eiri noticed at once that he had blond hair. He felt that this guy could be his friend.

_He was laughing at something Kitazawa had said. Tohma was cooking dinner, listening in on the tutoring session with amusement. That was amore typical scene with Kitazawa. It was hard for him to believe that this was the same teen that'd left Japan with Tohma, complaining and cursing all the way. He and Kitazawa were always laughing, and Tohma was glad that that he had finally found someone that he let look after him. _

Eiri rolled over onto his side. He'd been drinking again and had found the floor to be a very comfortable place to lie down. Sometimes when he drank, it called forward memories of Kitazawa, making a mockery of the fact that he drank to escape him. He pressed his cheek against the cool floor and exhaled a long sigh. He felt like crying and like ripping someone apart. Why should he have to be like this six years later? Yuki had deserved to die.

"_I'll let you go first for ten dollars." _

He wished that Shuichi had stayed. He needed someone to be with him, by him as he remembered what he tried so hard to forget. He wanted now what he usually wanted to get away from; he wanted Tohma or Mika to fret over him. He didn't want to be alone tonight. He was filled with self-loathing.

_Tohma was holding him. "It's okay, Eiri. It's okay." He was crying. They both were._

The door opened and Tatsuha stepped into the flat noisily. God it was freezing out. He wondered whether Shuichi was still over; he had planned on camping out with some tramps or something, but it had started raining, and he hadn't really been called over by Mika. "Aniki?" He called out tentatively, praying that he wasn't about to stumble upon some sodomy.

"Tatsuha?" Eiri croaked from the floor.

"What are you doing on the floor, aniki? Where's Shuichi? Have you been drinking without me you selfish bastard?" Tatsuha sat down beside him and shook an empty can of Budweiser, feigning upset. "How many have you had?"

"Not many," Eiri mumbled sleepily. Now that he wasn't upset he was tired. He wanted to crawl into his bed and sleep forever, something he never felt. He usually had to take sleeping pills to get anywhere near drowsy. He struggled to get up and swayed unsteadily once he was on his feet. Tatsuha sighed; he supposed that he had better help him.

"Come on, aniki. Let's get you to bed." He lifted his brother's arm up and around his shoulders and helped him to walk to his room and get into bed. Eiri mumbled something incoherently and Tatsuha pulled the duvet over his brother, cringing – if his friends could see him now…

Eiri had always looked out for his younger brother, even if he didn't do it on purpose. When Tatsuha's lunch money got stolen by a classmate, Eiri got it back. Whenever Tatsuha stayed late at an after school club, Eiri was always conveniently nearby and willing to walk him home. Tatsuha adored his older brother and as a child did not hesitate to show it. He had always asked for Eiri when he was sick, had a nightmare or was upset, even though it was Mika that made his food, took him to the park and to the cinema to see a new kiddie film and generally cared for him.

_Tatsuha had been overjoyed when his sister told him that Eiri would be coming home. She was nineteen at the time, and one evening she came into his room as he was getting into bed. She'd sat down at the edge of his bed and called him over to her for a cuddle. "Your big brother's coming back." He had laughed happily and babbled excitedly about the party they could hold for him and about the presents he wanted to give him and the schoolwork he wanted to show him. _

_At only eight years old, he didn't notice how pale his sister was and how her hands shook as she stroked his hair once he was tucked up in bed but wide awake with excitement. He also hadn't paid the slightest bit of notice at how sick his brother looked when he arrived at their home in Kyoto. He hugged his brother around the waist and begun at once to boast about how he'd changed since he'd last seen him. He'd burst into tears when Eiri had yelled at him._

Tatsuha loved Eiri and, though he enjoyed a drink as much as Eiri did, whenever he saw his brother in this kind of state he could understand why Mika and Tohma were always fretting. He watched Eiri sleep and (feeling stupid) prayed for him the way his father had taught him.

* * *

"I was going to tell you soon! I just couldn't think of the right time." Shuichi was apologizing profusely from his bed after returning from Yuki's house, walking more than a little stiffly. "I didn't even think that things would… progress… so fast."

"So, you almost get raped by that asshole, you then meet up with said asshole again because he went to kill you after I punched him, and then he screws you?" Hiro asked, shaking his head in a 'you've-made-a-big-mistake-buddy' motion.

"Hiro!" Shuichi gasped, flapping his hands in embarrassment at the red head. "Don't say it like that! It sounds so dirty!"

He rolled his eyes. "My best friend's gone all the way gay huh? How about that? Maybe you could meet up with that Taki now," Hiro suggested, twisting a lock of his hair in deep thought. Shuichi wrinkled his nose and mumbled something about Taki not being queer enough, but in truth, the Taki comment cut him. He'd lost his money and been terrified half out of his life only two days ago and Hiro was treating it as a joke.

"So you don't mind that I like guys?" Shuichi asked him, knowing already that Hiro didn't.

"Of course not. Hey, does that mean we can be 'friends with benefits' now?" Hiro winked suggestively and Shuichi grinned and pounced from his bed onto Hiro, pushing him backwards onto the other bed.

"Aren't we already, Hiro-chan?" He purred, touching the tip of his tongue to the side of Hiro's face. "We could do it right here, right now." He drew his tongue along Hiro's jawbone and immediately goose pimples rose there and along Hiro's neck. Shuichi laughed. "Are you sure I'm not the only 'all the way gay' in here?"

"Don't do that!" Hiro protested, ignoring his best friend's taunt. He feigned anger and scrubbed his face viciously, while carefully watching Shuichi's expression carefully. He watched as he laughed and then as his face fell when he thought Hiro was seriously angry, and then he pushed Shuichi onto his back and straddled him, just as Yuki had a few hours previously.

"Ooh, Hiiiiiroooo!" Shuichi moaned, trailing a finger down his friend's chest; and then: "Not now…my ass hurts."

"What a turn off," Hiro told him, his face suddenly inches from Shuichi's so that his hair was tickling him. "I feel a bit sorry for Yuki-san now. You didn't say that to him did you?"

"Is this your idea of pre-sex talk Hiroshi? I feel sorry for your girlfriends!" Shuichi stuck out his tongue, waiting for Hiro to do the same. They played their 'relationships' games all the time. It would continue until one of them chickened out, and tonguing was something Shuichi knew freaked out Hiro.

"Ah, you've put me right off now, bringing my girlfriends into the bedroom when I'm with you." He jumped off the bed and left Shuichi lying on his back with his tongue in the air.

"Coward!" Shuichi yelled after him.

* * *

**Chapter on Yuki… I'm sorry if it dragged but it's totally necessary. **

**I'm sorry this took so long, I had internet problems for two days (it was so horrible! sobs) and couldn't post it when I planned to. **

**Replies to reviews:**

Strawberry GoodsI can't tell you that! Thank you for your review, I try to update as soon as possible – I've got most of this fic written out already and just reread each chapter before I post: adding, taking away, changing… its so annoying… but completely worth it for the great reviews!

v.c.musette:I'm so happy that you weren't disappointed, that's definitely the worst chapter out of the way for me. I will definitely, definitely, definitely(!) go back and change it though!

Patpat: I'm a pervert too but I totally chickened out on the lemon! I will go back and change it, I promise you and all other perverts lol. People keep reviewing for Yuki's feelings and I hope this chapter shows him in more detail. I tried to put him across as a person who is not in touch with his feelings and you should (if I don't fail miserably as a writer) see him change. Phew, and you're points are all noted in my mind to make later changes – thank you very much for your review!

XxTypoMasterxX: Thank you very much – smiles.

Lacuna Miyamoto: Thanks again! Your review made me happy this time too! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and, if you're another who wonders about Yuki, I hope you see him more clearly.

Sana-chan9: Oh my gosh, you're review made me all smiley and happy! I've always wanted to write (since I was a kid!), but I've never posted, published or entered a contest before (apart from a poetry contest when I was… nine) and your review was so – wow! I'm so flattered! Also, I'm glad you found the last chapter interesting – I was almost crying posting it!

Loveless19: Here's my update, and thanks for reviewing.

**And a huge thank you to all readers, favorite-ers and reviewers! **

Revised on: 22nd February 2008. Thank you, blaqksilence.


	9. Chapter 9

Title: Regression

Chapter: 9

Disclaimer: Gravitation is Maki Murakami's – I own nothing.

Summary: AU When Yuki's sessions with his psychiatrist increase, he hates it. Can a certain pink haired receptionist change his mind?

* * *

"Suguru, I'm going to head off. I've got to go shopping and meet my friend. Can you cover for me?" A few days later, Shuichi was tying his hair back in two wonky bunches on either side of his head and Suguru was giving him funny looks from behind him. Shuichi had caught sight of him in his compact mirror (he had found it in the lost property box and was using to solve his new hair problem). It had grown a lot and although he had managed to dye out the brown roots the night before, its length was beginning to irritate him something chronic.

Suguru jumped when Shuichi said his name. "Err…ah…of course Shindou-san. What should I say if you're asked for?"

"Dunno," Shuichi shrugged. "Can I trust you to think of something? Oh, but don't say I'm taking a dump or that I'm sick. Give me a classy excuse."

"How about a 'family crisis'?" Suguru suggested, sounding bemused. Shuichi smirked at his tone.

"God no, I've had enough of _them_." Shuichi said with such vehemence that Suguru eyed him even more strangely. He continued to ruffle his tied-up hair and to eye his reflection critically, though, so Suguru let the comment go. He assumed that Shuichi had used the family crisis excuse too much.

"I'll think something up. Don't worry Shindou-san."

Shuichi smiled gratefully at him and gave his hair another ruffle. He wondered if Yuki would like his hair tied back. He was trying his best to transform his too-long hair into a decent hairstyle that would make Yuki go crazy with lust (or was that too much to ask for?). He would have asked Suguru for his opinion but, judging by his hairstyle, his opinion wouldn't be worth much. Shuichi cackled mentally at his snide thoughts. Who would have known that he could be so bitchy?

"Okay, thank you so much Suguru. I promise I'll cover for you whenever you want. You're a star!" He picked up the girly bag he'd stolen from Maiko the last time he'd seen her (he'd run out of overnight bag space) and slung it over his shoulder, winking at Suguru. He was overdoing the camp act, he knew, but he was insanely happy and the events of a few nights ago gave him that privilege, he thought. He wasn't going to change out of his nurse uniform either – let the whole world stare, nothing could bring him down.

He was delayed a little longer when a nurse called Ayaka asked him if he knew anything about the affair between the married head doctor of the cancer department and the ditzy nurse in the observation ward. By the end of the conversation he had grown extremely fond of her, loving her bitchy comments even more than his own and had agreed to go to lunch with her later in the week to spill the beans on the goings on in the wards surrounding the psychiatrist ward.

He waltzed out of the hospital, waving at the members of staff he was friendly with at the entrance. He hopped onto the bus that would take him to the shopping street by his house. He hadn't really needed to leave so early, but he didn't want to risk running into Taki again.

He traipsed through aisle after aisle at the small supermarket, being rubbish at any domestic task he faced, and found himself going back to get the simple things he'd forgotten and throwing junk that he'd never use out of his trolley. He tried again to buy Hiro some beer and cigarettes, remembering that he still hadn't repaid Hiro for his kindness. He backtracked once more to pick up a few basic ingredients for a homemade pizza, his and Hiro's favourite food (besides Pocky, of course).

He deposited his shopping bags at home and, to his surprise, found that Hiro was at work (for once). He read the note Hiro had left him saying that he'd be home late because of the work he had to catch up with after being 'sick' for so long and dashed out to catch the bus to Yuki's house. Shuichi could feel butterflies fluttering in his stomach as he thought of the night before and what this night could bring. He wanted to dance, to sing and to hug the person sitting next to him.

Strangely though, he felt sick with nerves once he stood outside waiting for the porter to let him in. A thousand 'what if' s popped into his head; what if Yuki had only wanted him for sex, what if Yuki changed his mind, what if, what if, what if.

His nervousness disappeared as quickly as it had appeared when Yuki answered the door with his hair dripping wet and his shirt unbuttoned. Shuichi tried his hardest not to gape. "Hi Yuki!"

"What do you want, brat?" Shuichi's heart sank, it didn't seem that yesterday had changed anything after all.

"Well, I was wondering…" Shuichi began, hesitating. He tried again. "Hiro, my best friend, is going to be working late tonight and well… could I stay here tonight?" He stared beseechingly up at him.

"Sure, why not? 'Yuki' loves having people stay." Tatsuha poked Eiri in the back of his head and grinned at Shuichi. "You can sleep on the sofa or something." He put emphasis on the last two words. "I'm going out tonight." He turned to his brother. "With that hot chick I met last time I was here."

Eiri shrugged one shoulder. "You're not staying here. I'm not running a hotel."

"Oh come on Aniki, he can make it worth your while." Tatsuha started sniggering. "I'm _behind_ him on this." He nudged Eiri. "Behind!"

Shuichi flushed but continued to plead with Yuki regardless. "Yuuukiii, please, I wouldn't ask if I wasn't so scared of being by myself. Last night there were gunshots near my house." He tried out his best pathetic face on Yuki. He tried tugging miserably at his sleeves too, throwing a bit of awkwardness into his act. _Come on Yuki, melt…melt…_ Tatsuha observed from the outside, picking up moves to use on Eiri next time he was in Tokyo. He saw the inner battle going on inside his brother's mind – be a cold-hearted bastard to Shuichi or lose Tatsuha's respect.

A muscle twitched on Yuki's temple. "Fine, but be out of here before I wake up and don't disturb me."

Happiness bubbled up inside Shuichi and frothed over like over heated milk. "Thank you Yuki!" He gushed, hardly daring to believe his luck.

Tatsuha whooped along with Shuichi. "You rock 'Yuki'!" The word 'rock' reminded him of music and then of Nittle Grasper. "So, Shu-_chan_, are you and your friend interested? The gig is in a couple of days."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," Shuichi told him enthusiastically. "That is, if you're sure you don't mind giving away your two extra tickets. Don't you want to take the girl you're meeting instead?" Tatsuha and Eiri exchanged glances.

"Oh no Shuichi," Tatsuha said a tad nervously – _invite a girl? What was he thinking?_ "Just meet me here at five-thirty on the day." He smiled brightly at Shuichi and his brother and clapped his hands together. "Well, duty calls, I'll see you tomorrow aniki and I'll see you, Shu, on Tuesday. Don't be late." He grabbed his jacket and slung it over one shoulder just as Shuichi had done with his bag when he left the hospital, and sauntered off to meet his date.

Shuichi stepped into the flat and stared around as if seeing it for the first time. He shucked off his shoes and ran into the living room to throw himself onto the floor and roll on the carpet. Yuki surveyed his childish actions looking very unimpressed: what had he done? Shuichi lay with his cheek pressed into the thick carpet and sighed contently. "Thank you so much Yuki." He giggled giddily to himself and Yuki decided that Shuichi was a bigger head case than he was.

Eiri disregarded his appreciation and started towards his study. "I'm going to work, don't bother me. If you want anything just take it, but don't mess anything up."

Shuichi nodded enthusiastically and smiled up at him. "I'll keep quiet. You won't even know I'm here." He pressed a finger to his lips and closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. "You go to work. I'll find some blankets and stuff when I get tired."

Yuki raised his head in agreement and walked down to his study to continue his writing. All he could think about now was how cute Shuichi looked in his uniform lying on the floor. For a moment he had been torn between staying in the living room with Shuichi or working - Shuichi made it look as if he was missing out on something great. It was quite endearing how easily pleased the kid was.

* * *

Shuichi crept passed Eiri's study and into his room. He hadn't brought any clothes with him on purpose so that he could steal some of Yuki's things. He was doing as Yuki had told him to and was taking what he needed. He opened the wardrobe and picked out a long sleeved shirt for him to sleep in and searched around for a pair of boxer shorts to wear as shorts. He made his way to the bathroom to have a shower and enjoyed washing his hair with Yuki's shampoo and soap, thinking joyfully of how he would smell like Yuki.

Stepping out of the shower, he peered at himself in the mirror cloudy with condensation and tied his wet hair back up into the two bunches, eyeing himself critically. Deciding he was pleased with his appearance he pulled on Yuki's shirt and shorts. They were huge on him but he loved how they felt on his skin and how they smelt of Yuki. He hugged the shirt closer to him as he stepped out of the bathroom to hunt for a blanket. He paused outside the study to listen to Yuki work. He heard the hum of a computer and keys clacking. He longed to wrap his arms around Yuki and pull him away from his work to go to bed, but knew that doing so would only serve to make Yuki angry. He had told him not to disturb him.

Shuichi looked through Yuki's wardrobe for a blanket and found a thick blue mohair blanket tucked away. He pulled it out and stole one of Yuki's pillows from the bed and carried his things to the living room. He threw the blanket and pillow onto the couch, at a loss of what to do now. He was getting sleepy already despite it being only a quarter past nine. He went into the kitchen and filled up a glass with tap water to drink. He leant back against the kitchen and sipped it slowly, wondering whether Yuki would want a drink. It wouldn't _really_ be disturbing if he talked to him for a reason…

He knocked on the study door and opened it a fraction, poking his head into the room. "Yuki, would you like a drink? I was going to make myself some tea."

"I'll have a beer," Yuki said absently, his eyes darting from line to line as he checked his writing.

"Okay," Shuichi said quietly, retreating, glad that he had been of help.

He returned a few minutes later with a can of Budweiser and a steaming mug of tea. He set the beer down beside the laptop and read a few lines of what he deduced to be Yuki's next best-seller. "It looks good," Shuichi told him, keeping his voice down so he didn't disturb him. He yawned and stretched his arms above his head in an exaggerated show of sleepiness. "Well, goodnight Yuki." He gave Yuki a tiny hug around his neck, planting a quick kiss on top of his head and returned to the living room to sleep.

Yuki stared blankly at the sentence he'd just written, puzzled by Shuichi's confidence around his house. When Shuichi had promised not to disturb him, Yuki had assumed that Shuichi would just stay away, but he had come in to offer him a drink and say goodnight like he was his wife or something. All that was missing was the 'don't stay up too late, dear'.

He did a word count. He'd written about two thousand words – pathetic – but he was ahead of schedule with his work and could always go back and improve what he'd written later. He saved what he'd written and shut down his laptop, downing some of his beer when he remembered it. He turned off the lights to his study and went to check on Shuichi. He was asleep already, with his legs and arms splayed out and his blanket on the floor. Yuki sighed and picked up the blanket, throwing it over him as he had done for Tatsuha countless times when he was younger. It could get quite cold in the night and Yuki found himself wondering whether the blanket would be enough. Rather than let Shuichi know that he had worried, he simply turned up the heating and went off to his own bed.

* * *

Shuichi woke up early the next day and took advantage of the hot water that worked in the morning and had a shower. He'd smell like Yuki today too! When he went to make himself breakfast Yuki was already up and making his own breakfast. "Good morning," Shuichi chirped happily, plucking a slice of Yuki's toast from the toaster and taking a bite out of it, dry.

"That's a contradiction." Yuki grumbled, picking up the other piece of toast and eating it dry as well. Shuichi realized that the piece he'd 'stolen' was meant for him and his knees immediately turned to jelly. "I'm driving you to work; I've got to go to the pharmacy." At this rate, he wouldn't be able to stand for much longer.

"Thank you so much!" Shuichi threw his arms around Yuki and, tiptoeing, nuzzled his neck affectionately. "I really don't deserve this." He kissed Yuki cheekily on the lips hoping that Yuki would kiss back. Yuki disappointed him, staying stock still and unresponsive. He smiled sadly against his lips and pulled away.

"What time do you have to be at work?" Eiri asked, ignoring Shuichi's attempts to seduce him.

"I usually get there at half past eight to talk to the nurses while the doctors have their briefing things, but I don't mind if you want to go later. I don't have to be there 'til nine." Shuichi sat down at the table to finish his toast. He wished that he could have spent more time with Yuki instead of the measly two minutes he'd seen of him the night before.

Yuki hummed in response and sat across the table from Shuichi tiredly. He despised getting up early. Shuichi watched him, a plan formulating in his mind and an impish smile spread across his face. He looked down at his hand and stretched his foot to Yuki's leg. He raised it without touching Yuki's leg and then let it fall in his lap, _very_ close to his crotch. He let out an inaudible gasp of surprise and his eyes widened. Shuichi suppressed a giggle as he peeped at him through his eyelashes. He stretched his foot further, his heel rubbing against Yuki's thigh. "You know, Yuki," Shuichi said, still looking down at his hands and biting back laughter. "We've still got an hour and a half before I have to be at work…" With that, he stretched his foot the few extra millimetres.

Eiri decided that Shuichi was not as innocent as he looked. Shuichi finally looked up at him, his features dripping with sex appeal, pouting and giving him 'bedroom' eyes. How did he know how to do that? Hadn't he been a virgin only a few days ago? Yuki's trousers felt uncomfortably tight. Damn, it was too early to deal with Shuichi, especially when he was in his uniform. He looked positively edible.

Shuichi felt the swelling in Yuki's trousers and took it as his cue to get up and finish seducing his lover. He wasn't going to give in until he got Yuki into bed (or anywhere else for that matter). "Come on Yuki-_san_," Shuichi whispered breathlessly in his ear, adding a little role-play to his endeavour. Goosebumps rose all over his body and his trousers tightened somewhat more. A blush stole across his face and Shuichi was almost delighted out of his seductive motives with the urge to laugh and tease. He put his mouth to the novelist's ear and nipped the lobe lightly, enjoying the way Yuki shivered slightly.

Instinct took over and Eiri pulled Shuichi onto his lap, his mouth soon against the kid's pulse point. Shuichi tipped his head to allow Yuki more access as his hands moved down to undo Yuki's belt. He couldn't believe that he'd seduced someone for the first time. Just like the bitchiness he'd discovered yesterday, he'd now found his seductive side. He was about to take off his uniform, but Yuki pulled away from him to tell him to leave it on.

That alone almost made Shuichi come.

* * *

**Thank you, blaqksilence, for your brilliant beta-ing. **

**Replies to reviews:**

Stoic-Genius: It made you laugh? Wah, sex isn't meant to be funny! But yeah, I based it on the manga because that's the most reliable way to see how Yuki would act blah blah blah and he's so hard to keep in character. As for Hiro and Shuichi, I've never believed that they are just friends, so here's how I see them together.

Patpat: Thank you for your review, I'm glad that scene made you laugh; I almost took it out because it didn't have much to do with the plot. I've written about 23 chapters, but there are still some lose ends to tie up so I think that there will be about 25-30 chapters… phew! And… I'm hoping to update at least once a week so the fic should be done by about March/April 2008, if all goes well. Do you think you can stand 20 more chapters? Lol.

Maleysin: Gah! I almost had a heart attack reading you review - my stomach actually flipped over with the 'but...' Lol. I'm so flattered and I totally agree with you about the bad writers, I don't want to be one of them. I hope you enjoyed this chapter too .

Loveless19: I got this chapter out as soon as I could, so here's your update!

Strawberry Goods: I hate waiting for people to update so I'm trying my hardest to update regularly - thanks for the feedback on that . I'm glad you liked the last chapter and I hope you enjoyed this one!

Lacuna Miyamoto: Hey, I learnt about that in my psych class a few years ago! Hmm... if I remember correctly it was to find out about attachment in babies and children and they found out about material deprivation and maternal deprivation with the orphans... its really unethical though... meh, enough with the psychology. And it's also 2am where I am, funnily enough. I loved your logic too X3

Thanks to anyone who read, reviewed, favorite-d, alert-ed or thought of doing any of the mentioned - you are my inspiration.


	10. Chapter 10

Title: Regression

Chapter: 10

Disclaimer: We're into double figure chapters, but that doesn't mean I own Gravitation.

Summary: AU When Yuki's sessions with his psychiatrist increase, he hates it. Can a certain pink haired receptionist change his mind?

* * *

"Stupid bus driver. He couldn't be bothered to drive one more stop. Is that so hard? He's attacking a cripple. I should sue. Rotten, lousy bus company." Shuichi was muttering angrily to himself, still hobbling. Yuki could sure damage a guy's foot. The bus driver had kicked everyone off the bus the stop before Shuichi's and had left him to walk an additional five streets to his house. He didn't know what the world was coming to.

"Shindou Shuichi. Hi, how are you?" A cool voice cut short Shuichi's rant. Shuichi's blood ran cold and he whipped round to face the speaker. Taki.

"Get away or I'll call the police." Shuichi warned him, trying to sound as menacing as he could.

"Ooh, he's gotten cocky now." Taki jeered, making no move to back off. "He's got a dirty mouth on him. I like that. Do you bite too, or just bark?" He pulled one of Shuichi's bunches sharply and Shuichi slapped his hand away in fright. "He _does_ bite; I knew that I liked the look of you. You remind me a lot of a woman I knew." He laughed cruelly and leered at Shuichi.

"Touch me and I swear you'll never live to see tomorrow," Shuichi growled more bravely than he felt. Taki only laughed again.

"Don't worry, Faggot-chan. I'm not going to touch you, it's not my place or my thing, really. I'll see you around. Oh, and try not to be so jumpy next time, it makes you look frigid – big turn off." He blew a mocking kiss at Shuichi and crossed the road, disappearing down a tiny side street. Shuichi's hands shook so violently that he held them in front of his face to see if they were really his. Taki had confused him; he could've done anything he liked to him, but he'd done nothing. Shuichi walked home as quickly as he could home, just in case Taki changed his mind.

"Hiro, I'm home!" Shuichi called as soon as he stepped through the door (he was using the spare key they had given to the neighbour until he got another set cut). He slipped off his shoes and went to the bedroom to talk to Hiro. He heard the shower running so he flopped tiredly onto the bed and started reading through the Open University course brochures he had picked up ages ago and never had the chance (or willpower) to read.

_Psychology course_, he read, _Students will gain an understanding of four main groups if psychology: Social, cognitive, behavioural and developmental. No prior knowledge is required, and this course can be studied from home with tapes, videos and books. Psychology has never been so psymple! _There were a few bullet points and comments from successful psychiatrists and psychologists who had once used the Psychology course. He knew that he was working towards his future, but couldn't the future be a bit more interesting?

The lock on the bathroom clicked and Hiro stepped out in a cloud of steam. He caught sight of Shuichi and smiled apologetically. "I didn't know you were coming home tonight, I just used up all of the hot water. Sorry, Shu." Shuichi flapped his hand, dismissing Hiro's apology. He tried to reread the information but his mind kept going blank and he found himself reading the same line over and over. Hiro sat down next to him and peered at the brochure over Shuichi's shoulder. "You've finally got round to looking for your class, huh? Somebody's inspired." Shuichi sighed in defeat and threw the brochure down angrily, burying his head in his arms.

"How come the future is so scary, Hiro? I don't know what to do. I hate having to sponge off you and your dad. Why am I such a failure?" Hiro sighed and pulled Shuichi halfway onto his lap. "See? I'm doing it again. How can you not be sick of me?" He groaned into his arms.

"Shu, I'm sponging off of my dad as much as you are. Think of it like this: we're a couple and you have an extremely generous father-in-law. Anyway, he says that the psychiatrist guy loves you. Nobody else works five days a week with full shifts. And as for me being sick of you…no way, our love is too deep Shu-chan."

"You're just trying to get into my pants you womaniser, you." Shuichi mumbled, his eyes tearing despite his joke.

Hiro heard his telltale sniffling even though his face has hidden. "What's up with you today anyway Shuichi? Was work hard?"

"Shut up and kiss me fool." Shuichi said flatly, avoiding the question. Hiro flicked his head affectionately, and then shifted Shuichi off him to get up.

"When you feel like telling me about it, I'll be next door, making the dinner you _still_ owe me."

* * *

Shuichi must have fallen asleep because when he lifted his head off his hands Hiro was holding his mobile phone out to him and calling his name. He rubbed his eyes quickly and stretched out his arms and legs, then took the phone. "Hello?" He said mouthing 'who is it?' at Hiro. Hiro mouthed back 'my dad' and Shuichi smiled broadly.

"Shuichi-kun, I've got some great news for you. I had lunch with one of my colleagues today, and he has a friend working in a children's home for children with problems. Apparently, they're always looking out for new care workers there, and I recommended you. Do you think you'd be interested? You could go on weekends for a few hours, and what you'd be doing is talking to them, playing with them, helping with cleaning and cooking, things like that."

Shuichi's grin widened even more. "I'd love that! Thank you so much!"

"I thought you would," Hiro's dad chuckled at his enthusiasm. "I wish my Hiro would put as much enthusiasm into his work as you do, that lazy ass. Okay, my colleague gave me this number…" He read it out to Shuichi, who copied it down dutifully, "and he said you'd be put through to a Yoshiki. Hmm, no surname… You'd better take down her name and find out her surname from the reception."

Shuichi thanked him again and hung up, beaming. "Did someone hear your prayers, I wonder?" Hiro teased, smiling back at him. His best friend was so easily pleased, and it was adorable. He felt a tug at his heart when he thought of Shuichi leaving him to live with Yuki, leaving him alone. He'd grown so used to having his bubbly little friend around. His smile softened into a sad smirk.

"You're dad's the best, Hiro. You're so lucky, you know that?"

Of course he knew that. Having Shuichi as his best friend had taught him to appreciate how lucky he was. He had parents who loved him and a brother that he could see whenever he wanted. How could he be any luckier?

"Have you made dinner, sweetheart?" Shuichi asked him, sitting up and slipping his feet into a pair of hideous slippers that Hiro had once seen when he had visited Maiko with Shuichi. He grinned again, imagining Shuichi stealing the garish hot pink footwear from his sister's wardrobe.

"I haven't actually; I got a bit 'sidetracked'."

"What happened? Was it that saleswoman again or was it that fifteen-year-old school girl upstairs? I told you to stop talking to her. If you do anything with her I'll report you."

"Jealous much?" Hiro questioned him, eyebrows raised.

"No. Unlike you, Mr. Hetero, my heart is taken." Shuichi giggled to himself and Hiro felt another sharp tug at his heart. He felt protective of Shuichi all of a sudden. What if Yuki hurt him? Shuichi didn't deserve to get hurt again. What would happen to him if he had to suffer again like he had through high school? Shuichi frowned at him when he didn't reply. "I think you _are_ jealous Hiro. Don't worry. You're the one who stole my heart love, and I mean that," He said sincerely. "If only you were gay, huh?" He joked now, winking at Hiro and punching his arm. "C'mere, you lovable lump. I know a person who needs some love when I see one." He hugged Hiro tightly and kissed him lightly on the lips, surprising him and amusing Shuichi.

"Are you going to cook for me then lover boy?" Hiro asked, smiling ruefully and raising his eyes to the heavens. Shuichi pressed his nose into Hiro's neck and let out a laugh.

"Food and sex is all you think about – what a good husband you are." He released him and peered at his face, checking to make sure that he had erased all of Hiro's troubles. "I'll cook for you, love. What do you want?"

"Well, apart from you, a pizza sounds pretty good."

"There you go again!"

* * *

"Riku, honey, you're having a visitor this weekend. Isn't that nice sweetheart?" Yoshiki cooed. Riku was lying quietly in his bed, staring blankly out of his window as he always did. He was only five years old, and was in the institution because both of his parents had died, and he'd been bullied at the first care home he'd been at. His mother had overdosed earlier that year. His father had died when he was just a baby. Yoshiki smiled broadly at him. "Riku, how about we go to see your mummy and daddy today, hmm? We haven't gone for a while."

He didn't answer. Riku hadn't uttered a word since he had arrived at the institution, although he did show a preference to what workers came to see him and help him eat and clean his room up. He stared at Yoshiki with big wide eyes and Yoshiki knew that he'd like to go. "C'mon poppet, grab your coat and we'll get going. This'll be our little secret okay? Otherwise everyone will want to come."

If you asked Yoshiki what the worst part of her job was, she would reply that taking Riku to his parents' graves was. He would silently put on his coat, silently walk to the cemetery with his hand holding tightly onto hers and then crouch silently between the two gravestones and stare at the ground. It was a heart-breaking sight and Yoshiki hated having to tear him away. She had never seen him cry.

Today, she bought a bunch of flowers from the miserable looking flower stall at the gates to the cemetery for Riku to distribute between the graves. He clutched the bunch in his small hands and moved between gravestones until he found his parents'. He crouched down and set the bunch out on the floor and counted out an equal amount for each parent. Yoshiki watched him work without interfering and smiled at him when he placed the two sets of flowers on each grave. "Aren't they beautiful Riku? Here, I'll help you move the old ones honey." She squatted down next to him and picked up the old bunches, and then put her arm around him. "I bet they're so proud of you sweetheart. You're being very brave and grown up."

Riku nodded solemnly and leaned against Yoshiki, staring at his father's grave. He stared at the writing on the gravestone and wished that Yoshiki would read it to him. His mother had told him a little about his daddy, telling him that daddy was a very kind man who had to work far away to make their lives better but had gone to heaven before he could get back to see his family again.

"What do you say to some ice cream? It's getting late and we'll have to get back soon." Yoshiki smiled at him. He was so adorable, with his big dark eyes and ash blonde hair – everybody fell in love with him – so it was not surprising that Yoshiki spoiled him rotten. He nodded slowly, but did not really feel like eating ice cream. He would just rather be alone with Yoshiki than stay in his room at the Home. Yoshiki held out her hand for him and he took it, clinging on tightly. He didn't want her to leave him too.

* * *

**Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful readers! Thank you so much for your response to chapter 9. Without you this story would not be what it is. I love you all.**

**Replies to reviews:**

Lacuna Miyamoto: You're so strange, but I love your reviews! -Glomps- Don't worry, your logic makes perfect sense to me, and I'm glad theres somebody out there that shares my love for floors (walking barefoot/lying/eating on) and for biting people they like. And your story made me laugh, I always mishear stuff and make myself look like an idiot. .

Loveless19: I tried to update ASAP as always. Here's you update.

XxTypoMasterxX: Aren't they? I wish they were the fluffy sort so I could write lots and lots of fluffy oneshots, lol!

v.c.musette: Shuichi is the shit at the end of the chapter. Can't you imagine him doing that? I don't know if you noticed but I had to throw in Eiri's ear thing, and Shuichi got it! Lol.

Stoic-Genius: There's HiroShuichi in this chapter. I totally agree with you about the manga/anime thing. And if you 'read' the remixes O.o Shuichi is not that innocent at all. The OOC thing is so true, but it does annoy me if Eiri is talkative and smiley, because its not him... its like you're just stealing a characters name and appearance, not writing about them and their lives, if you see what I mean. Maybe thats just me. Lol.

xXCrimsonTearsXx: Thank you, thank you, thank you for your review. It made me laugh - no, I have nothing for or against your president so I'm not offended, and yes, we do have red telephone booths on the street. Not on every street, obviously, but in the more tourist-y areas like around Hyde Park and Trafalgar Square and places like that. (Its not a stupid question, I have about a million and one questions for Americans about their school system lol. I _still _don't get it...)

gravichick: You're back! Lol. I love Shuichi cosplaying, its really cute. Especially with the cat ears...

noonsam: Thank you! You flatter me! Believe me when I say this but there is a LOT more to come on the Yuki and Shuichi front!

Patpat: Hello! Shuichi is way too kind for his own good (as you'll see later). I based his bitchy moment on when he's always bickering with Fujisaki in the manga (at the beginning anyway). Eiri is an idiot, his 'I love you' in the manga was pathetic!! But adorable. But still pathetic! I still can't believe your translating my fic! (Maybe I've said that before, but squeal!)

**Thank you to everybody who read, favourite or alert-ed. I love you all too. **

Revised on: 22nd February 2008. LOVE YOU BLAQKSILENCE!


	11. Chapter 11

Title: Regression

Chapter: 11

Disclaimer: Not mine…life is cruel…

Summary: AU When Yuki's sessions with his psychiatrist increase, he hates it. Can a certain pink haired receptionist change his mind?

* * *

Eiri watched the rain fall past his window. A thousand adjectives, quotes and clichés flooded his mind, begging to be chosen, hoping to be the inspiration for his new novel. His fingers were hovering over the keyboard, ready to type out whatever he wanted. In all, he was set to work, but nothing was coming to his mind today. Whenever he tried to focus he was confronted by a mass of ideas that had been done before, and the more that happened, the angrier he became. So he'd given up, opting to pretend to be working rather than admit that he couldn't work today to his brother who was doing whatever in the next room.

Eiri hated the rain.

He turned his head back towards the laptop screen, where the cursor was flashing mockingly at him. He wanted to write. He could feel so many stories writing themselves up in his mind, but he couldn't find them. He hunched up miserably and glared at his overflowing ashtray. He usually smoked while he worked and the sight of the full ashtray and blank page irritated him even more. At least now something was equal, he supposed - no work and no cigarettes.

He really needed something for his head. He hadn't worn his glasses and that, coupled with the stress, had summoned up a migraine. He considered asking Tatsuha to get him the aspirin but immediately felt a rush of self-loathing for even thinking of asking somebody for help. He didn't need help from anybody. He shut down his laptop in defeat, and got up. He was sick of his study for today. He would work some more tomorrow. For now he would do something else.

Tatsuha eyed him lazily from the sofa when he heard the door open. His brother looked rough. Eiri walked into the kitchen and dry swallowed two aspirin, running a hand irritably through his hair. Tatsuha raised an eyebrow in question, not expecting his brother to answer. He lay back on the couch and exhaled loudly. Tokyo was really boring when you had to stay indoors. And time seemed to crawl by now that the Nittle Grasper gig was so close.

"Aniki, is Shuichi coming over today?" Tatsuha asked, yawning widely. Shuichi seemed like a fun guy, and he wanted to get to know the Hiro guy too before they went to the gig.

"No, he's working," Eiri replied flatly, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. "What do you want with him?"

"Ah, nothing much. I wanted to get to know him better and maybe meet Hiro. And I'm bored as fuck."

"You're welcome to pick him up from work. He's stupid enough to try to walk home in this weather." Eiri answered as monotonously as before, now turning to glare at the torrential rain outside as if it had done him personal harm.

"Are you worried about him aniki?" Tatsuha teased, proceeding to make kissing noises. When he caught sight of his brother's face his grin wavered. "Do you think he'll mind if I pick him up and bring him here? We'll get soaked either way, but you don't notice as much when you're driving – or in Shuichi's case, when you're clinging onto another guy." He guffawed at his own joke and then stopped when his brother's face darkened even more. He glanced out of the window. "I wouldn't be surprised if you _were_ worried though, that little guy wouldn't stand a chance against this rain…" he trailed off tantalizingly, subtly provoking his brother.

Eiri stared out at the rain. Would Shuichi be ok, or was Tatsuha winding him up? He had a great poker face (much like himself) and even Mika had trouble telling if he was being serious or not. Shuichi was definitely foolish enough to try to walk home. He was also clumsy enough to drown in a puddle. Eiri's stomach knotted with anxiety. "Go and pick him up Tatsuha."

Tatsuha's eyes widened a fraction. "Did you just ask me to pick him up?"

"And take the car; the keys are on the coffee table," he added, ignoring his brother's question and then the gape that followed. Tatsuha was as uncertain as his brother had been: was Eiri seriously telling the truth, or was he winding _him_ up? "He finishes work at about six. Oh yeah, and since it's you, don't try to be funny." Tatsuha stared witheringly at him.

"Oh, ha ha Eiri-_nii_." Tatsuha loved pissing his brother off with honorifics. Eiri hated 'aniki' enough as it was, even though both he and Tatsuha called Mika 'aneki'. "I give in, are you being serious or not?"

"Do I look like I'm joking?" Eiri asked, deadpan. He casually pulled a mug out of one of the kitchen cupboards and proceeded to make himself an instant coffee. The proper stuff was too troublesome for him, in his present mood. If today he was a failure, he could act like a failure.

"Nii-san! Why can't you ever answer properly?" Tatsuha whined. "Everything's is always a riddle with you. No wonder you're always at the psychiatrists; I bet you never tell them anything they need to know to help you. Just tell me if you're being serious."

"Yes. Yes, I'm serious. Is that easy enough for you to understand or do you want it written down?" He stirred his coffee violently. Tatsuha's psychiatry dig pissed him off even more than admitting that he really did want Tatsuha to pick up Shuichi. Behind the cover of a wind up he could easily deny being serious afterwards and make Tatsuha look like an idiot, but without that cover he felt too exposed.

"I'll, erm, go, then." Tatsuha got up and picked up the car keys, his eyes flicking to Eiri, and waited for Eiri to tell him that he hadn't been serious. This didn't happened and he exited the apartment in defeat. If Eiri was playing a cruel joke on him, he could get him back by ruining his car. But then, what scared him about that was that his brother knew that he wouldn't take being wound up lightly and had still entrusted his car to him.Tatsuha shuddered – his brother was incredibly good at playing mind games.

* * *

"Shindou-san, you have a visitor." Fujisaki told Shuichi as he stopped by the reception to do some kind of assistant type working. Shuichi let the pencil he'd been chewing on fall out of his mouth and into his hand, mildly surprised. The only person he could think of that would visit him was Hiro, and he'd never visited him or even called him at work before. Besides, as far as he knew, Hiro would be working for the next few weeks.

"Why didn't you send them up?" Shuichi asked. Fujisaki was so useless.

"I'm sorry Shindou-san. I'm only here on work experience and I didn't really know what to do. He's in the entrance waiting for you." Fujisaki breezed off, _probably to suck up to someone further up in the psychiatry ladder, stupid kid._ Suguru had wised up about who to suck up to, and no longer listened to Shuichi.

"I'm sorry Shindou-san." Shuichi imitated Suguru in a high-pitched voice and wrinkled his nose. "'I'm sorry' my ass. I bet he did that on purpose, making me trek all the way downstairs to see a visitor. Would it kill him to get a name anyway?" He grumbled all the way down to the entrance to the hospital, even ignoring Ayaka's happy 'hiya'.

He looked around the entrance moodily, looking for Hiro or any un-uniformed people. Unfortunately, this only narrowed his search down to fifteen odd people. He gave an exasperated huff and wracked his brain. It couldn't be Yuki – for one, there were no blonds, and second to that he knew where Shuichi worked. Stupid Suguru had tricked him – probably revenge for treating him like a slave and –

"Shu-chan! Yo!" Tatsuha walked over to him, grinning widely. "You've gotta come over and see my brother. He's completely flipped." Shuichi's blood ran cold when he heard 'flipped' but then he realized that Tatsuha was grinning. He couldn't be serious, so Shuichi politely moved on.

"Tatsuha, hi. Why are you here?" He was quite surprised at himself when he his mind started sending irritated vibes at Tatsuha for disturbing him while he was at work. Tatsuha grinned inanely back.

"You're really not gonna believe this. My brother sent me here." Shuichi stopped himself from rolling his eyes, he was itching to get back to work – when he'd had his money stolen he and Hiro had to borrow more money from Hiro's parents again and he hated that so much. Tatsuha noticed his slight impatience. "Well, long story short, he sent me to pick you up because he was worried about you getting caught out in that rain. I told you, he's completely flipped. My brother wouldn't have done that for me ever. Consider yourself royalty Shuichi."

"Yuki sent you here to pick me up?" Shuichi asked, understanding that it was a strange occurrence but not fully grasping why Tatsuha was making it sound like a life-changing event. "Why couldn't he come himself? Is he – Is he sick?" Shuichi began to worry again, butterflies fluttering in his stomach. Yuki might need him to look after him while he stayed off his feet, but that wouldn't explain why Tatsuha had been smiling when he had told him that his brother had flipped.

"No," Tatsuha replied idly, staring at Ayaka who was chatting to another nurse but was watching him out of the corner of her eye. Shuichi wondered whether she had followed him – his grumpiness probably put her on the trail of gossip – she could track these things like a hunting dog, and it occurred to him that she wouldn't make a bad celebrity magazine journalist. "He never picks anyone up. This is his way of showing he cares. Anyway," he turned his attention back to Shuichi, "you could always pretend that Yuki dyed his hair, if you catch my drift…"

Shuichi saw Ayaka making her way over to them out of the corner of his eye. He ignored Tatsuha's comment and smiled at Ayaka. "Hey Shuichi, who's this? He sure is tasty – it's your boyfriend isn't it?" She gave Tatsuha a predatory grin and clung to Shuichi's arm. Tatsuha's own grin widened.

"No, this isn't my boyfriend, Ayaka-chan," he adopted Ayaka's over-dramatized friendship with him, using the appropriate honorific. If Ayaka liked Tatsuha, he wasn't going to get in her way. Hey, he might even be able to pick up some tips; she seemed experienced enough. "This is Tatsuha. He's in Tokyo for a while. He's got tickets to the Nittle Grasper gig; he has connections to the keyboardist."

"Really?" Ayaka said, seemingly impressed. It was Shuichi's guess that she didn't know who or what Nittle Grasper was. "How long are you here for, Tatsuha?" She was good, Shuichi thought. He'd never have that confidence.

"A few weeks," Tatsuha replied. "It's pretty hectic, but I've been meaning to go to some clubs, I'll have to find a date. I'll need to find someone to show me the best places too. Shu here is pretty useless." Shuichi bristled, Tatsuha did even know him.

"Don't say that Tatsuha! You loved the place I took you to," Shuichi said snidely, glaring at him.

"There were too many gay people." Tatsuha replied. Ayaka laughed.

"I'll take you somewhere. Just give me a call. Shuichi has my department's number." She bade them goodbye, and went back to her department. Shuichi rolled his eyes. They were both so obvious. No lasting relationship there.

Shuichi signed out of the hospital and ran after Tatsuha to the car. They both got drenched and he was so glad that he wasn't walking home. He felt so happy – he was going to see Yuki again! Tatsuha seemed just as happy – he had scored with a nurse, and so much kinky fun could be found with that. They drove on in a content silence, each thinking about their lover (or lover to be) until a sudden curiosity dawned on Shuichi.

"Tatsuha…" he began, furrowing his brow. He hadn't thought about it before but Tatsuha looked _just _like Yuki. They could be twins.

"Hmm?" Tatsuha turned his head a fraction, keeping his eyes on the road.

"Are you and Yuki twins?" He asked innocently, simply wondering.

"No, no. I'm younger than him."

Shuichi nodded. "Oh yeah, that's right, I've heard you call him 'aniki'." He frowned again. "So you're the youngest?"

"Yep," he said, almost proudly. "I'm the afterthought… a.k.a the mistake." Shuichi cocked his head in confusion. "What?" Tatsuha laughed. "With the six year age difference between us what would you expect?" Shuichi choked on his saliva as he swallowed.

"Six – Si? Six years?" He spluttered. "That would make you…"

"Sixteen?"

Shuichi fainted.

* * *

**Another great response! I love you guys so much! (I'll post the next chapter very soon if I have enough requests – yes, this is a ploy for more reviews. Aren't I greedy? ;)**

**gravichick:** Woot, first reviewer! In answer to you question – wait and see… I like you Tohma idea! Aww, Shuichi is so cute in his Kuma suit. Didn't you find his cat look so gross-but-adorable in the anime? Thank you for reviewing!

**noonsam:** The plot does indeed thicken, I love thick plots. Unfortunately not much light is shed in this chapter, but suspense thickens plot nicely.

**Patpat**: I love Yoshiki too, (s)he is so funny in the manga with her ideas and general cluelessness. No worries about Rage, I despise her with a passion. How can you hate Riku? Wah, he's so cute. I'm sorry about exposing Riku, but the fic is AU, so maybe they'll assume he's an own character? Lol. Hmm, maybe I can fit a jealous Yuki into the picture, I don't think I've used that idea… thanks! AND NO WAY IS TAKI'S HARRASSMENT LOVE! I am not a fan of TakixShuichi or Shuichi being raped by Taki. It's boring in an AU fic. Its hardly AU if it happened in the anime/manga. LOL! Martial arts Shuichi is really funny – it'd make a real good AU: Shuichi, The Karate Kid 3 (If you've seen the first two films – its complete crap).

**XxTypoMasterxX:** Yay, a Riku lover! Isn't he the cutest?

**Loveless19:** (As I giggle maniacally) Yes, HiroShu with marriage combined is the shit! Thank you for your review, and here's another update for you!

**Stoic-Genius:** Wow, your review rocked! You really make me want to write a ShuichiHiro fic – there aren't enough dammit! Squeal, I really want to send you the chapter where Yuki meets Riku! I was actually going to have Ryuichi go to Sato Hospital (you saw K right?) but I had a better idea. You always guess pretty accurately about how I perceive Yuki and Shuichi, it's creepy dammit! And I'm glad that someone else feels how I do about the anime. I loved it, but the manga beats it hands down. Eiri isn't very likable in the anime, and I think that if I hadn't read the manga he would be way OOC in this fic. These replies are so long!

**v.c.musette:** I'm starting to love my plans for Taki even more. I've sparked the curiosity of so many reviewers. I promise you that you will see how Yuki reacts to Hiro and Shuichi's relationship. That's going to be a fun chapter!

**xXCrimsonTearsXx:** THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! Your review made me so happy, and I think I might ask you about the American school system for research for my next fic. Thank you!!!

**LacunaMiyamoto**: You haven't killed yourself, have you? I sent you an email, don't die, PLEASE! Lol (unless you're dead, then I'm crying out loud!).

**Thank you to everybody reading my fic. I'm love the response I'm getting –You make me feel like I'm doing really well for a first fic! **

Revised on: 23rd Feb 2008. Cheers, blaqksilence


	12. Chapter 12

Title: Regression

Chapter: 12

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation

Summary: AU When Yuki's sessions with his psychiatrist increase, he hates it. Can a certain pink haired receptionist change his mind?

* * *

Shuichi's eyes opened and he moaned. His head was throbbing and was so painful that his vision turned splotchy. Where was he? He squinted and his surroundings came into better focus. Ah, Yuki's house. Now, why was he here? "Yuki?" He called out; his voice sounded pathetic. He heard footsteps and he squinted up at the ceiling, waiting for the face to come into view. 

"So you're finally awake?" Yuki's face came into view, and he looked very unimpressed. "What a way to overreact, brat."

Ah yes, Tatsuha was 16. And he was having underage sex and was underage driving. And he had also appeared to have underage chauffeured Shuichi to Yuki's house. No wonder he had fainted, he wouldn't call _that_ an overreaction. He touched his head, feeling rough gauze, and then withdrew his hand quickly breathing in sharply. "Ouch…that hurts."

"I'm not surprised. My stupid brother left you to bleed until he got here instead of turning around and going back to the hospital. Don't worry though, I doubt that this will make you any worse than you already are – it might actually do you some good." Shuichi touched his head again and ran his fingers over what he assumed was a bandage by its texture and his new knowledge.

"Ouch," he said, this time referring to Yuki's remark. A smile spread over his face. "It was nice to be brought here though. That means that you have to look after me."

"Is that so?" Yuki asked coldly. "Why? Can't you walk?" Shuichi's face fell slightly.

"Well, I think I can, but it's a head injury…"

"Your head's fine. It dented more of my car than the car dented it," Yuki cut him off, speaking in a sour tone. Shuichi sat up quickly, immediately regretting it as his head began to pound and his vision blurred even more. His hands moved instinctively to hold his head, and he muttered a quiet 'ow'. He fell back weakly and closed his eyes.

"I'll pay for the damage Yuki. I'm sorry about your car; and for wasting your time. I'll get Hiro to pick me up." He struggled to sit up, more slowly this time, but Yuki pushed him back down, sighing wearily. _Stupid masochistic brat_.

"Forget the car; Tatsuha's paying for the damage since he was driving it." His voice was a suffering one and a small smile tugged at the corners of Shuichi's mouth. His voice turned gruff. "And since you can't even sit up, you can stay here. Call your friend when you can move instead of making yourself worse and bothering me."

"Thank you Yuki," Shuichi replied, yawning. He should sleep and get better so that he wouldn't bother Yuki. Resting was good for healing. "Goodnight."

Yuki 'hn'-ed a reply and left Shuichi to sleep, offering nothing for his headache. If the kid was a masochist, he was a sadist – no pain relief meant happiness for them both.

* * *

He'd overcome his temporary inability to write and hadn't stopped typing for almost three hours. He'd had breaks only to smoke and had now written three chapters of his novel. Having Shuichi over didn't distract him as much as he thought it would – in fact, it had done the opposite. He'd had the protagonist in his story sustain a head injury that had left her in a coma using the boy currently sleeping in his living room as inspiration. The injury tied in very nicely with the ending he had already drafted and he was extremely pleased with his work. 

Yuki raised his head and hunched his shoulders, relieving the tension in his neck with a click. It was time for another cigarette. He pulled his ashtray towards him and picked up his packet of cigarettes. There were only two left, so he'd have to let up a little on the smoking breaks. He pushed the ashtray away and decided on having coffee instead – if he couldn't have nicotine then caffeine was the next best thing.

As he walked through the living room he checked on Shuichi. His brow was furrowed slightly, but that could be because of a dream, not pain. Yuki's hand moved of its own accord to sweep some stray pink locks from the brat's face. It had grown a lot since he'd first seen him, and the fact that he'd noticed such a minor detail surprised him. Some of the women he'd seen more than once had had breast enlargements and he hadn't noticed a difference even when they told him.

Shuichi stirred slightly and opened his eyes. Yuki drew his hand back quickly even though he could see from the brat's unfocussed gaze that he wasn't properly awake. Shuichi's eyes closed again and Yuki continued to look at him. There was a pale brownish patch on the bandage where the blood was beginning to soak through. The bandage would have to be changed if the blood continued to soak through the gauze and Yuki wondered whether the injury was more serious than he had initially thought.

Yuki went through to the kitchen and made up a mug of coffee. His mind kept returning to Shuichi. Should he take him to the hospital or was he just making a fuss about nothing? There _was _a dent in his car made by the kid's head, but the cut had seemed shallow when he had cleaned the blood up. He didn't want to wake Shuichi and drag him to the hospital only to be told he would be fine.

Shuichi stirred again as Yuki passed him, but remained asleep. He'd been sleeping for a while now and Yuki hoped that he would sleep through the night – he didn't want the kid annoying him at four in the morning. He checked the bandage once more, but the patch hadn't darkened any more.

He sat back down in front of the laptop again and reread the last couple of lines he had written. He could have the protagonist wake up from her coma now, but what next? He'd built up enough suspense. He got up and walked over to the shelves and pulled out the plan he'd written up for the story. He ran his eyes over the middle of the story. He didn't like that idea anymore – it was old, had been done before. He growled and crossed it out. The coma idea had built up good suspense but now he'd have to re-plan what happens next.

"Yuki? Can I stay here for a while?" Yuki turned at the small tired voice of the short receptionist. The brat looked even more pathetic on his feet, so Yuki nodded. Shuichi sat down and slumped against the wall. Yuki's eyes flicked over to him, his concern increasing a fraction.

"If you're still tired you should sleep kid, not sit here." He said, forgetting his cigarette budget and lighting up. Shuichi shook his head; not registering that Yuki couldn't see him. When Yuki didn't hear a reply he turned around quickly. He was starting to lose his temper – was the kid even more stupid than he acted?

"I just want to stay with you. My head was hurting." He tilted his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. "It was too quiet in the living room. There's always noise where I live." Yuki grunted, not convinced at all that Shuichi should be sitting on the floor instead of sleeping on the couch.

"I'm finished here kid. You can sit here on your own if that's what you want; I'm going to have a shower." He saved his work and logged off his laptop. Shuichi scrambled to his feet, grimacing when he hit his head in his rush.

"Ow… that hurt. Yuki, wait, please. Can I sit outside the bathroom? I'll be quiet, I promise!" Shuichi spoke desperately. He was pissing Eiri off, who was getting closer and closer to losing his temper. Why was the brat being so clingy? It seemed now that he had been wrong to say that the bump would do him good. Yuki exhaled angrily and Shuichi cowered and pulled an even more plaintive expression.

"Come on brat. We're going to the hospital." Shuichi flinched and he shook his head desperately, ignoring the pain that came from the jerky movement.

"No, I'm fine. I couldn't put you to any more trouble. I'll… I'll go back to sleep." He turned and walked back to the living room. Yuki glared after him. He wished that instead of sending Tatsuha to Mika to suffer her scolding he had kept him here as a nurse to look after the kid. When he had decided to let Shuichi stay he had thought the kid would sleep and be gone the next morning.

Shuichi sat down on the sofa and pulled his uniform closer around him. It was cold now and he wanted the blanket he'd had last time. He shivered and lay back down, hunching up into a ball for warmth. He heard the shower start up in the bathroom and whimpered miserably, his eyes filling with tears. He didn't want to be by himself, he wanted to curl up next to Hiro in his lumpy old bed at their flat. As much as Yuki meant to him, he wasn't going to sleep by himself. When Yuki got out of the shower, he would talk to him.

Ten minutes later the shower shut off and silence fell around the apartment again. Shuichi shuddered; he hated the quiet. Another short while and the door opened, and Yuki walked down the corridor and into the kitchen to get himself a drink. Shuichi cleared his throat nervously. "Yuki…do you think maybe I could, well, sleep in your room tonight? Sometimes I can't sleep by myself." Eiri stared coldly at him, and Shuichi shrank back.

Shuichi had him cornered and he hated it. "No, you can't sleep in my room. Why would you even ask?" Eiri questioned him acrimoniously. Shuichi's eyes stung and he felt the too-familiar warm liquid fill his eyes. The tears brimmed over and spilled down his cheeks and the kid began to bawl loudly, taking Eiri aback. Flustered, Eiri quickly uttered a 'shut it' for silence. Shuichi (thankfully) obeyed, toning down from the wails to hiccoughing and sniveling. _What the hell had he gotten himself into? _"_Fine_. Fine. You can sleep _on the_ _floor_."

"Really?" Shuichi asked waveringly. He rubbed his eyes and drew in a deep shaky breath and then smiled a bright (albeit watery) smile, convincing Eiri that his bawling had all been an act that he'd been suckered into. He was getting way too soft for his liking and he growled, disgusted. Shuichi stepped towards him and hugged him fearlessly, seeing the older man's anger but choosing to confront it. He snuffled slightly into Yuki's shirt. "Thank you Yuki." Yuki pushed him away roughly, but Shuichi didn't care. Yuki had done enough for him today and he was so grateful.

Eiri silently fumed. Shuichi could manipulate him so easily, it seemed. Too many times, he decided, had Shuichi made him do something he wouldn't usually do for anyone.

Shuichi followed him down the corridor to the master bedroom, keeping at what he considered a safe distance from Yuki. He knew about pushing people to get what he wanted well. He knew the consequences of pushing people to get what he wanted even better. He stood quietly just inside the doorway as Yuki threw a futon, pillow and blanket on the floor. Shuichi took Yuki's glare in his direction as his cue to take over and moved over to sort out his bedding.

Shuichi unrolled the futon and threw his pillow and blanket onto the futon and Yuki left him alone, leaving a shirt and boxers on his bed for him to wear. Shuichi got dressed out of his uniform and flopped down onto the futon. He decided not to follow Yuki but to wait for him to return. His head was still throbbing painfully, but he felt a lot better knowing that he wouldn't be alone.

* * *

When Eiri decided that he was sufficiently calm enough to return to the bedroom (two beers and his last cigarette later) he found that Shuichi had dozed off, snoring softly and clutching the pillowcase of his pillow tightly in one hand. His hair was spread out like a pink halo around his head, accentuating his innocent features. His eyes opened when Eiri crossed the room to turn on the lamp and he mumbled something, rubbing his eyes. He sat up and Eiri bit back a growl of frustration. _How many more times would he be waking up?_

"Goodnight Yuki, sleep tight." Shuichi's voice came out drowsy, suggesting that he would return to the realm of sleep as soon as his head his the pillow.

"Goodnight," Eiri replied monotonously. It wasn't likely that Shuichi would remember such a trivial detail in the morning anyway, after the day he'd had.

* * *

**Thanks again for the wonderful response, this is probably the fluffiest chapter in this fic, lol. **

**I know I said I might double post – I have no idea what happened to that, hehehe. Sorry ;**

**A huge thank you to xXCrimsonTearsXx (first review), XxTypoMasterxX, Loveless19 (I totally agree with you), Patpat, v.c.musette, Stoic-Genius (I have already started my HiroShu fic!), gravichick (his hair is pink and his eyes are green in this fic, but I've never mentioned his eye color) and last but not least, Lacuna Miyamoto (angst coming up next chapter or so. Haven't you got my email? ******

Revised on: 23rd February 2008. My beta rocks!


	13. Chapter 13

Title: Regression

Chapter: 13

Disclaimer: Don't own it

Summary: AU When Yuki's sessions with his psychiatrist increase, he hates it. Can a certain pink haired receptionist change his mind?

* * *

"Good morning?" Shuichi walked up to the large desk of the children's home, smiling nervously at the cool-looking women behind it. "I was sent here to see a Yoshiki – I didn't catch her surname." One of the women smiled confidently back at him, nodding her head, completely unfazed by his pink hair (today he was in normal clothes).

"Kitazawa Yoshiki-san. You're volunteering, I gather?"

"That's right." Shuichi confirmed, peeking behind the desk and comparing it with his workspace. It was a lot bigger and the computer was a lot better.

"Okay, you'll just have to fill out this form, erm – sorry, I can't remember your name…" She looked professionally apologetic, and Shuichi stored the look in his mind for future use. Mouth slightly open… puzzled eyes…

"I didn't give it to you. Sorry. It's Shindou Shuichi." She repeated his name and nodded, and handed him a yellow form to fill in. He wrote up his name and details and handed it back to her. She glanced over it.

"All good, Shindou-san. If you'd just go up to the first floor and follow the signs to the... rainbow ward. Kitazawa-san's office is the first door along the rainbow ward's corridor. She should be in there, but if she's not just come back down and we'll find her for you. She's quite unpredictable." She smiled brightly once more and gave him a wave. He was on his way.

He took the stairs up to the first floor. The walls of the stairwell were covered with children's drawings of faces, animals and grassy landscapes with fluffy clouds or a smiley sun. It was so cute, Shuichi thought to himself. He paused to look at them, reading some of the names of the children. One picture was framed and immediately caught his eye – two angels by a Kitazawa Riku. _Yoshiki's son?_ Shuichi thought briefly, but Kitazawa wasn't an uncommon name, so it was likely that they just shared the same name. He moved on, reaching the top of the stairs.

"Shindou-san!" Somebody exclaimed, and Shuichi turned, startled. A thin, ash blond woman waved at him. Shuichi panicked when he didn't recognize her.

"Hello," he greeted her, cautiously.

"I'm Kitazawa Yoshiki. Nice to meet you." She smiled broadly, eyes crinkled in amusement.

"Kitazawa-san! Ah…hello! How did you know it was me?"

Yoshiki giggled and Shuichi felt completely at ease. If Yoshiki was who he'd be working with, it looked like he'd be having a lot of fun. "I was told to look out for somebody with pink hair. I thought you fitted the description. But enough small talk, time to work. I've got some kids for you to meet." She clapped her hands together, face serious and devoid of emotion, and then laughed. "Come on, we're going to meet…" she peered around and lowered her voice, "my favorite, first." She raised her voice again. "Rik-kun's such a character! You'll love him too, I know you will."

She led him through a few doors and then stopped, pointing at a painting of a rainbow. "This is how you know where you are. The kids did this, aren't they precious?" She laughed and didn't wait for him to reply, pushing open the last set of doors and dancing into the ward. Shuichi followed, unperturbed by her actions – Yoshiki was the best! She stopped at a door with the name 'Riku' painted on. "Here he is; my Rik-kun." She knocked twice and pushed open the door. Shuichi looked curiously into the room and spotted Riku, sitting on a chair by the window, staring at the world outside.

"Look Riku! You have a visitor! Shuichi's going to make sure you have lots of fun today. Isn't that brilliant?" Riku turned around to face them and Shuichi's heart melted. He was adorable. He watched Shuichi for a minute, who smiled winningly back at him and uttered a 'Hi there Riku'. At that, Riku slid off the chair and ran to Yoshiki, hugging her legs and staring timidly up at Shuichi. "Riku, don't be shy; Shuichi is a lot of fun! Look at his t-shirt Riku! He likes Nittle Grasper. I'll bet he knows loads about them." Shuichi looked at Yoshiki admiringly - she knew her stuff!

"Yeah Riku. I can sing their songs too. Wow, another fan! Who's your favorite?" Shuichi helped Yoshiki out. Riku let go of Yoshiki's leg, but remained where he was and silent. "I like Ryuichi, do you?" He tried to coax an answer out of Riku, but Riku just nodded. Good enough, he supposed.

"We're going to see the other children honey. Do you want to come along?" Riku nodded again and picked up a pair of shoes. He slipped them on and then looked up at Shuichi.

"What's up Riku?" Shuichi asked. He'd gathered that Riku couldn't or didn't want to talk but copied Yoshiki's way of speaking to him. Riku transferred his gaze to Yoshiki, who nodded encouragingly at him. He hung his head shyly and pointed at his shoelaces. "Oh, shoelaces. They're tricky, huh? I still have problems with mine. You should get Velcro, like my shoes." Shuichi pointed at his own shoes, then crouched down and tied Riku's laces. Riku looked up at him and Shuichi smiled widely back. "There you go. They're not too tight?" Riku shook his head and took Shuichi's hand, taking him by surprise.

Yoshiki beamed at him. "There you go Riku, didn't I tell you you'd like him? Shuichi's lovely, isn't he?" Riku nodded solemnly and Shuichi blushed under her praise and Riku's confirmation. Shuichi closed his hand around Riku's and grinned widely down at him.

"I didn't think I'd find such a good friend so quickly." Shuichi laughed. Riku stared up at him with doleful eyes, and Shuichi had to hold back the urge to squeal and crush him in a hug. Yoshiki grinned again at them and left the room, leaving Shuichi to lead Riku along and follow her.

By the time he reached the end of the corridor he was surrounded by kids, all of them shoving to hold onto him. He held on tight to Riku though, who didn't seem to be very included with the other children. Yoshiki opened a door at the end of the corridor and the children filed into a large room. Like the stairwell, this room's walls were covered in various children's drawings. It was painted sky blue, with a sun painted on the far left-hand corner of the ceiling. The children (minus Riku) flocked to the huge toy chest that stood by the back wall, forgetting instantly about their new friend Shuichi.

"Most of them have a very short attention span." Yoshiki told Shuichi. "They'll get bored in a minute and come back to find out what we'll be doing today." She ruffled Riku's hair. "We're going to play a few games, sing a few songs, and then they'll go to lunch. You can stay and help out at lunch if you want but you don't have to."

Shuichi nodded. "What kind of games?" He asked, looking down at Riku and wondering why he wasn't picking up a toy to play with like the other children.

"We'll play an introduction game so you know who they are, and then some games like Pirate Ship and Grandmother's Footsteps." Yoshiki frowned over at two of the children fighting over a doll with curly blond hair. "Just a minute Shuichi, I've got to sort out those kids." She smiled apologetically. Shuichi watched her before flopping down on the floor, now level with Riku.

"Don't you want to play with the toys? I'll play with you and the others if you want." Riku frowned at him and shook his head violently. "Okay, okay, if you don't want to you don't have to." Riku stared at him again, and rammed his thumb into his mouth, chewing on it with a thoughtful expression on his face. Shuichi turned his attention away from Riku and back to Yoshiki. She was telling the children to share and asking them if they knew about the king who said he'd cut a baby in half to share. The children seemed engrossed in the gore. "Do you know that story Riku?" Shuichi asked him absently, never having heard it himself. Riku nodded, thumb still in his mouth.

"Shuichi, Riku, come over here. We're going to tell everyone the story about the king." Yoshiki beckoned them over. The children were sitting around Yoshiki in a circle, staring intently at Shuichi. They all called him over, mimicking Yoshiki's beckoning action. He got up and walked over to them, sitting in a space that had been left for him. Riku stayed where he was. "Come on Riku." Yoshiki called him again, but the other children remained silent, not giving him the same attention they'd given Shuichi. A few giggled naughtily.

"Riku, come and sit with me." Shuichi called him too. "You can help me with the story." Riku looked uncertain and hunched up miserably. Yoshiki sighed resignedly.

"I'll take him back to his room. Will you take over for a bit Shuichi?" Shuichi nodded, feeling sorry for Riku. No wonder he hadn't played with the other children. As soon as Yoshiki was out of the room the rest of the children piled on top of him, giggling mischievously. Shuichi wrestled them off, laughing with them, and shushing them when they got too loud, reminding them that Yoshiki could be back at any minute. When she did return the kids giggled and stared at Shuichi, who shrugged his shoulders innocently. She looked cheerful, but he could see how strained her smiles were while she told them the story and they played Pirate Ship.

At lunchtime he helped the children cut their food and made sure they ate their vegetables, remembering fondly how his sister used to turn her nose up at her vegetables as well. Riku didn't come to lunch, so once everyone had been fed and sent to their rooms to get changed and ready to go out to the park he went to see him. He was sitting in his chair again, his thumb in his mouth. "Hi Riku." Shuichi said quietly, treading gingerly as he crossed the room to join him. "What are you looking at?"

Riku pointed across the road outside at an ordinary-looking row of shops. Shuichi couldn't fathom what interested Riku so much about the shops. He squinted, just in case he was missing something important. "Do you think you could tell me? I can't see anything. I'll keep it a secret if you want." Riku faced him and Shuichi held his breath. He didn't really expect Riku to talk to him, but hoped anyway. Riku turned back to the window again and Shuichi released the breath he was holding.

"Can I tell you a secret?" Shuichi asked him, staring at the shops, searching for whatever held Riku's gaze. "I was by myself, too, once. I had to look after my sister because my mum got sick. I didn't really want to talk to anyone either." Riku glanced at him, not sure whether to believe him. "And my dad left too. I don't know where he is." His throat tightened as it always did when he spoke of his past and he felt tears coming to his eyes. "I haven't seen my mum for a long, long time."

Yoshiki knocked on the door, startling Shuichi and Riku. "There you are! Would you like to come to the park with us Riku? Everybody's going, and we can get some ice cream afterwards."

"I love ice cream!" Shuichi said enthusiastically, forcing his sadness back. "So how about it Riku?"

Riku pulled his thumb out of his mouth and looked out of the window once more. He nodded, smiling shyly at Shuichi.

* * *

Leaving the Home later was hard. The children there had definitely won his heart, especially Riku. Yoshiki hadn't lied when she had called him a character – he'd thought she was going to implode when Riku had smiled at him. He hadn't said anything, but had clung to him like a limpet for the remainder of the day and Shuichi had been forced to promise that he would come back another weekend. It would be hard to keep him away, he'd told Yoshiki to squeals of delight from the children.

Now that he was home and away from the distractions of the Home, he felt upset. It was the usual after-effect of talking about his parents, and it had to be slept off. Hiro was out late again, and for the first time in a long while, Shuichi wasn't so bothered about being alone. He flopped down on his bed and tried not to think about the last time he'd seen his mother. It had been just under a year ago and he hadn't been able to summon up any courage to go again since then. Maiko hadn't been back either. He curled up in a tight ball of misery. The weather had turned outside and the wind was rattling the windowpanes, indicating that winter was fast approaching.

Shuichi heaved a huge sigh and shifted so that he could pull his duvet over his body, covering his head and enveloping him in semi-darkness. He enjoyed the calm it brought over him and exhaled again. He would have to see his mother soon; it wasn't fair on her or Maiko if he kept putting off his visits. He frowned and knuckled his forehead. He was getting a fever, another thing that was triggered by his parents. It would do him no good to think about it now. He closed his eyes and shifted again, yawning once before he fell asleep.

* * *

When Hiro got home, Shuichi was fast asleep with his duvet bunched messily around his feet. Hiro noticed the light pink that tinged his cheeks and touched his forehead. He wasn't too warm, but he upped the temperature on the thermostat and pulled the duvet back over his sleeping friend.

* * *

**Glossary of sorts:**

**Pirate Ship** – when you say 'Port' players run to the left, when you say 'Starboard' players run to the right (or the other way round, I can't remember). 'Man overboard!' means player finds a partner and clings to them, 'Bombs overhead!" players throw themselves on the floor and can't get up until 'all clear' is said. 'Submarine' means you lie on you back and stick one leg in the air. 'Swab the deck' – crouch and make scrubbing motion. 'Climb the rigging' – jog on the spot in a climbing motion. 'Captains coming' – shout "aye aye Cap'n". 'Captain's wife' shout "woooooooo!" Most people know this game, but I don't know if they play it in Japan…oh well, I owe this game for endless entertainment as a kid.

**Grandmother's Footsteps – **Tiptoe towards 'grandmother' (one of the players is chosen to be grandmother) and whenever grandmother turns around to face the other players they must freeze. Whoever doesn't freeze goes back to the beginning. Winner reaches grandmother first to tap her on the shoulder and then becomes grandmother in the next round.

'**King that cut the baby in half' – **King Solomon from the Bible. Most kids know this story: two women argue, saying that one baby belongs to them and ask Solomon to find out whose baby it is out of the two of them. He says he can't possibly know but that he will cut the baby in half and give the mothers a half each. One mother cries 'yes, good idea' and the other goes 'no, I'd rather she has the whole baby' and Solomon says that she is the real mother. There's no real sharing moral, it's just an interesting story that would have distracted the kids. I guess it would also make one kid give up the toy…I don't know…

Revised on: 23rd Feb 2008. Hugs to blaqksilence.


	14. Chapter 14

Title: Regression

Chapter: 14

Disclaimer: Don't worry Murakami-san, I am not stealing your manga.

Summary: AU When Yuki's sessions with his psychiatrist increase, he hates it. Can a certain pink haired receptionist change his mind?

**(A/N: Please see how this chapter turns out, when I started writing it I got so much 'BLANK!' in my brain that I wrote the word 'meh' about fifty times for inspiration. I also got really lazy about writing about the gig. So, how did this chapter work out?)**

* * *

Tatsuha unlocked his brother's front door and stepped gingerly into the flat. He was terrified of his brother having endured his threats for half an hour before running to Mika with his tail between his legs and then putting off returning for the last three days. He had been torturing himself with thoughts of Eiri waiting for him with a knife in hand. But he had to come back to pay for his damage and, more importantly, get his Nittle Grasper gear. Oh yes, and also pass on some news.

"Aniki?" He called out tentatively. He could hear the tap-tapping of the laptop keyboard from within the apartment, so knew that his brother was in. Receiving no answer as always, he walked down the corridor to the study. He pushed the door open to Eiri ignoring him and working. He'd calmed down, then. "I've got your money aniki. And aneki wanted me to pass on some news to you."

"What is it?" Eiri asked, preparing to hear a diet plan recommended by a nutritionist or a new medication on the market. Tatsuha ruffled his hair and leant back against the study wall, yawning. As his younger brother, Tatsuha could never resist teasing Eiri.

"Mika's two months pregnant." He told him. "Can you imagine her and Tohma…?" He shuddered melodramatically but dropped his act when he saw that his brother wasn't quite on joking terms with him yet. Praying briefly for strength to carry on he looked around the room and settled his eyes on the empty cans littering the room. He counted four beer cans. It was only one in the afternoon. "You know you should cut down, right? Mika was going on and on about you."

"She's always going on," Eiri replied dismissively, never looking at his brother. So Mika was pregnant? Poor kid. "What time are you going tonight?"

Tatsuha shrugged and tilted his head back. He was worried about his brother now. At twenty-two, he should be out, or working, or even at university, not at home typing up a best seller, drinking like an alcoholic and smoking like a chimney. He could (to some extent) understand why Mika fretted so much about him; it normally just got on his nerves and he told her to stop bothering him and talk to Tohma but staying with him this time, seeing him with Shuichi and paying attention properly to his habits had given him a Mika point of view on Eiri.

"Answer me, punk, before I start charging you rent as well." Eiri's irate voice jogged Tatsuha out of his Mika-induced Eiri-worries, and he jumped as his brain processed 'charging' and 'rent'.

"I told Shuichi to come over at six thirty, so he's coming straight from work. I called him from Mika's and he almost killed me over the phone for damaging his head but then he went all gay and started talking about you - " Catching sight of Eiri's face he cut off abruptly and held up his hands in an 'I come in peace' gesture. "So, basically, I think Hiro is going to meet him at the hospital and bring him here." He laughed nervously when Eiri continued to glare at him.

"When are you going back to the old man?" Eiri asked him, shaking a beer can hopefully. It was empty. That was just typical of his luck.

"It's about time you asked aniki. I was getting worried." Tatsuha slapped Eiri amicably on the back, receiving in return a hardback dictionary to his head in return. Aniki was very violent today. "I'll be gone in a few days, nii-san. Then you can have Shuichi over e-ve-ry day." Having no heavy item to hand, Eiri threw the offending empty beer can at his younger brother.

Silence fell over the room. Eiri was even less talkative than normally today, so Tatsuha left him to type and brood (and drink and smoke) in his study. He had to shower and get ready to see his darling Ryuichi-sama later on.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Hiro and Shuichi arrived at six-fifteen. Hiro arrived alone, introducing himself and explaining to Tatsuha (who had answered the door) that Shuichi was fixing his boots on the ground floor and would join them in a few minutes. Eiri was lying on the couch, leaving no sitting room, and they both regarded each other coolly. Hiro nodded his head in greeting, but Eiri made no effort to be polite and turned away from him, moodily throwing back the rest of his beer. Five minutes later Shuichi joined them, and not even Eiri could stop himself from gaping.

Shuichi was wearing a Nittle Grasper t-shirt (to show the world where he was going) with a hoodie thrown over it because of the cold. And also the shortest shorts and knee high boots. He was just asking to get dragged down an alleyway. Even Hiro, who was used to his friend's strange dress, had asked him earlier if he was sure about wearing what he was wearing to the gig.

"What's wrong with it?" He asked, whining loudly, looking completely crestfallen when he caught everybody's stares of shock.

"Nothing," Tatsuha replied quickly, before any more damage could be done or any comments could be made by his brother. He couldn't stop thinking about how much Shuichi looked like Ryuichi, which then led him to imagine Ryuichi in Shuichi's get up. Shuichi brightened up immediately.

"What do you think Yuki?" He looked over at Yuki, and realized to his horror that he hadn't said hello to him; he'd _ignored _him. How could he? How could he call himself Yuki's lover when he'd been so rude and cold towards him? He was in turmoil. He leapt onto Yuki, who hadn't expected this attack and let out a very uncharacteristic 'oof' as the personification of sex landed on him. Shuichi wrapped his arms around the novelist.

Tatsuha sniggered as Shuichi apologized multiple times and Eiri tried to push him off. Hiro hid a smirk; the smug bastard had been taken down a peg or two. When Shuichi released Yuki and sat up on his stomach with his hands on his chest for balance. Eiri tried to push him off again, but Shuichi had anchored himself onto his new, comfortable perch with his legs. "Ne, Yuki, why don't you come with us?"

"Get off me." Eiri growled at him, causing Shuichi to smile delightedly whilst the two spectators watched on, intrigued in the exchange. No one was ever so bold around Eiri.

"Yuuukkiii!" Shuichi whined, lying forward so that they were chest to chest. Eiri squirmed once more to get away – it seemed Shuichi wasn't quite the weakling he made out he was. He smiled coyly. "I'll get off you if you…" he looked around the room for inspiration, finding Tatsuha making out with his hand and giving him the thumbs up and Hiro covering his mouth to keep in his sniggers. It had to be something good – Tatsuha's idea was good, but he could have Yuki whenever he wanted (only he could never say that out loud). "Take me on a date somewhere! Oh Yuki! Take me somewhere really nice. You're famous and you could get us VIP tickets to somewhere or, or a meal in a really flashy restaurant. Please!" Everyone held their breath.

A stony silence fell over the couple, so Shuichi pulled his pathetic face again. Eiri stared coldly back at him, and then stood up, sending Shuichi to the floor. Initially, he hadn't wanted to be so brutal, but desperate times called for desperate measures, and he would never, _ever_ take Shuichi on a date. Shuichi began to whine the second his rump met the floor. "Yuuukkiii!" He wailed loudly and clung to Yuki's leg. "You're so mean to me!" Eiri looked disgusted and shook his head, regarding Shuichi as if he was a piece of unpleasantness stuck to his leg (which, he argued to himself, he was).

"I'll take you on a date Shuichi," Tatsuha piped up, "If you dress up like Ryuichi, I'll cosplay 'Yuki' for you." Shuichi and Eiri glared at him simultaneously.

* * *

Shuichi's boots were already beginning to pinch and hurt his feet and he wondered whether he would have to take them off later. Hiro had warned him that he would be on his feet for ages but he had waved it off; the boots were completely necessary for the Nittle Grasper concert. The trio was walking towards the stadium and they were still quite a distance away, so they hadn't encountered any fans yet. Night was already falling, bringing with it a chilly breeze that made Shuichi shove his hand into his hoodie pocket and hunch over for warmth. Hiro and Tatsuha were talking about their motorbikes and since he didn't know a thing about bikes, Shuichi kept quiet – which was what had brought his sore feet more to his attention.

Watching his two companions' conversation with little interest, he tried to estimate how long it would take for them to reach the stadium. Not more than five minutes, surely? He wiggled his toes as he walked – there was no doubt in his mind that he would have various blisters by the end of the night. Hiro shot him a knowing look out of the corner of his eye and he ducked his head with a grin, showing his friend that again he'd been right about something. He and Hiro often conversed in their own private sign language, so he was never left out of any conversation with Hiro.

After following a few more roads, the stadium came into view, surrounded by a huge jostling crowd of eager fans. Fireworks exploded in Shuichi's stomach and he clutched Hiro's arm, laughing giddily with excitement. Here it was: the day he'd been looking forward to all of his life. He was going to meet Ryuichi! Tatsuha seemed just as beside himself with excitement, but kept his cool and allowed himself a big grin. Hiro only raised his eyebrows at the crowd.

Shuichi ran ahead of Hiro and Tatsuha to join the queue the crowd was forming, pushing into the mass and joining in with the jostling to get a better place in the queue. He got sandwiched between a very fat person and an impossibly tall woman and lost sight of Hiro and Tatsuha. He found that he had to do very little now except move his feet - the fat and the tall pushed him all the way to the front of the queue. Hiro and Tatsuha joined him minutes later to angry shouts and complaints of pushing in and getting to the back of the line.

"What a load of fucking freaks," Hiro muttered murderously, glaring into the crowd.

Shuichi looked at him reproachfully. "They're just excited to see Ryuichi, Hiro," he said, as if that justified everything.

"There's a guy in there waving his gun around – but I guess he's just excited to see Ryuichi; of course." Hiro replied sarcastically. Shuichi's eyes widened and he looked around fearfully for the guy with the gun, but the queue moved and he was pushed along with it, stumbling. He turned back to face forward and prayed that there wouldn't be any trouble for Ryuichi.

But his worry was soon forgotten when he was taken to the front of the crowd to stand in front of the stage, along with the other VIPs. The noise in the stadium was deafening, with conversations and arguments amongst screams and squeals of fans. Shuichi didn't think he'd ever seen so many people in one place before – the arena was packed to bursting yet more people were joining the throng.

"Apparently this place can hold up to 20,000 people," Hiro shouted to Tatsuha and Shuichi over the noise, obviously as impressed by the number of people as Shuichi was. Shuichi looked around again in awe. Could there be 20,000 people in here?

The stream of people entering the arena lessened to a trickle and soon the lights were dimmed and the spotlights ceased their zigzagging over the crowd and were trained onto the stage. The noise lowered to a mumble before the loud cheer came. Shuichi felt tears well up in his eyes. This was it! He was mere inches from where Ryuichi would stand.

Somewhere on the stage a dry ice machine started up and the stage was covered in smoke – the day Shuichi had been waiting for all of his life was finally here.

* * *

Hiro and Tatsuha walked drunkenly up ahead as Shuichi hobbled a distance behind them. He had given up asking them to wait, they would do so and then forget and run or dance ahead, singing (badly) Nittle Grasper songs they particularly liked. The trio had taken advantage of the free booze backstage, and Tatsuha and Hiro had become extremely merry. Shuichi, on the other hand, felt miserable. Their voices were getting quieter and quieter as they got further and further away and Shuichi groaned angrily and tried to increase his speed. He really shouldn't have worn the boots and was seriously tempted to talk them off and walk barefoot. He would have done exactly that had it not been so fucking freezing!

"Psst! Shuichi!" A terrifyingly familiar voice called out to Shuichi, followed by Taki and a group of others. "We've been waiting for you. We saw you at the NG gig earlier and thought we'd meet you afterwards. It has gotten late though, hasn't it?" Shuichi hated that Taki sounded so friendly. "We know you've got work tomorrow, so we won't keep you. This meeting is purely business, anyway. How is your mother?" He bared his teeth and Shuichi's heart stopped. His mother?

"How do you know my mother?" He asked before he could stop himself.

"Oh, perhaps you didn't know of her business with us. Don't worry; I'll explain it to you. Your mother used to get her drugs from us. Unfortunately, she went AWOL on us without paying her debts. Now, what we want is for you to help us out, Shuichi. We're a bit low on money you see, and her payment would really help. How about you bring the money to us tomorrow after work, hmm? Here's her bill." He handed Shuichi a piece of paper, smiling mockingly and enjoying how he was scaring Shuichi by acting perfectly polite and pleasant. "Be there, or there'll be trouble, Shuichi."

* * *

Revised on: 23rd Feb 2008. Thank you, blaqksilence, my excellent beta!


	15. Chapter 15

Title: Regression

Chapter: 15

Disclaimer: Not mine and never will be…I'm getting sick of disclaiming, it makes me depressed

Summary: AU When Yuki's sessions with his psychiatrist increase, he hates it. Can a certain pink haired receptionist change his mind?

* * *

Shuichi wasn't sleeping very well. Since the Nittle Grasper gig, he'd been dog-tired all day, and wide awake all night. He dragged his sorry self into the Children's Home, pale as a ghost with dark circles under his eyes. Even his usually vibrant pink hair seemed dulled. The receptionist grinned sympathetically at him. "Good night last night?" She asked, assuming he had a hangover.

Shuichi chuckled dryly. "I wouldn't call it good," he told her, forcefully reminded of tossing and turning in his bed with his eyes wide open. When he had gotten out of bed that morning his hair was stuck up in every direction and his eyes were bloodshot. The receptionist gave him another sympathetic smile.

"Don't worry; the kids will soon cheer you up."

She was right about that. Shuichi had been looking forward to the weekend, hoping that the kids would wear him out so that his body would just shut down at night. They were his last resort before asking his doctor for sleeping pills.

Since Tuesday, he'd tried various different methods of getting to sleep. On Wednesday, he'd had a mug of hot chocolate and had ended up wide awake and needing to go to the toilet at various intervals during the night. On Thursday, he had tried leaving his eyes closed and counting sheep and had ended up counting sheep all night with his eyes closed. Yesterday, he had gone to see Yuki in hope of being 'worn out', but had been told he looked even more unattractive than usually and left crying in the living room while Yuki typed up his story. Yuki had been nice towards the end of the evening, by letting Shuichi talk to him over drinks that he had made and by driving him home with him sprawled out with his eyes closed in the backseat.

It took Shuichi three returns to the reception to find the rainbow ward – he kept missing the signs and his brain would not co-operate. When he finally found it, he was knocked to the floor by a group of three children. "Shuichi!" They squealed, clambering all over him. He gave them all the biggest grin he could, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. He stood up and led them back along the corridor to find out where they should be. He found a flustered Yoshiki with a child in the midst of a tantrum and she gave him the most grateful look he had ever seen.

"Could you take the children to the room we were in last week?" She asked him, turning away from the child for a second. "I'll join you as soon as I can."

"Sure," Shuichi told her, taking tow of the children who were with him by the hand and asking them to be his special helpers in getting the rest of the children into the room. They rushed off together and Shuichi went to collect Riku. He wondered if the little boy had spoken at all, quite sure of the answer. He found him at the same spot in his room as he was the week before, by the window.

"Hi Riku, are you ready to come and play in the games room?" He asked him. Riku turned around slowly to see who had entered his room, and then smiled when he saw it was Shuichi. He jumped down from his chair and ran over to hug his legs. Shuichi was more than a little surprised by this welcome. He smiled softly - this time it was genuine – and he was really glad that he had won the friendship of the special little boy. "Let's go, Rik-kun."

Riku held onto his hand as they went to join the children at the door to the room. Shuichi unbolted the door (the lock conveniently placed at the top of the door so that the children couldn't open it, nor lock anybody in) and let the children pour through the doorway. Riku stayed by his side, and Shuichi ushered him forward, assuring him that he was behind him.

He was so exhausted he just flopped down onto a frog-shaped beanbag and closed his eyes, leaving a puzzled Riku standing by. He cracked his eye open when Riku tapped his shoulder. "Don't worry Riku," he mumbled reassuringly, "Shu-kun is just sleepy."

Riku sat down by his side and watched the other children playing. Two of them were fighting again, and he wished he could tell Shuichi. Their loud voices bothered him – couldn't Shuichi hear? He tugged on Shuichi's sleeve and pointed out the children. Shuichi opened his eyes and smiled resignedly at Riku. "Ok, I get you, I'll do my job."

He stood and walked over to the children, squatting between them. "Hey, can't you play fairly?" He asked them, cocking his head to one side and looking at the two arguers. They were the same ones from the week before, he noticed, and he remembered how Yoshiki's story had stopped them fighting. "I always share my things," he boasted, "I wouldn't want to look like a mean, selfish person. Are you two selfish?"

The two, a boy and a girl, shook their heads solemnly in unison. The other children giggled, and Shuichi patted them both on the head. "No, I didn't think you were, two lovely kids like you." The children nodded this time, and all of a sudden the rest of the children were boasting about how much they had shared, their experiences ranging from real-life to completely unrealistic.

"That was well done," Yoshiki commented, sitting down next to Shuichi. The child she had been dealing with ran forward to join the rest of the children, her face still blotchy from crying but otherwise well. Riku had latched onto her the second she had entered the room and was now on her other side. Yoshiki examined Shuichi's face briefly. "You look tired."

"I am tired." He sighed quietly, waving at one of the children. He wasn't sure if it was because he was tired but the children seemed extra-energetic.

"Go home," Yoshiki said kindly, "I'll be ok. You won't be much good tired today – they're all excited because they've got entertainment coming in next week and we're going to the circus." She frowned suddenly and turned to Riku. "Riku! Don't hit me; you wait patiently until I'm finished talking to Shuichi!"

Shuichi peered at Riku strangely. Riku cast his eyes down and turned away resolutely – it looked as though he was angry. Shuichi opened his mouth to say something to cheer him, but Yoshiki shook her head. "Leave him," she mouthed, "he's been like this since last week."

* * *

Shuichi stayed until leaving time at the Home. He and Yoshiki decided to leave together, as they lived fairly close to each other, and found that they could catch the same bus home. He followed Yoshiki up to her office after saying goodbye to the children. She was pulling on a faded denim jacket and was locking up filing cabinets.

"I thought you lived here," Shuichi admitted sheepishly as she moved around.

"I wish," she said. "This place is like a five star hotel compared to the flat I live in." She put a key into one of the filing cabinets and then paused, turning to face Shuichi. "Do you think you're going to keep coming back here – to work?" She asked, quite hesitant as if she was afraid of his answer.

"I want to," Shuichi replied slowly, because he wasn't sure. "I love the children, and it's a job I like. Why?"

"Shuichi, I want to give you Riku's file for you to read. You shouldn't really be seeing it unless you work here permanently, but I've seen how well you work here, and with him. I think that – well, I hope that maybe if you knew more about him, you could really help him." She opened the cabinet, whilst Shuichi looked on, unsure of how to reply. She flicked through a few files and then pulled one out. "Don't show anybody – it's all confidential – just, read it and see what you think." Shuichi detected a note of – was it desperation in her voice? – and could only nod. She smiled gratefully, handed him the file, slammed the cabinet closed and locked it. "Let's go."

* * *

"So how was the Home?" Eiri disinterestedly asked Shuichi, who was now hunched up at the end of his sofa under the blue blanket he loved. In his rucksack by the door was Riku's file. Eiri's question took a while to register in Shuichi's mind, but when it did his eyes lit up and he sat up a little straighter.

"It was fun," Shuichi began to gush, but had to stop to yawn almost immediately. "And tiring," he added sheepishly, blushing slightly at how silly he must've looked. Eiri watched him carefully and 'hmm'-ed.

"You should take a day off if you're tired." He said to him. Shuichi's heart felt as if it were about to burst – Yuki was fussing over him! "You're no use to me if you fall asleep when you're doing something 'important'." Shuichi glared at him and pouted.

"You're so mean," he started, but couldn't muster any more energy to protest. He closed his eyes and slumped back into a more comfortable position.

Eiri wondered if Shuichi was ill. He'd been off since the Nittle Grasper concert, not acting like his normal tireless self and he hadn't put up that much of a fight when Yuki had denied him sex. Even his wails were quieter, and although that shouldn't have bothered him, he felt…he felt the way he had when Shuichi had hurt his head. "Yuki?" Shuichi's voice brought him back.

"What is it kid?"

"Why can't you sleep at night?" Yuki's head snapped towards him involuntarily. He hadn't been expecting that from Shuichi. Was that what the matter with him was? A little sleepless night and he was as limp and lifeless as a wet rag. Che, he was so pathetic, he thought bitterly, thinking of all the nights he endured, drinking, or smoking, or typing until his fingers were sore. Yet… why _did_ he stay awake?

"I don't sleep at night," Yuki corrected him, still searching for a reason and grasping upon the first one, "because I don't have enough time during the day." But his sleeping pills told Shuichi a different story, and he knew it. Shuichi let out the smallest of sighs, but Yuki still caught it. Why the hell did he take so much of a damn interest anyway?

"Yuki… is there anything that scares you?" Oh for the love of… Yuki died internally. How could Shuichi ask him that? "When I'm scared, I can't sleep Yuki." Shuichi continued in a little voice that told Yuki that he wanted to confess something. Eiri sat down on the sofa, trying to hide his exasperation, and Shuichi crawled over to him, dragging the blanket along with him. Once he was halfway across his lap he flopped down, resting his head on Yuki's thigh. Yuki reached out almost tentatively and touched Shuichi's hair. The kid trembled and opened his mouth. "I-"

The door opened and an angry-looking woman walked in. Shuichi sat up in fright, staring at her. She was wearing tight jeans, a clingy off-the-shoulder sweater and impossibly high heels. She sneered at Shuichi and Eiri. "So _this_ is your little toy boy, Eiri? Tatsuha let it slip today on the phone – he told me how he'd gone to see that pathetic band with your _boyfriend_. So, were you going to tell me, or were you just going to carry on secretly?" She paused to look at Shuichi properly and laughed harshly. "Jeez Eiri, where did you find him? The high school down the road?" Shuichi shrank back.

"So Tohma made copies of my house key again, Mika?" Eiri asked coolly, aware that Shuichi was jumping to conclusions. "It's still beyond me how he's still married to you." Shuichi sighed, glad that this scary lady was not Yuki's girlfriend. But…who was she? "Now, if you don't mind, I was busy. Get out."

Mika drew herself up, flushing with anger. "How could you keep this from me? We all worry so much about you and if you keep doing things _like this_," she spat venomously at Shuichi, "you'll just hurt yourself more. If you felt alone you could have called me or Tohma or Tatsuha." She shot Shuichi a look of pure hatred.

"Shuichi is the last person in the world who could hurt me," Eiri replied slowly, wishing that just this once something he said would actually register in her head. This was why he couldn't stand his sister - she never asked about how he felt, she just assumed. Mika smiled a maniacal smile that made her look out of her head with insanity.

"Oh, you love him, Eiri?" she asked hysterically, laughing wildly. "Just like you loved Kitazawa Yuki?" Her voice broke as angry tears spurted from her eyes and trickled down her face, and Shuichi watched on, feeling extremely uncomfortable and unable to follow what was going on. She regained some composure. "Well look what happened there Eiri! You-" Suddenly Eiri was in front of her and for a split second Shuichi thought he was going to hit her.

"Get out Mika," he said, using a dangerous voice that Shuichi recognized. The one that held enough poison to know that the person using it could kill you, but that had an edge of desperation that was easily missed. "Both of you. Get out!" Shuichi scrambled to his feet and hurried past Mika, grabbing his rucksack as he went. Mika followed after him.

"Well done, you stupid kid" she snarled at him, before pushing him with force he would not expect to find in a woman. He crashed into the corridor wall and stayed where he was until Mika was out of sight. He turned to look at Yuki's apartment door and wondered whether it would be safe to talk to him. After brief thought he chose not to, and returned home to read Riku's file.

* * *

**The debut of Mika – she shouldn't really be such a bitch, but she worked out that way. But what did you think?**

Revised on: 23rd Feb 2008. Love you, blaqksilence.


	16. Chapter 16

Title: Regression

Chapter: 16

Disclaimer: You'd think after 16 chapters it was mine…alas, it's not

Summary: AU When Yuki's sessions with his psychiatrist increase, he hates it. Can a certain pink haired receptionist change his mind?

* * *

At 7 o'clock the following morning, Hiro awoke to find his friend's bed empty and made. He got up to look for him and found him sitting at the kitchen table staring blankly at the bottle of milk with a bowl of cereal going soggy in front of him.

"Shuichi," he said gently, "you're not well. You should see a doctor. If you don't sleep you'll faint." Shuichi turned and faced him, the circles under his eyes darker and his face gaunt. As well as not sleeping, he had lost his appetite, eating enough to keep him standing and not much else. Hiro was more than a little worried now, but he couldn't think for the life of him what the matter could be. There were a million and one possibilities, but Hiro could not apply any of them successfully to the situation. He didn't know what to do, and he hated seeing his friend in trouble.

"I'm fine Hiro. I managed to sleep for a bit last night." He spoke truthfully enough, but 'a bit' was only sleeping for two or three hours before waking up. "I had to get up early anyway. I've got work at the Children's Home today." He thought of poor orphan Riku. He'd had it so hard; Shuichi should never complain about his life – it was nothing compared to the little boy's.

Riku's father had worked as a private tutor for Japanese students in America, earning as much money as he could to support his family for a while until he could get a job in his country. His final student had murdered him in a fit of rage and then committed suicide straight afterwards. Riku's mother had tried her best to look after herself and Riku, and had refused any help. She had worked nights in a factory, leaving Riku alone every night until he was four and a neighbour found out and threatened to report her. She had quit her job after thatF and a few days later Riku had walked into the bathroom and had found her, drowned in the bathtub. He had run to the neighbour and called her to help his mum, and those were the last words he had spoken to this date. Shuichi had cried multiple times reading the report, which went into a lot of the details, showing American newspaper clippings of his father's death and the small Japanese article covering his mother's suicide.

That report made his own life seem peachy in comparison.

* * *

"Shuichi," Yoshiki said flatly when she saw him, "go home and sleep. You're dead on your feet." Shuichi shook his head and smiled at her. He pulled the report out of his rucksack and handed it to her.

"I'm just having a few problems at home," he told her smoothly, using his best lying face, "so I'd rather be out working. I can still work with the kids, I'm honestly wide awake." Yoshiki frowned critically at him, but shrugged her shoulders. If he wanted to stay, it was up to him.

"Fine, but just to warn you, you'll have to go home if you're not working properly." Shuichi smiled gratefully, and leant against the wall, waiting for her to give him something to do. "Okay Shuichi-kun, today we will be cooking. The children are going to make their own lunch and pudding and we're going to help them. Of course, like we discussed yesterday, I am assigning you to be Riku's special helper. Oh!" She said suddenly, as if suddenly remembering something. "You're going to take Riku to visit his parents' graves today."

"What?" Shuichi asked, terrified at the prospect of having such a huge responsibility designated to him. "I haven't got any experience dealing with things like that Yoshiki! I won't know where to start!"

"You'll be fine," Yoshiki replied smoothly. "He's much the same when he visits them as he is here. Quiet." He smile dropped when she uttered the last word and Shuichi had to swallow down a lump in his throat.

* * *

Riku and Shuichi got off the bus at the stop opposite the cemetery. Shuichi's throat was dry from nerves, and Riku seemed more subdued than ever. Despite what Yoshiki had said earlier he did not feel 'fine'. He didn't know what to do and hadn't said a word to Riku since leaving the Home. He's palms started sweating now that he was so close. A nineteen year old boy should not be doing this, he thought, people that age should be sleeping off hangovers or out with friends.

Riku grabbed his hand and led him to the crossing. It made Shuichi sad to see how well Riku knew this place – he was so young, and he would remember these visits for the rest of his life. He couldn't imagine the turmoil the boy's mind must be in – at such a young age he mustn't be able to comprehend why he had no father or why his mother never came out of the bathroom… Shuichi blinked back tears and tightened his hand around Riku's.

"Riku, you're going to have to lead me, okay? I don't know where they are. Could you…could you do that?" It was so hard to keep the edge off his voice. He had to be strong and professional for Riku. Riku nodded and tugged him in the right direction.

There were a few others at the cemetery, and they all sported similar expressions. The memories of their deceased loved ones called forth, their grief that they could show at the cemetery… Shuichi had to wipe his eyes discreetly as he stepped past wives, father, friends and grandchildren, an endless list of friends and family. There was a tall man in an expensive looking overcoat standing ahead with his head bowed in front of a grave. He looked as if he belonged in a huge, empty mansion instead, without anybody close to him to care about, which made Shuichi wonder who he was visiting and he felt more tears come to his eyes. He was so lucky, so, so lucky…

Riku started to slow down a few metres away from the man and released Shuichi's hand. He walked slowly and carefully forward, and stopped next to the man. Riku looked up and smiled sadly at the man, and the corners of the man's mouth twitched in a mandatory polite smile in return. The man turned his head slowly, presumably looking for whoever was with the child and froze when he saw Shuichi. It was Yuki.

Shuichi stopped mid-step and he gasped, clearly more than surprised. "Yuki, what are you doing here?" He asked, his voice higher than normal.

"I could ask you the same thing," Yuki replied, as coldly as ever, but Shuichi could see the sadness in his eyes that he tried so hard to hide. He'd lost someone he really loved…

"I'm here with Riku here," he pointed at Riku, who was staring at the two gravestones. "He lost both of his parents." Yuki's eyes narrowed slightly, and he turned sharply to the child.

"Oh."

Was that all Yuki could say? Shuichi asked himself, but he stopped himself from pressing Yuki for more. He knew Yuki well enough to know that even if he was sympathetic, he wouldn't let a soul know. "Do you want to stay with Riku and me? We could take him back to the Home and then do something together afterwards. If you want." He braced himself for rejection.

"Yeah, I'm not busy." Yuki replied quietly. Surprised but glad, Shuichi smiled, and squatted down by Riku to look at the two graves.

"They're lovely. Was it you that set down the flowers?" Shuichi asked Riku, who nodded. Shuichi turned back to the grave, his forehead wrinkled as he prepared to read. "'To a wonderful wife, mother and friend, Kitazawa Hiromi; a kind, loving and wonderful human being. She will be greatly missed.'" Shuichi read aloud to himself, being a poor reader, not noticing Riku turning to listen intently to him. "'In memory of a beloved and an unselfish man. Kitazawa Yuki was an admirable father and a loving husband. May he rest in peace.'" Something struck him as familiar as he read out the second inscription. Deja-vu?

Although he didn't understand a lot of it, Riku was happy that somebody had finally read out the inscriptions. It wasn't much, but he felt that much closer to his mother, and to his father. He stood and walked forward to touch the gravestones, and when he did, he felt… as though he had finally done something important. He smiled at Yuki and Shuichi who were both looking at him, one curiously, one indifferently.

* * *

Once Yuki and Shuichi had left Riku back at the Home, Shuichi suggested they go to the park near Yuki's house. Yuki agreed and they walked through it. Since Yuki was in such a mellow mood, Shuichi risked linking arms with him, and was surprised again when Yuki let him without snapping. Just as Shuichi was about to press his luck further and kiss him, Yuki spoke.

"Shuichi," he began. Shuichi smiled inwardly, never getting enough of when Yuki said his name. "You said before that you wanted to help me; that you wanted to know me. Well, here." Shuichi unlinked his arm from Yuki's so that he could reach in his pocket for something. He handed Shuichi a photo. Shuichi took it, puzzled, and stared at it. There was a younger Eiri, probably no more 16 years old and another man, who looked familiar. Shuichi wondered if it was a celebrity.

"This is…you?" He said questioningly and Yuki nodded, lighting up a cigarette. "And…"

"The man with me?" Yuki finished for him, not looking at him. "I killed him." Shuichi's heart plummeted and he stiffened, shocked. Eiri continued, disregarding Shuichi's reaction. "When I was younger, I used to get teased about my hair and eyes, because I didn't look Japanese, so I started fighting, and drinking and smoking. And then my sister met Tohma, her husband, and he took me to America where he guessed I would fit in and where hopefully I would change the way I was. The man in the photo was my tutor, and I suppose… I fell in love with him." Shuichi gaped, incapable of doing anything. What the hell did that mean?

Shuichi looked down at the photo again, letting the information sink in. His heart was racing and he was finding it hard to breathe. Of course the man looked familiar. He'd been all over the news. He'd been all over Riku's report. He'd visited him today. Kitazawa Yuki. As it hit him he couldn't believe how long it had taken to realize who Kitazawa Yuki was. Riku's father, who had moved to _another country_ to make a good life for his wife and son.

Shuichi took a step back, his mind racing so that he had no control over what his body was doing. He shook all over as he stared at Yuki in horror. Riku, Yuki, Eiri. Images flashed through his head of each person. How could he have killed him? Did he do it in cold blood? Tohma, Tatsuha. Mika. They _knew_ all this. How the hell did they _feel?_ Yuki had moved to a different country to provide for his wife and son in Japan. What had Eiri done to Riku? He had indirectly destroyed a child's life. He had murdered a good person for what? Was it because he had fallen in love with a married man? Shuichi just couldn't comprehend it; something was crumbling inside him.

He turned away from Eiri and ran; running as fast as he could back home, to the only person in the world that had never let him down. He slipped and fell flat a few streets away from his flat, and he began to sob hysterically, barely able to catch his breath after running and choking on his sobs as he tried to inhale. An irrational fear that Taki would appear suddenly coursed through his body and he hauled himself to his feet, running from the Taki he believed was chasing him.

His legs threatened to give out under him when he reached the communal door to his flat, and he felt dizzy and weak after the sprint on adrenalin alone. He clung to the glass panels on the door and pressed the buzzer to his home frantically, gasping for breath and unable to stop crying. The intercom crackled and Hiro buzzed the door open without asking who it was. Since Shuichi was using the door to support himself, it swung open at the buzz and Shuichi fell again onto all fours. He scrambled up and through the door, half crawling, half stumbling as he tried to get up and he pounded on the door.

Hiro opened the door and Shuichi flung his arms around Hiro and bawled, crying so hard that he dribbled and his whole body heaved and wracked. Hiro dragged Shuichi across the room and sat him on the sofa. Once seated, Shuichi drew back to tell Hiro what had happened. For the second time that day, his heart plummeted. Through his tears he saw a slim, pretty girl with honey-colored hair. Maiko was perched on the edge of the sofa, her face tear streaked and red. In the split-second it took for Shuichi to guess what had happened, the sound of something breaking echoed in his ears and then he couldn't see.

"No!" he screamed, his face twisted in agony. "What's she doing here?" He asked over and over again, rocking and shivering as he yelled. Hiro tried to hold him as he started to scrabble at his face, neck and chest, trying to claw something out. Maiko turned pale as she watched her older brother go crazy lose control and she started to cry too, getting up to console him. Hiro told her to stay back as Shuichi lashed out at Hiro, moaning at him to get away, his eyes wild and unseeing. Hiro held onto his arms as best he could, but Shuichi squirmed and kicked. Hiro was far stronger than him though, and after a terrifying ten minutes, Shuichi's energy ran out and he fainted, covered in a layer of sweat.

Hiro laid Shuichi down carefully and went into the kitchen to get a damp cloth for Shuichi's forehead. Maiko, who had sat down on the floor when Hiro had told her to stay back, got up and crawled over to Shuichi. She stroked his wet bangs and started to cry again, and then she threw her arms around her sleeping brother, cradling his head. She didn't know what had upset him to begin with, but she wished so hard that she didn't have to be the bearer of more bad news for him. Hiro pulled her back slightly and put his arm around her, folding the damp cloth he held and mopping Shuichi's forehead.

"He's not in this state because he saw you Maiko, don't blame yourself." Hiro said, giving her a comforting squeeze. "He hasn't been sleeping for a while now. He was wound up when he arrived, you saw." Maiko hiccoughed and nodded, running her hand through Shuichi's hair. Hiro watched his small friend worriedly. "Can I leave you here with him? He's going to need some sleeping pills and energy drinks in case he can't face eating when he wakes up. He'll be out while I'm gone; you just need to watch him."

Maiko nodded, sitting down on the sofa and pulling her brother's head onto her lap.

* * *

**A threat: because I am so close to 100 reviews, please help me get there before the next update! I'm thinking of saying I won't update if you don't… am I that evil?**

**Thank you to everybody who review chapter 15 and favourited etc etc etc. **

Revised on: 23rd February 2008 and I am eternally grateful to blaqksilence.


	17. Chapter 17

Title: Regression

Chapter: 17

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story

Summary: AU When Yuki's sessions with his psychiatrist increase, he hates it. Can a certain pink haired receptionist change his mind?

* * *

Eiri had expected Shuichi to leave – he had wanted that, hadn't he? But…it felt wrong. He should have walked away, but instead he stood still, exactly where he was. He lit up another smoke and took a long drag, but he was doing everything mechanically, going through the motions, and he didn't get the satisfaction he usually got. Kitazawa… he would always get to him; always had gotten to him; and whether Kitazawa was alive or dead, that would never change.

He couldn't remember anything about killing Yuki; just finding him drunk in his flat. There were vague flashes of the other men and certain sounds he associated with that day, but aside from that, the whole day was a complete blank. He supposed he should be thankful that his memories had been repressed – Sachiko had explained his lack of memory for that day as self-induced repression –it had worked out so much better for Tohma as he covered up the murder and had saved him a lot of pain; pain that he was feeling a little of now.

Stubbing out his cigarette, he walked slowly to the nearest park bench, pulling his coat more tightly around him. He wasn't ready to go home yet. There was something daunting about facing the silence within those walls.

Winter was well and truly in Tokyo; and early too. He was distantly thankful, feeling much more at home in the cold, dreary winter than in the hot summer surrounded by thousands of happy people. As that gratitude passed through his mind, something twisted inside him – and Shuichi wandered into his mind, smiling and laughing.

Staring straight ahead, his face blank and unreadable as a mask, the mask Eiri had been perfecting for years, he focused on the space ahead of him and forced all thoughts back. Now was a good time to go home.

He stood and looked once at the spot where Shuichi had stood, and he remembered how he had stumbled away, tripping over his own feet in his desperation to get as far away from him as he possibly could.

* * *

Shuichi awoke to a cool hand on his forehead. He felt shaky and tired, and tried to drift back into sleep.

"…fever, he always gets like that when he thinks about your mum." That was Hiro. And he'd said something about his mum. Shuichi opened his eyes and tried to sit up, failing when his arm couldn't support his weight and his head spun. Someone had their arm around him in an instant and he was propped up against the back of the sofa. "Drink this," Hiro ordered, holding a bottle up to his lips. He tried to take it, but his arms still wouldn't move properly, and felt tingly and separate from his body. He allowed Hiro to pour some fizzy liquid into his mouth. He had never felt so weak before in his life.

His eyes were completely unfocused no matter how much he tried to take in his surroundings. Somebody was brushing his hair off his face, and not knowing who it was made him feel nervous. His t-shirt was damp and was sticking to him. He felt extremely uncomfortable. He squirmed and Hiro took the bottle away. "What's going on?" He asked Hiro, trying not to panic – Hiro would be looking after him, he shouldn't be afraid. "Am I sick?" He really wished that the person beside him would stop clutching his arm so tightly. It was beginning to hurt.

"You fainted Shuichi," Hiro replied, sitting on his other side. Shuichi tilted towards him so that he could lean against his friend and his body followed his tilt, slumping floppily. Hiro squeezed his hand reassuringly, pulling him into a more comfortable position.

"What did you say about my mum?" Shuichi asked, feeling very groggy all of a sudden and very warm and sleepy. Hiro tensed beside him and Shuichi tried again to sit up, panicking. "Hiro?" He demanded with as much force as he could.

Unknown to Shuichi, Hiro and Maiko exchanged glances. Maiko indicated to Hiro that she would take over. "Mum's sick, nii-chan, but don't worry," she bit her lip, and then blinked back tears. "She'll be fine." Her chest tightened and she breathed in deeply, but as quietly as she could. Shuichi looked anguished, reacting as he always did to news on his mother. He had reason to though, after what he had endured for her. Luckily though, for him and Hiro and Maiko, the sleeping pills Hiro had bought and dissolved in the energy drink were doing their job as quickly as the box claimed they would, and Shuichi was struggling to stay conscious.

"What's the matter with her?" He asked. Hiro just pulled his head onto his shoulder and Maiko cuddled his arm. Shuichi panicked a bit more and struggled to get away from them. They just held onto him, ignoring his feeble struggles. He felt Maiko quiver and Hiro's body tense and relax. He yawned involuntarily and he ceased his struggle. Soon, his eyes closed and he drifted out of consciousness.

Maiko stared unseeingly at her brother. "We should've told him." She hated lying, especially to Shuichi.

Hiro shook his head and reached out to touch her head to comfort her. "It would've been just like last time. He'll understand when he gets stronger." Hiro was right, but she didn't feel any better. Maiko let out a strangled sob and immediately covered her mouth, checking to make Shuichi was still asleep. "Maiko…" Hiro started.

Maiko shook her head, some stray tears flying. "I'm fine. It's just… Shuichi did so much for mum, and she still ended up in hospital after everything. We haven't seen her for so long and now…" Her throat tightened and she stopped talking, concentrating on pushing back the tears.

"She was looked after at the hospital. Shuichi shouldn't have had to deal with that at his age, and you know that things could have been much, much worse if she hadn't been taken away." Maiko nodded her tears unstoppable. Shuichi attracted bad things like a magnet, and she wished she knew what had reduced him to those gut-wrenching sobs and kept him awake for nights on end.

* * *

As Eiri typed, his ears strained. He'd heard noises multiple times now. He'd heard the door open, he'd heard the TV turn on, and he'd heard Nittle Grasper songs. He'd dismissed most, but had checked a few times. It wasn't Shuichi's absence from his life though, he'd been drinking. That's why everything he'd written was a load of poor quality drivel. He just couldn't summon an interest in his work.

He sat typing for five more minutes and then turned off his laptop and went to shower. He stood in the shower stall, with the water at its highest temperature. So much was bubbling inside of him. The pent up anger, his viciousness and hostility towards others, his sadness; it was all there, locked inside. He slammed his fist against the white tiled wall of the shower stall. He had not worked on his mask for six years for it to crumble now.

He left the bathroom, stoic and composed as always.

He walked slowly down the corridor to the sitting room and sat on the sofa, and there sat the blue blanket, folded neatly, waiting to be packed away or used again. It's the one Shuichi always used. It's the one Shuichi always used. It looked as if Shuichi was about to hammer on his door and announce that he was 'sleeping over'. Eiri actually scoffed – noticing these things – he was acting like one of his pathetic characters. Shuichi, Shuichi, Shuichi, Shuichi, Shuichi.

He sat down and leant back, closing his eyes. Not to sleep; he usually couldn't sleep without his medication, and he felt more restless than ever today, since he had let yet one more person know that he was a murderer. Murder, kill, assassinate, exterminate – as he thought of the many synonyms Eiri laughed bitterly. That was what it was, despite anything Tohma said – he had shot Yuki with every intention of killing him; and no psychiatry, excuses, cover stories or pink haired lovers could ever change that or make it any less painful.

_A bottle rolled across the hard floor; the sound magnified tenfold in the dark flat_. Eiri opened his eyes. Ah yes, to let his mind drift was dangerous, especially in these circumstances. He shouldn't have told Shuichi; he should have foreseen the side effects. Curses, he thought lazily, finding his situation quite amusing for some bizarre reason and letting a chuckle escape him. He fell silent and listened hard and heard nothing. Nobody was with him. He was alone.

He wanted to drink some more.

The fridge was empty, save for a small number of edible items that would serve him should he get hungry, but Eiri had a few multi-packs somewhere. They'd be warm, but beggars cannot be choosers and as long as they were alcoholic, Eiri would not complain. He went to the cupboard and opened it, finding his multi-pack. He pulled it out and stared at the note stuck to it.

_Don't drink too much, Yuki! _

Shuichi had written it. Eiri peeled the pink post-it off the cardboard and looked at the note, feeling so indescribably _bad._ His hand closed on the note, scrunching it into a ball, and he dropped it in the bin. He opened the six-pack and put the beer in the fridge. He wasn't going to drink warm beer; he wasn't that desperate for a drink.

* * *

Much later, Hiro picked Shuichi up and carried him to his bed. Maiko had fallen asleep on the sofa, but Hiro woke her and told her to sleep in Shuichi's bed, whilst he took the couch. Shuichi stirred as Hiro lifted him, and for just a split second Hiro saw how much Shuichi was hurting before his eyes fluttered closed again and he began to snore softly.

As he lay on the lumpy old couch, he heard Maiko toss and turn in Shuichi's bed and there was the odd sniffle as, he supposed, she cried herself to sleep. The three of them had known this day would come eventually, it was inevitable, but… everything had been going so well lately. Shuichi had always been quite cheerful and loud, but nowadays he had been calmer and more genuinely happy than cheerful. He'd really enjoyed working at the hospital and the Children's Home and now… Hiro couldn't see Shuichi doing anything anymore. And Maiko had her exams coming up, Shuichi would take her failing worse than she would, blaming himself.

Eventually, even Maiko fell silent and Hiro still remained wide awake. He was furious at Shuichi's father, for leaving Shuichi alone to deal with his distraught mother and three-year-old sister. It was his fault that Shuichi's mother was laying in hospital, possibly breathing her last breath. It was his fault that Shuichi had cracked. It was his fault Maiko was living so far away from her brother.

Hiro had never met Shuichi's father, having only recently befriended Shuichi when he left; but hearing Shuichi cry every lunchtime for the first term of elementary school had given him a loathing for the man. At the age of six, Shuichi had been left looking after his three-year-old sister and trying his hardest to help his mother. As he got older he did more and more, and his mother did less and less, staying at home in bed most days instead of going to work. Soon, at eight years old, he would pick Maiko up from kindergarten, cook dinner, tidy up and do his homework, often going to bed past midnight. His mum would get home from work at six, eat, bathe and lock herself up in her room. She wouldn't be seen again until breakfast the next day, if she woke up, that is.

Things started to go further downhill when Shuichi turned thirteen, and his mother lost her job and couldn't find another. She stayed at home the whole time and Shuichi did all he could to keep them living on the money he and Maiko got from the government due to their father leaving. His mother kept getting sick, and Shuichi couldn't get her medicine so she often stayed in her bedroom with a high temperature and coughs and a sore throat. On one of the few times Hiro had seen her, he had asked Shuichi what the matter with his mum was to which he had replied that she had a cold. And he, Hiro, the son of a doctor, had believed him.

And he blamed himself sometimes. Maybe if he had seen the signs Shuichi would still have his mother and sister.

* * *

**I'm feeling festive – Merry Christmas (or happy holidays if you're not a Christmas person). **

Revised on: 23rd Feb 2008. Kisses to blaqksilence – some of my mistakes made me laugh.


	18. Chapter 18

Title: Regression

Chapter: 18

Disclaimer: Not mine…

Summary: AU When Yuki's sessions with his psychiatrist increase, he hates it. Can a certain pink haired receptionist change his mind?

* * *

"Shuichi, you are not leaving until you eat," Maiko said firmly, pushing Shuichi's bowl of cereal towards him. Shuichi growled and muttered under his breath but forced a spoonful of the disgusting mush in his mouth. Hiro smiled sympathetically at him, but Shuichi just gave him the dirtiest look he could muster. How dare Hiro keep him from visiting his mother? Or Maiko – who had look after whom? "You're not going to see mum if you're just going to collapse again Shuichi-nii-san. Don't be stupid."

"'Don't be stupid'" Shuichi mimicked snottily, picking up his bowl to go and eat in the bathroom, away from the traitors. He slammed the door shut and sat down on the toilet seat.

As soon as the door slammed shut, Maiko's face crumpled and she held onto the kitchen counter, tears already spilling over. Not because of Shuichi's nastiness - he was bad-tempered with reason - but because neither she nor Hiro had told him the real story about his mother yet. Hiro looked at her worriedly; although he was admittedly more worried that Shuichi would hear her than actually for her. Maiko, she could cope, Shuichi… he was a different case. Maiko breathed in deeply, trying to calm herself down, scrubbing ferociously at her eyes in the same way her brother did when he tried to be brave. That did nothing to stem the flow of her tears, so Hiro decided to intervene.

"How about we go for a walk? Shuichi will be okay by himself for a bit." His eyes crinkled up in his best smile for Maiko. He _was_ fond of her, having helped Shuichi to baby-sit her various times in the past, and he didn't like seeing his 'little sister' so miserable – he was hoping that a walk would help her stay strong. She accepted his invitation gratefully, needing to leave the small flat.

When Shuichi heard the door close he left the bathroom and threw his cereal away. His stomach lurched dangerously when he heard the splat the mush made when it connected with the bottom of the bin. He shuddered with nausea and he clapped his hand over his mouth, just in case. He was alone at last – away from Maiko's mothering and Hiro's constant concerned and sympathetic looks. He hadn't told either of them about Yuki. His stomach lurched again and he ran back into the bathroom, throwing up the little cereal he had managed to eat and a lot of liquid – the milky tea he had been forced to down and energy drink. His throat burned and tears streamed down his face.

He stood shakily and looked in the mirror. He looked terrible – ugly, with bags under his eyes, hideous, with messy hair, repelling, with very prominent cheekbones. He stood on the old bathroom scales - extremely inaccurate - and found that he had lost (very roughly) two kilos. He lifted up his t-shirt and stared sideways on at his ribs and concave stomach. His pelvic bones jutted out more than ever.

* * *

Eiri opened his eyes at 8 o'clock that morning. He hadn't slept; but when did he ever sleep anyway? He sat up in bed, shivering when the duvet slipped down, exposing his chest to the morning cold. He reached over for the shirt he'd left on the end of his bed and pulled it on without bothering to do up the buttons.

He skipped breakfast in favour of chain-smoking in the living room in front of the morning news report. The blanket still hadn't been put away. How troublesome. He'd do it later. He stroked the fabric idly, thinking of different ways to pass the day. He had three equally appealing options: work, smoke or drink. Was he that pathetic that he did nothing other than those three things? At least with Shuichi around he could add 'have sex with Shuichi', or 'be horrible to Shuichi', or – no, Shuichi had never been in his list of things to do. Thinking like that was just as dangerous as letting his mind wander. He might even come to regret pushing the kid away.

He moved his hand quickly away from the blanket, not wishing to have contact with Shindou.

He wished now, for the first time ever, that he could see Sachiko. He needed to talk through his brief – could he call it a relationship? –_ time_ with Shuichi. He couldn't do that, though; Shuichi would lose his job for abusing the employee-client trust. Gay, straight, bi – he wouldn't be excepted because he and Eiri were men – to have him lose his job would be cruel, even by his standards.

This would be another issue to hide away. Except…

Now, going to type some more, he realized how dull his life was. Up until the Kitazawa incident, he had been fairly… content. Now what? His life was filled with the same things – cyclic - a rotation of those three things and his visits to Sato hospital. His first few months back in Japan had been awful. He had seen various psychiatrists and had been sick constantly with stress and trauma from the murder. After that, he had started writing. He wrote pages and pages, stopping only if he had to. And then he had his work published, became old enough to buy alcohol and cigarettes and grew comfortable with the things he liked – smoking, drinking and writing. He was stuck, he realized, until Shuichi had broken the cycle just a little to try to squeeze in. For a little while, his life had changed direction.

He wasn't sure he wanted to lock Shuichi away inside him with all of the other bad things. Shuichi hadn't been bad to or for him.

So even though he had turned away from alcohol yesterday, he had smoked an awful lot just now. That wasn't progress. Even though he had allowed himself to feel just a fraction fond of Shuichi, he had pushed him back. That wasn't progress either. Even though he had found something other than writing, smoking and drinking, he had turned his nose up at it, preferring to stick with what he knew, as it were. Ultimately, he hadn't made any progress at all. He had stayed the same. Sachiko was wrong.

He hadn't regressed. He had just stopped. He was stuck in a rut with no one to help him out. He had everyone so far away from him, they couldn't hear his cries for help. His life was at a stand still.

Shindou Shuichi and Kitazawa Yuki.

Shuichi was so carefree. He and Eiri were polar opposites. Whilst Eiri didn't deny that there was more to Shuichi than met the eye, Shuichi was not the type of person who came with 'baggage' from their past. Shuichi was friendly and outgoing. Eiri preferred not to socialize, and though he wasn't shy, he was very introverted.

Yuki had been very caring. Eiri had fallen for him because he was the first person outside of the family to accept him so easily and to treat him like a friend. Yuki had had a lot of 'baggage', what with leaving his pregnant wife in Japan and his secret drinking problem. There was probably so much more to him that Eiri couldn't even begin to fathom. He was a rapist. He was crazy. But, Eiri had no grounds to accuse him of anything. Eiri had been a juvenile delinquent, he had a problem with drinking and, hadn't he forced himself on Shuichi once? 'Rape prowess' Shuichi had called him. That didn't even make sense.

What was the use in dwelling on this though? Shuichi was gone and it would make no difference to that fact whether he thought over it or not. If he had really wanted to help, as he had claimed, he would have stood by him and ignored his past, regardless of whether he was looking after the orphan whose father was the man he killed or not.

* * *

After an agonizing day under house arrest by Maiko and Hiro, Shuichi was finally allowed to see his mother. He wanted to see her badly: he missed her terribly and loved her very much, but at the same time he wanted to continue carrying out his happy little life as an air-headed receptionist, all shallow thoughts and as easy to read as an open book. He could easily kid himself in this life that his mother didn't exist and therefore did so, but then when she was dragged into his make-believe perfect life, it brought him back to earth with a none-too-gentle and very painful bump.

Maiko woke them all the next day at eight o'clock and they rotated around the flat – one would eat, one would shower, one would choose clothes/brush hair etc. By nine o'clock they were ready to leave. Shuichi wore a hat, in case his mum disapproved of his dyed hair, and the smartest clothes he could find – a polo shirt and a pair of normal looking jeans. Maiko was in smart clothes too, though her attire was much more formal than Shuichi's due to her clothing budget being almost quadruple the size of his. Hiro had made a bit of an effort too, donning a blazer instead of his usually leather jacket, but he stayed in jeans to keep Shuichi company.

Maiko was sick with nerves. 'Tell him now; tell him before he sees her for himself!' Her mind screamed at her. Her stomach turned summersaults every time she looked at him. The whole while she sat on the bus she clenched and unclenched her clammy hands. Hiro looked much calmer, but he sat rigidly, so she knew he was experiencing the same turmoil she was. Sometimes she would get as far as to open her mouth, but the words never came out and she just ended up attracting some very odd looks with her unintentional goldfish impression. Had the situation been different, the two boys would have poked fun at her and they would have had a laugh. Today though, everybody was much too preoccupied with their own thoughts to notice anything at all.

The hospital where their mother resided was outside of Tokyo, near Shuichi and Maiko's old home and the journey normally took ages. However, the desperation for more time to make excuses or more opportunities to tell Shuichi the truth made the journey fly by for Maiko. The same couldn't be said for Shuichi; he had fidgeted the whole way. Shuichi all but ran off the bus whilst Maiko hung back reluctantly to confer with Hiro.

"Hiro, we have to tell him _now_," she hissed urgently, not wanting to be overheard. Hiro was very pale, she noticed. He opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by Shuichi's impatient yells from the bus stop for them to hurry up. Maiko's stomach turned over and she squeezed her eyes shut, willing her breakfast to stay put. Maiko stared at him pleadingly. _Do it now before it's too late!_

Unfortunately Hiro was thinking exactly the same thing. They both kept quiet, praying that one would crack so that the other would not be the one to break the news to Shuichi. If Shuichi noticed their silence, he said nothing, walking determinedly and steadily through the hospital he went to rarely, yet knew better than Sato Hospital.

Maiko's heart was in her mouth when they reached their mother's ward. It was deathly quiet, and the only visible life was a nurse writing busily, who barely acknowledged them as they muttered polite hellos. Shuichi walked down the corridor with his sister and friend in tow, reading the numbers on the doors to find his mother. He finally found her number, 216, and knocked lightly on the door before opening it. Maiko's eyes filled with tears of apprehension and fear. Hiro thought he would die, there and then.

Shuichi could only stare, shocked at the sight before him. There was his mother, lying still, so pale that she was almost see-through. A thousand tubes were connected to her, and he noted with horror that she was hooked up to a respirator. Of course, he had known that this day would come, but nothing had prepared him for it in all aspects of it. Shuichi turned to look at Maiko, who wept silently and returned his gaze guiltily. Hiro too, sported the guiltiest expression he had ever seen on his friend in his entire life. They had known, and hadn't told him.

Without a word or indicator of the rage and betrayal he felt, he pulled up one of the plastic chair that stayed in the room for visitors and sat down beside his mum. He took her hand in his.

"Hi mum. It's been a while, huh?"

* * *

**Sad chapter… **

Revised on: 23rd Feb 2008. Mwah, blaqksilence.


	19. Chapter 19

Title: Regression

Chapter: 19

Disclaimer: Not mine…

Summary: AU When Yuki's sessions with his psychiatrist increase, he hates it. Can a certain pink haired receptionist change his mind?

* * *

It was an interruption even though he wasn't busy when somebody knocked on Eiri's door loudly. Eiri had been startled, but only because he had not expected anybody to visit him today and because of the unfamiliarity of those loud thumps. He laughed dryly when he wondered if Mika's masculinity had finally taken over the rest of her body. He opened the door and was pushed out of the way by a tall man - Hiro, Shuichi's friend.

"Shuichi!" The man yelled frantically, rushing down the corridor when he did not find the person he was looking for in the living room. Eiri felt his anger levels rise quickly, and they reached a peak when Hiro grabbed the front of his shirt. "Where's Shuichi, bastard? Tell me!" He hollered in Eiri's face.

Eiri ripped Hiro's hands away from his shirt, gritting his teeth to keep it all inside. "How the fuck should I know?" He kept his voice steady and cool, but it retained that underlying anger in it. Hiro picked up on it at once, and looked as if he was about to hit him, but then he dropped his hands to his sides and apologized.

"I'm sorry Yuki-san. I don't know where he is. I was sure he'd be here." He hesitated. "You'll look out for him won't you? He was upset and just ran off." Hiro shook his head helplessly, looking pleadingly at Eiri. Eiri's anger left him. Hiro wasn't that bad a kid. Eiri nodded: in the unlikely event that he did see Shuichi, he would tell Hiro.

Hiro turned to leave, and something in Eiri burst out. "Wait. Did he say… why… he was upset?" He looked surprised when the words came out and Hiro looked at him carefully.

"He was upset because of his mother," he began slowly, and watched Eiri very closely, finally understanding why Shuichi had come home sobbing. "She died today. But he was upset before that; not sleeping or eating. So please, Yuki-san, help me find him." He let himself out, closing the door behind him with a 'thunk' that echoed around the apartment.

Eiri felt a bit worried, that horrible feeling of concern for someone else that was so reminiscent of the past he so desperately wanted to forget. Shuichi was missing; he was somewhere, upset, and probably alone. And he was partly to blame. Eiri wanted to return to the sofa, or to his office, and forget, but his conscience had come out for the first time in a long while to nag at him, telling him that he had to help right what he'd done wrong.

He scooped up his car keys. Shindou Shuichi was not Kitazawa Yuki, he'd determined that already. It was ok to help him because he couldn't hurt him; he was smaller and kinder and easier to hurt himself. He would help Hiro find Shuichi.

* * *

It hadn't been easy to do, but in his mother's room at the hospital, Shuichi hadn't spoken to Hiro or Maiko. He had held his mother's hand and had talked to her, mumbling reassuring things and telling her about how well his life was going. He wasn't sure if she could hear him - her eyes were closed and she remained unmoving- but he couldn't care less. She was his mother and she needed him again, probably for the last time. He didn't know how long he stayed there for but his rage grew and grew; with every second that passed he could feel it filling every pore of his body, he was saturated with it. He shook as he left the room, followed by Maiko and Hiro.

All the way to the car park he kept quiet. Maiko and Hiro weren't sure where he was going, but assumed that he wanted to go home. When he reached the reception he kept on going, stopping only once he was a good distance away from the hospital. He faced Maiko and Hiro, his face splotchy and red. Hiro moved towards him to put a reassuring hand on his shoulder but he moved away, livid.

"Don't touch me!" The voice was vicious, so unlike Shuichi that Hiro jerked his hand away. "Were you ever going to tell me Maiko? Were you going to Hiro?" Tears spurted from his eyes as he yelled but he didn't care; he didn't notice. "You thought it'd be so much better to tell me she was sick and then have me come here and _see_ her like this when I thought everything was ok?" His voice rose and he choked on the last few words as his throat tightened with tears. "Aren't you going to pretend she's not dying now? Tell me she'll get better in no time?"

Shuichi turned to Maiko. "How could you? I looked after you and mum and you kept _this_ from _me_? Why?"

"Shuichi…" she started, beginning to cry too.

"And Hiro? She's got nothing to do with you! What right do you have to know before me? What right do you have to keep this from me?" His eyes narrowed, and he hissed: "Do you know how it feels to have to do _everything_ and then know _nothing_ of what you deserve to know hidden from you? Can you even _imagine_ how I felt, seeing her like that when I had expected to see her awake and the same as always, the same old mother I always see? Can you? Well, it's a million times worse than that," he spat. "Whatever you're imagining or feeling guilty about, it's a million times worse than that."

He shot them a look of utmost loathing, and then, without thinking, turned and ran. He had wings on his feet, running again on pure adrenalin, his head spinning from his fury, and yet he ran and ran. Hiro began to follow him, but Maiko called him back. It would be best to leave him be for a while, to cool off, she said and Hiro obeyed.

Now, Hiro was worried. Shuichi had been gone for four hours, and then six, and now eight. He was checking Shuichi's favorite haunts, and Eiri's home was the last one he could think of. When he found out that Shuichi wasn't there… he just didn't know what to do. If anything happened to Shuichi, he would never forgive himself. It was his fault.

* * *

Eiri cruised along the small roads between his home and Shuichi's flat. He was keeping a sharp eye out for the pink-haired receptionist, feeling more and more agitated the longer he drove for. The streets were mostly empty, and those that did have people on them were not place that Shuichi should be at this time of night. Eiri slowed as he passed a darkened alley, squinting to see if Shuichi was down there.

He wasn't.

What if he did find Shuichi? Shuichi wouldn't want to see him, he must despise him now. What sane person would side with him over a five-year-old orphan? There was something wrong with the poor kid's mother and he'd found out that his lover was a murderer – if he did want to go back to Hiro, Shuichi would not be taken home by him.

So why didn't he just give up?

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Shuichi wandered around Tokyo after getting back to the city via the longest public transport route he could find. He had sat on two buses and one train thinking, turning over and over what he had seen and done and what had happened over the past week. Just when you think everything's going to be ok, it all goes crashing down around you. The higher you climb the harder the fall.

He passed the arena where the concert had taken place just a week ago. Like everything else it felt like eons ago, and Shuichi was reminded, detachedly, of his discovery. He wasn't sorry for the time he had spent looking after his mother. Drugs were an illness like cancer or multiple sclerosis or, hell, HIV or AIDS. People turned to different things for comfort, who was Shuichi to judge her? Didn't he run to Hiro or Yuki whenever he was scared or alone? His mother hadn't had anyone to turn to but her husband who soon left her and her children who had been too young to understand.

He had learnt of his mother's addiction at the age of thirteen, catching her in the act of injecting. At the time he had been too afraid to confront her – he hardly saw her and he couldn't accuse her if it was just medication. Inside though, he knew and it tore him apart. The thing inside him grew until he was scared it would one day just burst out. At school he feared that somebody would see it, or hear it, moving and gnawing and shouting oh-so-loudly the things that he had to stop ignoring.

And then it did explode, just that one time.

He remembered that day clearly. He sat on the garage floor, with his head on his knees feeling so tired he feared that if he slept he'd never wake up. He'd left Maiko in the house doing her homework and had allowed her to watch TV as soon as she'd finished so that she wouldn't disturb him. He'd left his mother in her bedroom and he knew she wouldn't leave her bed, not even to eat the dinner he'd prepared for her. He wasn't sure why he was in the garage, usually he'd stay in his bedroom to sleep off his exhaustion in the free time he had in the evenings.

He remembered feeling content and at rest. He couldn't hear his family in there, only the sounds of the street running past his home. He opened his eyes and his vision was met with his father's toolbox, coated in dust from many years of disuse. He wasn't sure what drove him then, but he stood and opened it, looking at the screwdrivers of different sizes, wrenches, pliers, spanners, a chisel, a hammer and a Stanley knife. He touched each tool with a strange fascination that didn't really come from him. He knew it was that creature inside him, the thing that drove him to do things he didn't want to do. He was terrified, but only at the back of his mind.

He watched as he ran his fingers along the plastic handle of the screwdrivers, and then the wooden handle of the hammer and finally the knife. He pushed up the blade and saw his reflection in the metal. It confirmed that he really wasn't there, his eyes were vacant and his face was devoid of expression. He drew the blade along his upper arm; felt a flicker of excitement inside him as the blood bubbled out of the tiny slit he had made. The blood was so red and the thing inside him loved the colour. He felt a mad rush inside him. He was celebrating.

As Shuichi walked past that same alleyway he had passed on the day of the concert, he heard a laugh and a cruel greeting. The monster had known Taki would be there and wanted more blood and pain and indicators that there was an outside Shuichi to hurt as well as the trapped Shuichi he could hurt inside.

Led again by the monster inside him, that self-destructive thing created by years of terrible times, Shuichi turned to meet Taki and his promised 'others'.

He couldn't care less what they did to him, as the monster and as Shuichi.

* * *

**Apologies to you all: it's been a hectic month so I'm way behind on my updates. I feel that this chapter is a bit feeble but here it is none the less. I'll try to get you twenty ASAP.**

**Beta-d by the brilliant blaqksilence. Thank you very much!**


	20. Chapter 20

Title: Regression

Chapter: 20

Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue…

Summary: AU When Yuki's sessions with his psychiatrist increase, he hates it. Can a certain pink haired receptionist change his mind?

**I couldn't resist saying this but CHAPTER 20, WOW! Also, gah, sorry 'bout the wait.**

* * *

Shuichi walked into the midst of the group with a calmness that he had never known before. It was like a concentrated version of what he had felt that day in the garage; it was the knowledge that he could end everything if he wanted to – he had complete control. Taki clapped him on the arm, as if they were friends. Shuichi flinched instinctively and they all laughed. He joined in even though he knew any jokes tonight would be on him.

"You stood us up, Shuichi," Taki said lightheartedly, grinning down wolfishly at Shuichi. Shuichi nodded.

"I've been busy." He replied calmly, looking through Taki at the wall behind him. Taki nodded seriously, humming sympathetically.

"Ah yes, I heard about Shindou-san. It is a shame for such a lovely young woman to go to waste." Anger swirled around inside of Shuichi at the mention of his mother. Had the whole world known before him? Taki seemed to read his mind. "It's a real problem, but sometimes these things happen. Drugs have all kinds of consequences..." He sighed sadly again. "It really is a shame that poor Shindou-san pulled _that_ one out of the hat. Or bag. Or wherever she kept her needles." He laughed, and the rest of the gang laughed with him.

Shuichi clenched his jaw, willing himself to stay quiet. His mother's debts had to be repaid somehow, and even though he didn't care whether he ever left the alley again or not, he was here to sort out what his mother had left behind and nothing more. The feelings he felt now were so reminiscent of his childhood; he found himself thinking about how he acted around Yuki and Hiro and everyone close to him now, and he cringed. How could he expect a change in Yuki or Riku if he had barely moved on either? He was stuck until he was away from what tortured him - his mother, even though it hurt a lot to admit it - and he knew that he would only get his peace of mind when she died.

"I haven't got your money." Shuichi told Taki directly, cutting to the chase. He wouldn't humor him if he was going to mock his mother. Taki's face fell comically, and he exaggerated a droopy sad face.

"Boo hoo, you'll make me cry. What will I tell the big boss? He's still very, very angry with Shindou-san for dying on us. She was a very valued customer." Taki pouted and loathing filled Shuichi, making his skin crawl and his lip curl just a fraction. Taki saw this, and he smirked in satisfaction. "Don't worry your pretty pink head about it though. You druggie mummy whored herself out sometimes... I'm sure you wouldn't mind, right? It must run in the family, so you or your sister could do it."

Shuichi saw red and he was running forward, arms out. He collided with Taki, hitting him squarely in the chest with a whump and sending him flying backwards onto his back. Shit, Shuichi thought, terrified, when he came back to himself. His shoulders heaved and he raised his hands over his head instinctively. It didn't help - they were all upon him in seconds.

The fearlessness he had felt disappeared completely when a fist connected with his ribs and a blinding pain filled his body. He choked, falling to the floor and clutching his side disbelievingly. They were actually hurting him! It was worse now that he was on the floor, they kicked out ruthlessly at his back and stomach and arms and legs. He curled up fetally to protect his front but it didn't do much, only spurred them on a bit more. A couple of them stomped by his face, and he twisted to avoid the heavy boots. This battery went on for what seemed like hours and hours, and then it stopped, and Shuichi risked removing his hands from his face. Something wet and warm splattered on his face - Taki had spat on him.

"That druggie whore must be worth a lot, Shuichi," he said nastily, baring his teeth at him. "But you shouldn't get so defensive - we don't tolerate violence towards members." He was back to his sarcastic tone and Shuichi hoped that meant it was over. He'd learnt his lesson, his body was on fire and his whole left side was throbbing. He looked up at Taki pleadingly. Taki smirked back sadistically. "Does it hurt Shuichi?"

Not nearly as much as it hurt inside, Shuichi realized as Taki questioned him - nothing could compare to the mixture of the truth dawning on him and that feeling of loss after so much effort. He understood now what that monster was - it was his system shutting down and looking for another way to cope – and, knowing that now, he did not want anymore pain inflicted on him. His mother was dead - gone - and with her so was his responsibility for her. He shouldn't have been responsible for her in the first place. He shouldn't have come. Her problems had nothing to do with him and he should have called the police a soon as he had discovered Taki's intent.

From the floor Shuichi narrowed his eyes up at Taki fiercely. "You know someday you'll get caught out. Its daylight," his voice wavered as his side throbbed again. "Somebody might even see you today, now. And you won't get your money ever because you'll be behind bars." He couldn't believe what he was saying, but his mind was reasoning with him: he had nothing to lose anymore, he was as good as dead, and he might as well give them final fight. He laughed, feeling dizzy. Somebody kicked him and he coughed and laughed, because it was funny. And he cried, just a little bit.

"Are you trying to be threatening, Shuichi? How courageous. Or delirious." Taki turned to the others and Shuichi saw that sadistic smirk and his heart sunk. What were they going to do?

* * *

Mika and Tohma came to visit. When Eiri returned from scouting the streets for Shuichi, the couple were standing outside his house, arguing. He would have turned around and walked back the way he came if Tohma hadn't spotted him.

"Ah, Eiri-san, there you are! Mika-san wanted to see you." Tohma smiled at him and Mika glowered, already opening her mouth to complain.

"We've been standing out here for ages, where have you been?" Jeez, it was as if he was thirteen again. He bit back a retort and looked at the people who never stopped stressing that they would help him. Should he ask them to help look for Shuichi? He could tell Hiro that he had found more help for him and maybe clear his name a little in the kid's eyes, seeing as he had hurt his friend.

"I've been out," he said frostily, "and I don't see why I should tell you every time I leave the house Mika."

"Yes, well, there's a lot you keep from me Eiri that makes me need to know where you are," Mika responded nastily. Tohma intervened; Eiri looked as if he might kill his sister.

"Let's go inside Eiri-san, Mika-san. We can talk later." The siblings obeyed grudgingly, Eiri opening the door and Mika stomping into the house, not taking off her shoes so that she left heel prints in the carpet. She looked around the flat, searching for signs of Eiri's high school boy. Tohma eyed her curiously. He had been told (ranted at, actually) about the 'child' Eiri had supposedly been dating, and whilst he wasn't thrilled by the prospect, he did think that Mika was overreacting.

"Eiri-san, where is your…?" Tohma wasn't sure what to call 'the boyfriend'. Mika's information was not always reliable.

"Shuichi?" Eiri asked curtly, and Tohma shrugged. "I don't know; the brat ran off." Tohma raised his eyebrows. 'Brat' and 'ran off' started off his alarm bells.

"Ha!" Mika laughed triumphantly. "So your little boy toy left you! I knew it wouldn't last Eiri, I told you! Why won't you listen to me? All I want to do is help you." She finished caringly enough, and Eiri's blood boiled. Mika always twisted everything so that she was the one there to pick him up.

"Shut the fuck up Mika." Eiri said, unnaturally childishly. "He hasn't 'left me', I told him about Kitazawa. I scared him." He walked to his alcohol cabinet in the shocked silence to get himself a drink. He swigged a mouthful of whisky from the bottle.

"You told him? You idiot Eiri! That stupid kid will tell the police and you'll be in trouble. Tohma can only do so much!" Spit flew from Mika's mouth in her anger and Eiri simply raised his eyebrows at her lack of self-control. This increased her anger and she let out a string of colorful swear words, loudly.

"He ran off because his mother died." Eiri told them casually, taking another swig. Mika ceased cursing and looked at him sharply. "I was out looking for him." Mika stared, still mid-curse, and then her expression softened. The Uesugi clan definitely knew what losing a mother felt like. So, this is what it took for Mika to show compassion?

"Have you… found him?" She asked, her voice bordering on tentative.

"What do you think?" Eiri retorted. Mika bit her lip worriedly and looked at Tohma.

"If you can get a hold of some photos Eiri-san, I can make some phone calls and have some people on the lookout for him." Tohma looked at him carefully, searching for something. Eiri gritted his teeth and forced himself not to ask Tohma what the fuck he was staring at. "If he's important to you, he's important to Mika and I." Mika nodded slowly in agreement, unfreezing to get her cell phone from her bag to send photos to people in her phone book.

He didn't have photos though, never being one to have such silly sentimental things. But for Shuichi he would put his pride aside and call Hiro to get one of Shuichi.

* * *

One of Taki's lackeys grabbed Shuichi roughly and forced him to stand. He cried out in pain as he was shoved against the wall. "Let me show you threatening, Shuichi." Taki stepped close to Shuichi. They were almost nose to nose. "If I don't get the money from you – which, as you can see, is the likely outcome – I will get it from your sister. And if she doesn't have it…" Taki smiled evenly. "I'll let you fill in the blank."

"You're a bastard. What have I got to do with this?" Shuichi asked, sinking to the floor. His legs could not support his weight and he could not stand when another told him to get up. He was yanked up and shoved harder against the wall. He retched, his body exploded with pain. Taki watched him voyeuristically, enjoying the beads of sweat forming on Shuichi's pale forehead, the saliva dripping from his mouth as he retched and the way his eyes scrunched up as he bore the pain. When Shuichi managed to look at Taki he saw how he was being _examined_. It made him sick.

"You've got everything to do with this Shuichi. You must know that – you were the one that came to us." Taki stepped back, getting a better angle of him. Stooped, panting and in _so much pain_. He punched him in the stomach, practically reveling in Shuichi doubling over and letting out a strangled cry. It sounded like broken ribs – Taki noted this gleefully. A punctured lung could be fun.

Shuichi focused on the floor, trying to blot out the pain that wanted to bend him into pleading. He had more pride than that, he reminded himself. People like Taki were scum and he was not about to put himself below them, not even to save his life.

"Kill me, scum," he said lowly, looking up at Taki. "Go on. Kill me." Taki bared his teeth at him in a grin.

"Ha, I'm already going to get slack for your failure to pay up – do you really think I'm going to let you go so easily?" Taki asked incredulously. "Or perhaps you think you're being 'hard', asking for death. I'm no merciful god."

* * *

**Thank you for the great response for the last chapter - you're all brill. Please review! x**


	21. Chapter 21

Title: Regression

Chapter: 21

Disclaimer: I am not torturing my own characters; I am borrowing the Gravitation cast.

Summary: AU When Yuki's sessions with his psychiatrist increase, he hates it. Can a certain pink haired receptionist change his mind?

* * *

"Here's a photo of him Seguchi-san," Hiro said, handing Tohma a photograph of his best friend. Hiro, Maiko, Mika, Tohma and Eiri were congregated in Eiri's living room. Tatsuha was on his way – Mika had found out that he'd been staying with a friend in Tokyo. Everybody minus Tohma and Eiri watched tersely as a copy of the photograph was taken and sent to Tohma's various contacts with an accompanying message to help find him or look out for him.

Once the message had been sent, everybody stood awkwardly. Eiri could see that Hiro was itching to get back on his bike and continue his search and he was too. The brat wouldn't do something stupid, would he? He wasn't the type to deliberately put himself in danger, was he? Eiri realized how little he really knew about Shuichi.

Hiro and Maiko started up a low conversation. Eiri heard Hiro saying comforting words to Shuichi's sister, who was biting the skin around her nails hard enough to draw blood. Tohma joined Mika on the couch. The stillness of the room and the atmosphere that was building up was driving Eiri insane.

Eiri was about to announce that he was going to keep driving around when the doorbell rang. Maiko stopped mid-sentence and her eyes lit up with hope. Eiri wasn't as optimistic, but that didn't stop his heart from speeding up as he went to the door. Opening it, he found Tatsuha and Maiko bust into tears. Mika went over to comfort her, murmuring reassuring nonsense. So she really was human.

"Sorry guys," Tatsuha said seriously, rubbing his forehead guiltily, "I didn't mean to get your hopes up like that. I should have called." He looked uncharacteristically ashamed of himself. They stood in silence for a while longer.

"I'm going to look for him," Eiri announced, this time without interruption. Tohma looked as if he was going to protest, but he held his tongue and Eiri was grateful. Hiro nodded at Tohma, communicating that he too would go out looking for his little friend. They made their way to the door and exited, the door clunking closed and echoing around the silent apartment. Tears snaked down Maiko's cheeks but she stayed unmoving and quiet.

* * *

Eiri was now worrying a great deal. He'd been driving around for the past hour and the sun had set, leaving the streets shadowy and foreboding. Nowhere seemed to be a safe enough place for Shuichi to be. He drove slowly down a small road that he believed led towards the stadium and squinted to peer down little side roads and pathways. Where would Shuichi be? He'd run out of places to look and – he had to face it – Shuichi could be anywhere, in _or_ out of the country by now.

He parked the car to rest his head on the steering wheel and close his eyes. He needed to calm down. He wasn't used to feeling this way and he was beginning to feel very nauseous and claustrophobic. He breathed shallowly and wound down the windows. He inhaled shakily and pushed back his hair. Stray strands stuck to his forehead. He was sweating.

He remembered now that he hadn't taken any of his medicine. There'd been no time. Hiro had distracted him and thoughts of Shuichi had chased away his routine. He hadn't taken his pills. He exhaled slowly through his mouth. And then he heard Shuichi's voice. His eyes snapped open and got out of the car without waiting to see if it really was Shuichi and not his imagination. He ran in the direction from which he'd heard the voice. He'd found him. Thank god.

He stopped suddenly in his tracks, gripped by rationality. Was it Shuichi or un-medicated thoughts? He swayed slightly and pressed his cool fingertips to his forehead. It creased as he thought hard. Was it him? What if it was? What if it wasn't?

He was confused and knowing that he hadn't taken the medicine he'd been taking every day for six years was making his stomach churn and his head spin. He couldn't drive in this condition and Shuichi could be around here somewhere. He cupped his hands around his mouth.

"Shuichi!" He bellowed, pushing aside any inhibitions he had for the time being. He had to be sure of this one thing. At least one thing. "Shuichi!"

* * *

Shuichi heard Yuki shouting his name. He sounded far away. Someone kicked him in the ribs and his vision swam as a hot wave of pain crashed inside of him. "Yuki?" He cried out, earning some laughs. He panted, summoning as much energy as his battered body could give him. "Yuki?" He yelled.

"What the fuck?" Taki asked, doing a sarcastic double-take. "Is he calling out for Death? No one around here is going to help you faggot-chan." He'd reverted back to the hurtful nickname from what seemed like years ago when he was shaken but safe. Tears leaked from between Shuichi's tightly closed eyes and dripped down Shuichi's cheeks leaving salty tear-tracks in their wake. Taki laughed cruelly and Shuichi sobbed, wishing he hadn't run away from Yuki. Wishing he hadn't shouted at Maiko and Hiro. His poor Hiro would be so upset when he didn't come home. Maiko would be devastated to lose her whole family. And he'd betrayed poor Yuki.

Somebody yelled in pain and Shuichi heard a horrific thud as that somebody's head connected with the brick wall. He cracked his eyes open, whimpering, to see Yuki's fist connect with another's ribs with a sickening crack. For a split-second Taki looked terrified, and then his cocky smirk was back in place. "Yuki," Shuichi moaned, his voice cracking with emotion, "get away Yuki." Taki kicked him roughly and he cried out in pain. Yuki turned to Shuichi, shoving the man he'd just punched roughly to the ground where he wilted, slumping with his head on his knees.

Yuki walked quickly towards Taki and Shuichi saw Taki pull a short knife out of his back pocket. Shuichi opened his mouth to talk but another wave of pain wracked his body and blood filled his mouth, dribbling past his lips. The coppery taste made him retch and his body seared. His vision wavered between sight and blindness as he watched with difficulty as Yuki lunged at Taki and wrenched the hand holding the knife forward and pulled it from him and putting the blade against his throat in a swift turning-of-tables.

A few of the others attempted to pull him away from Taki. Some succeeded in grabbing him; others weren't so lucky and got the knife up to their faces. Eventually they backed off to keep Yuki from killing their leader. The number of assailants had diminished somewhat, Shuichi noted dazedly as he watched on from his place on the floor. He prayed that Yuki would be okay.

His eyes kept closing as his body tried to mend its broken self and though he struggled to keep watching Yuki fight it out with Taki his sight was fading. He didn't know what he'd do if Yuki was hurt. He drifted off into blackness.

* * *

"Shuichi? Shuichi?" It was important to keep him awake. Basic first aid. "Shuichi?" Shuichi's eyes fluttered open. Good, he was awake. He was conscious.

"I'm okay Yuki," Shuichi said, sounding slightly drunk as he pushed himself into a sitting position, slumped against the wall for support.

"I'm going to help you walk over to the car Shuichi. We just need to go to the hospital." Shuichi nodded and struggled to get to his feet. His face contorted and he flopped forward, hunched in obvious pain. When he lifted his head his skin was pale and covered in a thin layer of sweat.

"I don't think I can get up Yuki." Shuichi panted, eyes creased in an effort to reduce the pain he was feeling. Eiri bent down and wound his arm under Shuichi's arms, taking his weight to lift him. Shuichi wobbled on his feet once he was as upright as he could hold himself and he and Eiri walked slowly over to the car.

"I'm going to let go of you. Can you stay up?" Shuichi nodded and held onto the car as Eiri removed his arm to open the car door. The shock caught up with Shuichi now and he shivered violently and his fingers slipped, making him lose his grip on the car and begin to fall to the floor. Eiri grabbed him quickly, and he gasped in pain. Yuki had grabbed him around his bruising middle. He retched, his legs folding underneath him. Eiri let him fall to the floor, unprepared for his loss of control over his limbs.

Maybe he should call an ambulance, he worried. He looked at Shuichi, who had managed to lift himself back up to slump against the car breathing shallowly with his eyes half-closed. He wasn't bleeding (that he could see) and he was only a bit bruised and scared (he thought), so calling an ambulance shouldn't be necessary. He also took into consideration that Shuichi had a penchant for exaggerating. He helped Shuichi to get up again (avoiding his stomach region this time) and helped him onto the back seat of the car, where Shuichi lay down on his back and closed his eyes.

Eiri saw the blood now, staining Shuichi's t-shirt. It wasn't much though he noted with relief as the flutter of something he had just felt disappeared. He ran his eyes on the boy once more and then closed the door. He slid into the front seat and allowed himself another glance until he drove to the hospital, just to make sure. He'd be fine, he assured himself.

He backed his car up in a three-point turn and drove as slowly and smoothly as he could to the hospital. Shuichi spoke every now and again to ask where they were going and where they were and to ask him to drive a bit more slowly because the bumps were hurting him. He went quiet for the last few minutes of the journey and when Eiri looked in the mirror he saw that he was sleeping. That was good; it was the first step in his recovery.

He arrived at the hospital and parked his car in the A&E department. Paramedics came to his car and he showed them Shuichi. A female paramedic leaned over him and examined him. Eiri saw her exchange a glance with her colleague. He rushed into the building and returned with a stretcher. She and her colleague slid the stretcher onto the seat and pulled Shuichi onto it. Eiri watched on worriedly – he _was_ sleeping, wasn't he? He wasn't…?

Shuichi was wheeled away and he was left standing by his car with a third paramedic. "Yuki-san, why don't you follow me?" He did so, being led into the heart of the Accident and Emergency building by this man. The paramedic led took him to a side room and offered him a drink. Eiri declined politely and took the seat being shown to him. The medic sat down facing Eiri.

"I need to know what happened to the patient, Yuki-san." The paramedic said gravely, leaning forward in his chair. "He's in a bad condition. He's got a few broken ribs and he's suffered serious trauma to his head. It was very dangerous for you to move him yourself. I want to know why you didn't call the hospital instead of bringing him here yourself." Eiri narrowed his eyes – was this man accusing him?

"It wasn't me, if that's what you mean." He replied bluntly, making himself look more menacing as he leaned forward in his seat.

"Of course not," the man soothed, "we're not making any accusations. We just need to know what happened. What is your relation to the patient?"

Tough question – what was he? He chose friend. "I'm a friend." The man mm-ed.

"Could you give me the patient's details? Name, address, age etcetera."

"His name is Shindou Shuichi and he's 18. I'm not sure of his address." The medic looked at him disbelievingly, as if he wanted to question his friendship, but held his tongue. "I can give you his friend's mobile number. We're not close friends." The man nodded his head once and Eiri pulled out his mobile phone, searching in his phonebook for Hiro's number.

Once the number had been taken and Hiro had been called, Eiri was thanked for helping out and was tossed out of the office unceremoniously with the suggestion he wait in the waiting room until they spoke with Hiro or a suitable person. He was feeling the effects of being without his medication again and buried his head in his hands, startled to feel dampness where his palms touched his eyes.

He hadn't cried for six years.

* * *

**Thank you, lovely reviewers. I have a request (a small one) – want to help me get to 150 reviews? Please? **

**A huge 'thank you' to blaqksilence who beta-s my work brilliantly and gave me some lovely feedback for this chapter. Smiles. **


	22. Chapter 22

Title: Regression

Chapter: 22

Disclaimer: Not mine…

Summary: AU When Yuki's sessions with his psychiatrist increase, he hates it. Can a certain pink haired receptionist change his mind?

**Look to the bottom for an apology!**

* * *

Maiko sat in one of the uncomfortable waiting room seat beside Yuki Eiri. Her face was pale and her cheeks glistened with the trails of drying tears. She twisted a tissue in her hands and gave the occasional sniff, although she made no move to blow her nose. She'd arrived with Hiro, having traveled to the hospital with him on his motorbike, and had stayed with Eiri while Hiro spoke to the paramedic about Shuichi. 

She didn't know how her day could get any worse. She felt so bad – she had told Hiro not to go after him, it was her fault. Hiro must hate her - Eiri too - for making him worry so much. She was so grateful to him for rescuing Shuichi from those villains. He'd explained to her with minimal detail what had happened and she'd thanked him profusely, forgetting the usual star-stricken state she got into when doing anything related to Yuki Eiri. He brushed her thanks aside and had told her that anybody would do the same thing.

Hiro had been talking to the paramedic for a long time now and Maiko's gut was turning in anxiety. She had to keep nipping to the toilet to retch. She'd emptied the contents of her stomach long ago. She glanced at the clock. It was just past midnight. When had it gotten so late? She yawned even though she was wide-awake and alert and Eiri looked at her briefly to see how she was faring. He gave her a small smile and she returned it, shifting on the hard chair.

Finally Hiro emerged, looking tired and upset. Maiko was on her feet immediately. "How is he Hiro? Can we see him?" She clutched desperately at his clothes, her face shining with hope. Hiro shook his head, combing his fingers through his hair wearily.

"They've sedated him and are patching him up at the moment so we can't see him now. He'll pull through but he's got a few broken ribs and a lot of head injuries. He's lucky because none of the ribs punctured his lungs," Hiro recited the medic's words before adding bitterly, "if you can call that 'lucky'." He hit the wall angrily and Maiko took his hand to stop him from causing himself any damage.

"Hiro," she soothed, leading him over to the chairs. "He's okay now so please try to calm down. Yuki-san will make a statement and the police will get those bastards." She sat him down and sat beside him, looping her arm through his. As he watched them interact Eiri saw the same mother-y spark Mika had from raising him and Tatsuha. He wondered if maybe Shuichi and Maiko had raised themselves too. Hiro rested his head atop Maiko's and closed his eyes, worry lines creasing his forehead.

Maiko caught Eiri watching and smiled reassuringly. "You haven't thanked Yuki Eiri-san yet, Hiro." Hiro opened his eyes and looked directly at Eiri.

"I'm not sure I should be thanking him yet, Maiko. I believe Yuki Eiri-san is partly responsible for Shuichi's condition." Maiko looked shocked and turned to Hiro with an expression that said 'how can you say such a thing to this wonderful person?' Hiro ignored her and she turned in bewilderment to Eiri.

Eiri and Hiro scowled at one another for a few seconds and then Eiri stood with a trying-my-patience sigh. He slipped his hands into his pockets and started to walk away, leaving Hiro with a surprised glare on his face and Maiko with her mouth open. Maiko stood. "Wait, Yuki-san! Don't go! Hiro's just being an ass!" She sounded desperate and Hiro snorted, earning a light smack on the head from his best friend's sister. Eiri waved back at her without turning around and she glared furiously at Hiro.

"You jerk, Hiro. He saved Shuichi's life and you said that it was his fault Shuichi's like that? You're an idiot. He was so worried about Shuichi and was hanging around to see him." Hiro rolled his eyes at her and pulled her back into her seat.

"Yes, yes, but have you already forgotten the state Shuichi was in a few days ago?" Maiko shook her head and her eyes widened with realisation.

"Oh no, what happened?" She looked immensely concerned.

"I don't know," Hiro replied, "but I know it's his fault. I went to see him yesterday when Shuichi went missing and he was guilty about something." Hiro shrugged his shoulders and glanced down the corridor. Right now he hated that bastard, but he'd stay put until Shuichi told him what had happened.

* * *

Maiko and Hiro were allowed in to see Shuichi at nine o'clock the next day. The hospital staff were reluctant to let Hiro in to see Shuichi as he wasn't a relative but Ayaka pulled some strings for him, being Shuichi's friend. He was awake when they went to see him and gave them a feeble 'hello' and a small smile. 

Maiko gave him a feather-light hug and asked him how he was feeling.

"I feel like I've been steamroller-ed, like in cartoons," he croaked, craning his neck in an attempt to sit up. He winced. "I hate not being able to move." Maiko and Hiro watched him anxiously.

"Should you be moving?" Hiro hesitated to ask. His best friend had been so angry with him before. Shuichi shook his head and winced again.

"No, but they've put me in a really uncomfortable position. And I've got a pounding headache even though they've pumped me full of drugs. Look." He lifted his arm to show them an IV. Hiro and Maiko grimaced and he gave a light chuckle. "It's gruesome, isn't it? I haven't been able to look, but my chest and stomach are pretty x-rated at the moment, like a horror film." Maiko paled and reached out to hold his hand.

"Don't joke about that, Shuichi. What happened to you yesterday was awful – you could have died!" Shuichi sobered immediately and sighed heavily. His breath wavered and he blinked rapidly.

"But Yuki saved me and I'm not dead," he said simply. It must have taken a lot to keep his voice steady because as he spoke tears started falling rapidly from his eyes and he took in a large shuddering breath. Hiro stood, panicking.

"Should I call a nurse?" He asked, making a jerky movement towards the door. Maiko shrugged helplessly but Shuichi shook his head, breathing deeply to calm himself down. He lifted his good arm to draw it across his eyes shakily and sniffed. Hiro sat back down slowly, eying his friend and the door nervously. His father may be a doctor but he didn't know what to do around sick people.

"I'm okay," Shuichi told them. "I'm tired." Maiko stroked his forehead soothingly and bent over him to kiss his cheek.

"Go to sleep, Shuichi. We'll stay here." Shuichi closed his eyes obediently and was asleep in seconds. Hiro sighed and buried his head in his hands. Maiko patted his shoulder comfortingly.

* * *

"Uesugi-san, what are you doing here?" Sachiko-sensei blinked at him, pushing her hair back behind her ears and adjusting her glasses on her nose. 

Eiri was sitting in the psychiatric ward waiting room staring blankly at the wall opposite him. The first sessions were beginning now and Sachiko wondered what he was doing there. "Do you need to talk to me?" She asked, sitting beside him. He transferred his stare to her and she saw emotion in the normally guarded orbs.

"Yeah."

* * *

Sachiko-sensei was surprisingly nice. Eiri didn't think that she'd ever cancel somebody else's appointment for him but she did and heard him out when he told her all about Shuichi and what had happened. She'd told him exactly what she thought he should do and helped him to sort out his feelings. He'd left feeling lighter than he'd ever felt in the last six years. 

He'd walked to the main reception to find out if he could see Shuichi and had bumped into Maiko, on her way to the store to buy breakfast for Hiro. She'd approached him with an apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry about Hiro. He lashed out because he was worried about Shuichi." She wanted to find out what had happened to Shuichi before but she was willing to give Eiri a chance to explain himself without pushing or questioning him. Eiri nodded and pulled a box of cigarettes out of his pocket. Maiko looked reproachfully at them and he gave a small smile.

"Let me buy you breakfast - there's a café nearby and I need a smoke," Eiri said to Maiko. Her face turned bright red and she nodded quickly, delighted to be eating out with her favourite novelist. "I'll tell you what happened with Shuichi and I too," he offered, sounding uncomfortable despite the unaffected way he tried to mask it.

As they walked Eiri told her how they'd met and how Shuichi had forced his way into his life. Maiko had laughed at some parts and told him that his behaviour was very 'Shuichi typical'. There was a pause in the story when they arrived at the café and ordered their food then Eiri continued once they were seated, lowering his voice when he reached the part where he'd told Shuichi about his past, not confiding to Maiko that he'd killed his tutor. Maiko hadn't pushed him, knowing that what Eiri told Shuichi was not her business.

"I'm not angry with you Yuki-san," Maiko said when he finished, "and Hiro won't be either. I think you should talk to Shuichi – he's very grateful to you for rescuing him and, from what Hiro told me, he likes you very much. I'm sure you can work things out. He'll be allowed to have more visitors in a few days. You should go and see him on Friday, during mum's funeral." Her voice wavered but she continued bravely. "He can't go because he's drugged up and can't walk yet and the doctors don't think he'll be able to take the strain of the funeral. Maybe if you're with him it won't be as bad."

* * *

Yoshiki answered the phone in her office. Caller ID display told her that it was the receptionist calling and she answered it irritably. The receptionists usually called her to alert her that a letter had arrived or to remind her of something that she didn't need reminding of. _Why couldn't they just put her messages in her pigeon hole like good receptionists? _

"What is it?" She asked, trying not to sound too impatient.

"I'm sorry to bother you Kitazawa-san. I've just been left a message by a friend of Shindou Shuichi-san. Shindou-san is undergoing treatment at Sato Hospital and won't be able to work for the next two months or so." Yoshiki sat up, her stomach clenching worriedly.

"Oh dear, what happened to him?"

" Nakano Hiroshi-san, who left the message, left a contact number here for you. He did not say what happened. I'm sorry Kitazawa-san." Yoshiki frowned as she copied out the contact number, spinning from side to side anxiously in her swivel chair. She hoped nothing serious was wrong with the sweet boy. He had looked so unwell the last time she'd seen him.

"Thank you." Once the receptionist had confirmed she had the right number she ended the call. She would get in touch with Hiroshi out of working hours – she didn't want to disturb him. She prayed that Shuichi was okay.

* * *

**First thing, I'm VERY sorry for the delay. I sent this to my beta (much love) ages ago, but I forgot to attach the file in my stupidity and she kept forgetting to tell me so it stayed on my computer for about five days doing nothing while I wondered 'where's blaqksilence?' I finally got it to her and she took a little while to beta it and here it is, hot off the press. I am very sorry. **

**Your reviews for the last chapter were so inspiring - best chapter yet for reviews. I beg you to keep it up for my happiness and inspiration. **

**While I'm at this, if any of you want to read another of my Gravitation fics, I have chapter one of my next fic posted. It's unbeta-d for now, since I don't have much time to work on it, but I promise you an interesting story since this one is finishing in the next three to four chapters. **

**Thank you so much!!!!!!! **

**Blaqksilence owns the closing line to this chapter - congratulate her for her help in getting this chapter out. It really sucked before she fixed it up! Yay!**


	23. Chapter 23

Title: Regression

Chapter: 23

Disclaimer: My torture of the characters does not happen in the real Gravitation, therefore I do not own it.

Summary: AU When Yuki's sessions with his psychiatrist increase, he hates it. Can a certain pink haired receptionist change his mind? 

* * *

Two days later Eiri felt brave enough to visit Shuichi. He had to face his fears, not bottle them up and let them build up even more inside of him like a perverse collection. He found Shuichi fast asleep, hooked up to a loathsome IV. He looked so frail. The blankets were pulled right up to his neck (the work of Maiko, his sister?) and his face was pale and drawn. He didn't look anything like the Shuichi he had seen on the day of the Nittle Grasper gig, full of life and energy. He pulled up a chair by his bed uncertainly. He'd never visited anybody in hospital before. 

Hesitantly, he reached out to touch Shuichi's hand. He had to confirm that Shuichi was really here, alive and safe. He felt each bone in Shuichi's hand under the thin layer of skin that covered them and found that it bothered him.His Shuichi's hands were… perfect… these were… scary.He withdrew his hand away and stared at them as the heat they'd gained from Shuichi faded. 

Shuichi's eyes cracked open; it was hard to sleep during the day exhausted or not, and somebody was in the room with him. He saw blond first, and then a concerned face followed. Concerned for him… that was nice. Shuichi smiled, doped up on medication. He was glad to have Yuki for a visitor. 

"Hi," he said hoarsely, shifting a bit so that he could turn to face him. He winced - obviously his ribs were far from healed. 

"Don't move," Eiri started when Shuichi winced, and then felt foolish. He looked away, glaring at the floor. "Idiot. You broke two ribs." Shuichi smiled again at him.

"It could have been worse. It doesn't hurt that much anyway." He drew breath, and Eiri saw how the skin around his neck and collarbone hollowed out as he did so. "Are you ok, Yuki? They hit you too, didn't they? And they had a knife!" His voice became panicked. Eiri hated him for asking. He wasn't the one lying in bed looking like death personified. He had gotten away with a few scrapes and bruises, not two broken ribs and so many bruises peppering his stomach and back his body looked like a twisted art display and a lot of nasty looking lacerations. 

"I'm fine. Worry about yourself, Shuichi." Hiro said that it was his fault that Shuichi had run away. When he had found Shuichi, cowering against the wall, he had been filled with an indescribable rage. He could barely remember fighting. He did remember carrying Shuichi to his car though, and helping him to lie comfortably across the backseat, not caring once about blood staining his upholstery. He also remembered how scared he had been when Shuichi didn't wake up at the hospital. If he had known how hurt Shuichi had been, he would've called an ambulance, damn his pride. 

"You said my name again, Yuki. Careful, you don't want to get too soft, right?" Shuichi laughed weakly, his question as certain as anything. Eiri was surprised that Shuichi had noticed how he avoided using names. But then again, Shuichi had obviously seen things in his short life that made him perfectly capable of reading between the lines, noticing the unnoticeable and seeing everything as clear as crystal. Eiri turned away from Shuichi again and he supposed he should be angry or embarrassed by Shuichi's comment. He felt glad, though, that there was somebody who could hear him and see him; to pull him out of the hole he had dug too deep to get out of alone. 

"I could get you to your mother's funeral, Shuichi. I heard that they're not going to release you." Eiri looked Shuichi in the eye when he said this. He wouldn't hide anything from Shuichi. Shuichi's smile was gone in an instant to be replaced by something much worse than his tears - the indescribable look of loss on his face coupled with the emotionless eyes. "It wouldn't be hard for Tohma to pull some strings here." 

It didn't suit Shuichi to be so quiet and listless, even in the situation he was in. The Shuichi Eiri knew, the happy Shuichi, was gone. Whether this absence was temporary or permanent he couldn't say. But it was decided, Eiri would keep Shuichi close – somebody he could relate to and get on with was hard to find. From now on, he would try to be positive for Shuichi's sake. "You can hold my hand, if you want." So what if he said it coolly, awkwardly? He had said it and that was what mattered. 

Shuichi turned, surprised, and Eiri turned the corners of his mouth up in his best smile. Shuichi slid his hand towards Eiri's as Ayaka walked in, disturbing them both with a squeal.

"Yuki Eiri! Kya!" Shuichi winced at the high pitch of her squeal. She saw his grimace and looked apologetic. "I'm sorry Shu-chan. Why didn't you tell me you knew Yuki Eiri?" Shuichi shrugged, finding her presence overwhelming in his present state. He turned to look at Yuki, worried that he would be bothered by Ayaka, but found that he was smiling openly at her - the Yuki Eiri that Maiko had fantasized about before she met him. 

So, Yuki was not as unsociable as he thought. Why was he willing to talk to Ayaka when initially Shuichi had worked so hard to gain Yuki's companionship - if he could even call their relationship _that_. He watched, hurt, as Ayaka flirted and Yuki responded suavely, without a trace of the dislike he had shown for Shuichi (and still did show). It wasn't fair, why was everything so different for him?

A sob escaped him suddenly, and he twisted with difficulty onto his side to face away from Ayaka and Yuki. He wept bitterly, certain they were exchanging glances and not caring beyond why he was crying. It hurt to cry, but the physical pain again was easier to bear than the inner pain he was feeling. The door to his room closed and after a moment he turned back over onto his back, where he felt more comfortable. Yuki was still with him, and seeing him dried his tears.

"Why are you still here?" Shuichi asked, and continued before Yuki could reply. "If you can make friends so easily why did you put up with me? You've always acted like you don't care about me and I still kept going back to you for more rejection. I thought you were alone, that's why I put up with it. I... just..." He stopped abruptly and let something go. "If you want to go off with Ayaka, Yuki, by all means do." He closed his eyes and prayed for sleep so that it wouldn't hurt anymore. 

"I'm here because I want to be, brat." Eiri said wearily, like a mother to a child. "And cut the martyr crap, it's not you. Now, I want you to tell me everything that's bothering you, since it's obviously done you no good to keep it all bottled up. Some people just don't have the knack for it." His mouth twitched and Shuichi realised that he was making a joke, and about himself no less! Shuichi smiled despite himself and tried to hide it by turning away from Yuki. 

Somewhere, a powerful force seemed bent on destroying all hopes of Yuki and Shuichi reconciling. Yoshiki burst in with Riku in tow, gaping in horror at him. He stared back, surprised, and then smiled weakly. "Hello, Rik-kun," he greeted the little boy. "Hi, Yoshiki." 

"What happened to you?" Yoshiki asked, running her eyes all over him. "Did you get hit by a bus?"

"No," Shuichi replied, shaking his head. He hissed when a ripple of pain shot through his body at the movement. "I got into a fight and got pretty beat up. I'm developing bedsores too," He informed her quite cheerfully although his eyes were still glassy with tears from earlier and he looked far from cheery. Yoshiki pressed her hand to her mouth in horror. Riku walked over to him and patted his head. Shuichi smiled at him.

"How are you doing, little man? I look like a monster, don't I?" He gave a feeble growl and Riku gave a quiet laugh. Yoshiki blinked at him. 

"Oh, Shuichi," Yoshiki continued. Eiri was being ignored and took to staring at the kid. Riku turned to him and smiled, remembering him from the graveyard. Eiri raised his eyebrows exasperatedly at the talking Yoshiki and Shuichi and Riku's smile grew. So, he and the little brat were in accordance – Yoshiki was Shuichi's attention-thief. The kid was smart even if his father was a no-good, rapist, son of a bitch. 

"You wanted to see me Riku?" Shuichi spoke to Riku again, who nodded. "That's lovely. It's very kind of you." Riku nodded enthusiastically and Yoshiki stared at him, hope creeping into her eyes. He was using his communicative gestures more vigorously today. 

"He's a good kid." Eiri stated, surprising Shuichi with his contribution. It made him smile. 

Riku grabbed Shuichi's hand and began to pat it. "Pain, pain, go away." Riku said firmly and loudly. This time, everybody in Shuichi's room turned to stare at Riku. Shuichi turned so quickly he had to hiss in pain again and Yoshiki's neck cricked terribly. Eiri only raised his eyebrows again. Riku's voice didn't croak at all, as an unused one should. "I practiced in the bathroom." Riku explained proudly, without prompting. 

"Rik-kun," Yoshiki stuttered, her eyes filling with happy tears. "You spoke. You spoke." Riku nodded and rammed his thumb back into his mouth. Yoshiki almost shook him to make him speak again. _Baby steps_, she reminded herself. 

Shuichi started sniffling, too. Eiri turned to him worriedly, sure it'd do Shuichi no good to become agitated, but Shuichi was smiling at the little boy. "I'm so happy," he snuffled, and Eiri gave him a tiny smile. "I wish I could hug you, Riku," he told the little kid, "but the doctors said I can't get up yet. I couldn't even if I tried, anyway." He laughed lightly. 

Riku climbed onto the bed. He wasn't very delicate in his climbing so the movement of the bed must have hurt Shuichi, but the receptionist's smile did not falter. Eiri felt like pulling Riku off the bed but stayed put, knowing that Shuichi wouldn't like it. Yoshiki seemed to be holding back as well.

Riku tried to be careful as he moved towards Shuichi to hug him awkwardly but Shuichi couldn't hold back the hiss of pain as Riku leaned too heavily on his injured chest. Riku looked stricken and tried to move away but Shuichi held onto him with his good arm to clumsily hug him back. "You're such a good boy, Riku. Your parents would be so proud of you." 

* * *

Eiri stayed with Shuichi until Yoshiki left with Riku. Shuichi was getting tired already, his body still too battered to deal with even a low level of excitement. Eiri sat down by his bed as he struggled to keep chattering and keep his eyes open. 

"I hate being so tired all the time, Yuki," Shuichi grumbled, trying to stifle a yawn with his hand and failing to get his arm up any further than his neck. He frowned at how restricted his movement was. 

"Be thankful you're still alive, brat," Eiri couldn't help but reply. Shuichi pouted, managing an endearing look even when he was greasy-haired, pale and injured. 

"I knew it was too much for you to be nice," Shuichi returned, on par with Eiri's insulting nature. Colour went into his cheeks suddenly and he looked at Eiri coyly through his eyelashes. "Yuki…" he started sweetly, drawing out the 'i' at the end of his name. "I think I want to kiss you." 

Eiri saw little reason to not comply with Shuichi's wants but part of him still wanted to be mean and cruel. "You change your mind about me too much, Shuichi. I'm not sure I want to kiss you. Your breath will smell anyway." He hid a smirk as he watched Shuichi's expression move from confusion, to hurt, to anger. 

"I brushed my teeth today, actually!" He bristled, mortified of being accused of bad breath. Eiri took this as an opportunity to bend over him and press his lips to Shuichi's in a very chaste, very light kiss. He started to pull away after a few short seconds but Shuichi wanted something a bit more after the terrible time he'd had. He parted his lips slightly and used them to tug lightly at Eiri's top lip in a not-so-chaste kiss. He closed his eyes blissfully as Eiri returned the kiss, his arms on either side of Shuichi's head to support him. 

* * *

**I guess my betas having time issues or something because I haven't heard back from her since Isent this to her on the 9th. The delay is not my fault! You're getting an update, but unfortunately it's not beta-d. **

**Please review for my self-esteem please. I have so many mistakes in every chapter it's not even funny. xx**


	24. Chapter 24

Title: Regression

Title: Regression

Chapter: 24

Disclaimer: Penultimate and do not own. I lament that.

Summary: AU When Yuki's sessions with his psychiatrist increase, he hates it. Can a certain pink haired receptionist change his mind?

* * *

Shuichi preferred to think that the weather was so miserable because it was his mother's funeral, rather than it just being typical weather for winter. A nurse was carefully changing his bandages and pull on some funeral clothes; he couldn't say goodbye to his mother in that indecent hospital gown. He grit his teeth as the bandage around his ribs was unwound and the pressure that kept the pain at bay was lost. His chest was on fire.

"Bear with me, Shuichi," the nurse said kindly, starting to put the clean bandage back on. Shuichi nodded, trying to concentrate on something that would distract him. His ribs throbbed painfully once the bandages were back on.

"Lift up your arms so I can put your shirt on." The nurse pulled the crisp white shirt onto his arms and around his back. She guided his other arm into the whole of the arm of the shirt. "Can you manage the buttons?"

"Yes, thank you." Shuichi fumbled with each button until he pushed the smooth plastic through the slits. It took him longer than usual, but gaining some of his dexterity meant he was on the mend.

"I'll do your tie for you." A black tie was slipped under the collar of the shirt and done up at the front neatly. Shuichi didn't think he'd ever looked so smart before. He'd be wearing a black hat to hide his inappropriately cheerful pink hair.

Shuichi murmured his thanks again and looked out of the window. It was starting to rain and droplets of water were running down his windows as if the building was crying. Shuichi wished he could cry. He was so exhausted and his meds left him slightly out of it and even though his throat burned and his eyes watered, he could never let go and let the tears fall. Not like the other day.

He was helped to his feet by the nurse to pull on his trousers. It was painful to get up when he felt so sore. He hadn't gotten out of bed yet however humiliated he felt by the catheter. That had been removed not long ago. His legs felt like jelly through disuse and he held tightly to the bedside table as he lifted his right leg, and then his left.

He was embarrassed that he had to be dressed like a real invalid or a tiny child, but it was a small price to pay to attend his mother's funeral. He knew that some people, when there were shootings and such, couldn't attend the funerals of their best friends who had died around them. That was awful.

"Hey, you're standing," Hiro said softly from the doorway. Shuichi turned to him and smiled at his best friend. "And don't you look smart?"

"Don't," Shuichi mumbled, "I feel like an idiot already without you saying fatherly things to me." The nurse let out a small laugh.

"Be grateful that you're not going in the gown, Shuichi," she butted in, making Hiro and Shuichi laugh. That really would be embarrassing, with his backside exposed at a funeral. Not to mention disrespectful, of course.

"She makes a very good point, Shu," Hiro told him. He came into the room and perched on the edge of the bed. "Maiko's there already. With your aunt and uncle. Yoshiki called to say she would attend and Yuki-san spoke to me yesterday. He's coming."

"Are you mad at him?" Shuichi asked, looking directly at Hiro. He searched in his eyes for anger.

"Yuki-san? No. I'm glad that he found you." Maiko had encouraged Hiro to hear Yuki out when he approached him outside of Shuichi's room the day before. Shuichi smiled a small smile.

"I'm glad, too. About everything."

* * *

Hiro didn't tell anybody how much he had enjoyed wheeling Shuichi around in a wheelchair. Had the circumstances been different, he would have sat Shuichi in a chair by now and gone for a spin himself. However, it was not the time or the place and he was behaving very soberly. He'd given Shuichi one, mini wheelie that had made his friend laugh weakly.

The service took place in the cemetery. Shuichi's mother was being buried as she'd requested once, years and years ago. Shuichi had told Maiko that she said that being burnt reminded her of the holocaust and that she didn't want her funeral to be so gruesome. She'd still been capable of joking when she said it, but joke or not she'd never indicated whether she was _really_ against cremation or not. So they were burying her.

Tears had trickled down Shuichi's face when he'd seen the casket but he hadn't made any noise, unlike Maiko. A priest had spoken about what a good person their mother had been. Hiro couldn't help asking himself why the priest was lying. He'd never seen Shuichi's mother do anything but sleep. He wasn't even sure he'd ever heard her say anything other than 'hello' or 'how are you?' to him.

At the lowering of the casket Eiri had come over to Shuichi's side and had allowed Shuichi told hold his hand tightly. He really had decided to be nicer to Shuichi. Family members and Hiro had all scattered earth over the coffin.

Now, at the reception, Eiri had taken over the wheelchair navigation and was taking care of Shuichi. He never lost his uncaring look but Hiro could tell that he was comforting Shuichi and looking after him. Hiro felt slightly left out.

"What time do you have to be back at the hospital, Shuichi?" He leaned over and asked, touching his friend's arm.

"They didn't give me a curfew, but I have to take my medication at eight and it makes me drowsy. So I'll go back at seven-thirty." Shuichi brought his hand up and placed it on top of Hiro's, still resting on his arm. He squeezed lightly and smiled at Hiro. There were tears in his eyes.

His other hand was holding Eiri's loosely.

"Is Maiko okay?" Eiri asked Hiro, surprising him with the sincerity of his voice. Shuichi turned and smiled at Eiri. They were acting like a real couple and Hiro was upset to find that he felt jealous of Eiri. Why had it taken Shuichi's mother's death and near death for Shuichi himself for Eiri to decide to be a good person? He'd always been there, hadn't he?

"She's with her aunt and uncle. She's fine," Hiro replied, pasting a smile onto his face and twisting his hand to hold Shuichi's hand too. He was being ridiculous. He just wanted his friend to himself. He glanced over to make sure that Maiko really was okay. She wash holding a glass of wine and was wiping under her eyes with a tissue, smiling and nodding at what a relative was saying to her, presumably about her mother.

She looked pretty today. In a spaghetti strap black dress and heels, she looked at though she belonged at a fancy dinner and not a funeral. Her honey-coloured hair was piled on top of her head loosely so that loose tendrils fell delicately about her face. She saw Hiro looking at her and sent him a small smile.

Shuichi smiled at them both, looking down at both of his hands. It was nice to have his best friend and lover fuss over him but something was making him feel sort of like a piece of meat being fought over between two dogs. Hiro's hand-squeeze felt slightly possessive; Eiri was tugging him closer.

Again Hiro found himself wondering what would happen in the future – induced by that same protectiveness he'd felt not long ago. What would happen if Shuichi left him to move in with Eiri? Would he be forgotten about, or would he and Shuichi always be best friends? It had always been Shuichi who had ended up with the worse luck and now he found himself stuck with a job he didn't like, single and (perhaps) alone whilst Shuichi got the best of everything. He was pleased for Shuichi, really he was, but he wanted things to get better for him too. Was that selfish?

"Hiro? Are you okay, love?" Shuichi asked softly, cutting into Hiro's thoughts. Hiro found his eyes flicking to Yuki at the term of endearment Shuichi used to address him to see his reaction. He was indifferent, looking the other way and sipping on his Scotch on the Rocks.

"I should be asking you the question," Hiro replied ruefully, tugging awkwardly at his hair. He freed Shuichi's hand from his grip to fiddle with the cuffs of his shirt embarrassedly. It didn't happen often but boy, did he get fidgety when he felt guilty about something.

"I think I want to get some fresh air. Take me outside, Hiro." Shuichi looked at him seriously, signaling that whatever he wanted was important. Hiro shrugged and stood, giving Yuki a quick glance to see if he was okay with what was going on. He simply released Shuichi's hand.

Hiro wheeled Shuichi through the room of people and outside, where it was raining lightly. Shuichi grimaced and commented on the horrible weather, to which Hiro responded with a light joke about his hair getting frizzy. They laughed lightly before Shuichi became serious again.

"I won't ever forget you, Hiro. If you decide to start a band and end up touring the world and forget about me, I won't forget you. Haven't I told you that I love you before?" Shuichi craned his neck to look searchingly at Hiro. "I wanted to do this long speech thing to make you happy but being stuck in a chair kind of ruins everything." Shuichi laughed again, wincing as his chest throbbed.

"I am happy. I'm happy that you and Yuki-san are together again and that you're safe. The only thing I'm sad about is that we kept your mum's deterioration from you. Maybe if we'd told you sooner you would have seen her… in better condition. I'm sorry that I kept it from you." Hiro looked out into the bleak grey of drizzle and cloud.

"It doesn't matter. I wouldn't have been able to do a thing for her. She barely knows me." Shuichi waved away Hiro's apology with his hand. "And, you forget how well I know you Hiroshi. It's not the only thing that's making you sad. You think I'm leaving you soon, don't you?"

"That's no reason for sadness," Hiro replied wittily, making Shuichi pout.

"Hey! Don't be mean. I get enough of that from Mister Novelist inside." He jerked his thumb towards the hall for emphasis. "_Anyway_. You're not getting rid of me so soon. I'm not going to let Yuki wheel me around all the time – he's much too busy and I don't even know if it'll work out. I know how badly you want a go in this thing, too, so as if I'm going to deprive you of that. I'll tell you now that it's not as fun as you think!"

Hiro let a contrite grin grace his lips. "You really do know me too well, Shu. What gave it away? Was I sending the chair longing looks?"

"Stop ruining my speech!" Shuichi protested loudly.

"Sorry! You should know that I can't handle the emotional stuff as well as you," Hiro argued. "_You're_ the one who started spouting stuff about playing in you wheelchair."

"Well then," Shuichi huffed, crossing his arms stiffly across the bulky bandage around his chest, "don't complain if I ever do leave you by myself. I _tried_ to do a lovely speech and you ruined it. This is how you'll remember me." Shuichi pouted again and frowned up at his best friend. "Bend over so I can give you a kiss; I'm afraid I can't do the more manly hugging thing for a while seeing as even the thought of lifting my arm hurts."

Hiro bent down obediently and Shuichi planted a huge kiss on his cheek, pressing his lips against the hard cheekbone.

"You won't join a band and forget about me, will you?"

"No. I don't really fancy the whole music scene."

They turned to each other with big childish grins on their faces, reminded of all the times they'd shared. Hiro realised that it wasn't the end if Shuichi wasn't around; it would be just another chapter of their friendship and they'd always be best friends no matter where they ended up. Smugly, the selfish part of Hiro's conscience told him that Yuki would never be able to compete with that.

* * *

**Okay – I apologise if this chapter was shit, but I needed something Hiro-orientated. The next chapter (final one) will be Yuki-orientated, which is why this one had to be about Hiro. I promise you that the last chapter will be awesome. There will bee a lemon and it will be about 4000-5000 words as a finishing present to you lovely readers. Thank you to those who stuck by me and reviewed and favourited etc: without you I wouldn't have made it past chapter 14! Thank you so much. **

**Before I forget... this chapter is unbeta-d again so please ignore any typos or bad grammer. Thank you. **


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